I think this is the most underrated holiday ever.

So, I’ve decided today should be a day off of work if you are 10 lbs overweight or more. Now I know 10 lbs doesn’t make you fat, but frankly, I’m trying to include as many people as I can in this holiday. I figure all women will be able to celebrate because, let’s face it, we all think we’re fat. Whether we are or not. Okay, and let’s be real, if you’re not 10 lbs overweight (we hate you) but you vow to devote your holiday to gaining weight, then you can celebrate as well. Everybody wins!

Think of the possibilities! I mean, FAT TUESDAY! A whole day devoted to gluttony. And sloth. A holiday for 2 of the seven deadly sins. Seriously, it doesn’t get any better than that. Don’t just save this day for good Catholics…share the gluttony with the world!

Maybe we should petition the government to add Fat Tuesday to our list of Federal holidays. All of those in favor, say AYE!