I tried a new deodorant. I had a coupon and I figured, why not? I’m not that smelly. It should work fine.

Well, it doesn’t. Not compared to Secret Platinum. So today I ran up to the drugstore to pick up Rader’s special deodorant (he is picky cuz he is really stinky LOL) and I decided to pick up my Secret and replace the bargain basement crap I bought last time.

And now for an open letter to Secret Deodorant:

Dear Secret,

Do. Not. Want.

I love your Platinum product. I do. But can you explain to me why you think I want my armpits to smell like Brazillian Cherries? Or Vanilla Chai? or Tropcial Tango?

I would like to have a nice little chat with your marketing department. You do not need to fix what isn’t broken. You do not have to try to make a good product better, by making it smell like cherries.

Cherry flavored armpits? I mean, REALLY?

I’m an (almost) 40 year old woman. I don’t want fruit or tea flavored armpits.

Whatever happened to just plain old powder? If you really must give us a smell, I liked that ‘Fresh Rain’ one. That was nice. Or was it shower fresh? Whatever it was fresh and it didn’t sound like I had Libby, Libby, Libby on my label, label, label.

It’d be really great if you would take this letter into consideration when you put out your next deodorant flavor. Women don’t want to smell like fruit cocktails.

Do. Not. Want.