If I had known I was going to meet and hang out with Jenny Crusie and Bob Mayer last night, I probably would’ve washed my hair.

Not only did we hang out–but we bonded, in my mom’s kitchen. And if I had known THAT was going to happen, I probably would’ve figured out some way to redecorate the yellow. brown, and avocado green PANELING adorning Mom’s kitchen walls. Ugh.

Alas, I was unprepared for my meeting with the dynamic duo. It happened sometime between 2 am (when I got up to let the dogs out) and 4 am (when I got up to let them out again).

But let me tell you–it doesn’t matter how brief that meeting was; we bonded. We’re friends for life. They loved me. They loved my mom. They even loved the paneling. (though that right there should’ve told me it was a dream)

So, here’s how it went down.

I’m sitting at my mom’s kitchen table opening a bottle of merlot when Bob and Jenny just walk in. Bob has a laptop carrier slung over his shoulder and Jenny is blustering around like a gnat on crack carrying piles of paper. I am not surprised to see them and realize we need more wine glasses…and then also realize that I was pouring my favorite Pepperwood Merlot into plastic cups. WTF? I think. (more clues that this was a dream. I apparently live in denial in my dream world as well as in the real world)

I hide the plastic cups (these are not Dixie or Solo cups, these are kiddie cups that I drank out of as a kid. They have pics of Hilda the Hippo and Pete the Puppy and so on) and I retrieve Mom’s wine glasses. Bob comes over and asks me where they can set up and I show him into the dining room. Jenny follows, puts her papers down, then goes back into the kitchen and pulls out one of those plastic cups that I had put away. She hands me the cup and says, “Fill’er up, please.”

So I do. (of course I do. She’s a woman after my own heart.)

Then Bob returns with my mom and we all sit down at the table to discuss the publicity workshop they are about to host. (I know where this part of the dream came from. Maria and I were just discussing what phenomenal job they’ve done with promoting themselves and this upcoming book. (Don’t Look Down) They are amazing) Anyway, they are hosting this workshop in my mom’s house and we only have an hour to finish off the wine (amazingly, more wine appeared) and prepare before everyone shows up.

Now you know how it happened. Jenny, Bob and I are tight. Like my pants. I know you’re jealous…but try not to be. Not everyone can be their new best friend. There is only room for one new best friend at a time. And right now, that’s me. So back off. Don’t make me go ghetto on yo ass.

I can.

I will.

They are my new best friends.

You can’t have them.