Okay. I’m going to give you a rare glimpse inside my brain. You’re welcome.

Last night, I was watching REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER (btw, my favorite text ever from Rader was when he sent me a picture of Bill Maher and asked “Are you sure he isn’t my real father?”) Anyway, Dan Savage was on and it was one of the funniest episodes I’ve seen in a while. If you get a chance, please watch the 5:48 video just for a laugh and to see a very conservative former republican senator from Florida get very uncomfortable and make the “I smell bad ham” face.

So this is how my brain works. I was thinking that Dan Savage was the guy who did the satire romance novel covers, but he isn’t. I know that now (click that link for a good laugh). But, last night, I went to bed thinking he was that guy and when I think about romance novel covers, I often think of Fabio.

Who wouldn’t, right?

Okay, so there I am, falling asleep with Fabio on my mind…and suddenly, there he is in my dream.

We’re in the library and there’s a party. And he’s pursuing me. He wants me badly. (I mean, duh!) and he finally pulls me onto his lap in a dark corner and we kiss. And after a few minutes (I had to be SURE) I tell him, “Sorry. This just isn’t working for me.”

And he’s all “I’m Fabio! I work for everyone!”

And I say, “Well, I’m not everyone. And you should learn to kiss better. I don’t have time or desire to teach you.” and I try to get up. But he holds me down and gives me a GIANT HICKEY ON MY CHEST. And then he puts a band-aid on it and says, “You’re branded now. You’re mine.”

I’m pissed. “What are you? 14?” And I dramatically storm off to tell everyone that Fabio gave me a hickey against my will. And everyone tells me I should have been nicer to him. Nobody tells Fabio he doesn’t kiss well, even if it’s true.  He’s FABIO for chissakes!

So yeah. That’s how my brain works. It’s scary, right?

Scary AWESOME.