F.A.Q.

puckerFAQ

1. Do you write on a schedule?

Yes. Absolutely. If by ‘schedule’ you mean whenever I can make myself… Seriously, I’m terrible with time management. I’m working on it though. Possibly I have ADHD. I dunno. I’m very easily distracted. *oh! look at that sparkly thing…*

2. When did you start writing?

I can’t remember exactly the year (1999 maybe?) My friend Cholsted could tell you because we were working at *large unnamed telecommunications company* together. I was really good at my job and oftentimes had exceeded my quota by noon and since I am easily distracted (see above) and since back then we did NOT have unlimited access to the interwebs, I pulled up my MS Word and started writing a book. You know, to entertain myself. I named a really bad character after Cholsted so naturally she loved it. It was REALLY BAD. Like, awful. But it was the first time I was really bitten by the fiction bug.

3. What happened to that book?

Oh I still have it. It’s the epitome of Mel-O-Drama. It didn’t have a title. I should probably call it PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY. Here let me show you it:

The heat was sweltering. Not that unusual for mid-July in Arkansas, but Maureen seemed more aware of it today. The air was sticky enough to plaster a few stray red curls to her forehead. The rest of her hair was smoothed back into a clip, as far away from skin as possible. “Well. this isn’t exactly how I would’ve planned it,” she said, smoothing her shirt over her still flat abdomen, “but, we will have to make the best of it.” The tears began to well in her eyes again, stubbornly hanging on to the brim. Maureen stiffened her back, took in as deep a breath as she could muster, and wiped the droplets from her eyes.

“No more tears.” was all she could say without breaking down. The lump in her throat nearly choked her, as she stood up and gathered her equipment. She came here specifically to take her mind off of things. This was once a childhood haven. The only safe place for her and her friends while growing up. Maybe she would feel the comfort she felt as a child. Maybe this refuge would shelter her again after all these years. Maybe she could recapture that feeling in pictures.

Maybe.

4. Why would I still buy your books after reading that?

Trust me, my mom says I’ve improved.

5. What’s your favorite thing about writing?

I get paid to make shit up. Seriously. Best. Job. Ever.

6. What is your big dream?

World domination.

7. What is your 2nd big dream?

To be interviewed on Author Talk. That’s how I will know my quest for World Domination has begun.

8. Who do you want to be when you grow up?

Who started the rumor that I want to grow up. Cuz that’s totally a lie.

9. What do you wear when you write?

Pajamas mostly. If I’ve actually showered, I wear shorts or yoga pants and a t-shirt. I do not write in the nude, no matter what you’ve heard. (I blame Kristen Painter for that rumor.)

10. If they made a movie about your life, what actress would play you?

My ex says Queen Latifah.(yeah, I never got that either) But I would prefer Stifler’s Mom, Jennifer Coolidge or even better, Christina Hendrix. My main squeeze says I’m one-of-a-kind and nobody could hold a candle to me. Except for maybe Scarlett Johansson. (he’s a keeper).

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