I’m sitting here watching last week’s Survivor; Exile Island.

How? you ask.

Tivo, you answer.

No, I say. Not Tivo.

Hmm. You contemplate, scratching your head. Not Tivo? Then how?

The Pam, I answer. I’m watching last week’s Survivor because of The Pam.

You see, The Pam used her Tivo to record Survivor and then she used her fancy shmancy DVD burner-thingy to burn a copy of the show and she mailed it to me. So, now I’m watching it.

I love Pam.

And can I say, the little girls on this show are getting on my last ever-loving-nerve.

I’m sitting here watching last week’s Survivor; Exile Island.

How? you ask.

Tivo, you answer.

No, I say. Not Tivo.

Hmm. You contemplate, scratching your head. Not Tivo? Then how?

The Pam, I answer. I’m watching last week’s Survivor because of The Pam.

You see, The Pam used her Tivo to record Survivor and then she used her fancy shmancy DVD burner-thingy to burn a copy of the show and she mailed it to me. So, now I’m watching it.

I love Pam.

And can I say, the little girls on this show are getting on my last ever-loving-nerve.

So, I’ve been in a bit of a funk over the past month. Not really a personal funk, but a writing funk. The woman I worship who spends way too much time analyzing crap says that writing is a lot like dieting. You hit a plateau and no matter how much you starve yourself, exercise, and stop smelling the bacon grease, you just can’t get over that hump.

I guess I’m sitting in that pit of bacon grease which is my writing…trying to push past this plateau.

But I’m not really pushing through so much as I’m treading in the grease. It’s very messy.

HOWEVER!

There is good news on the horizon! My posse and I are headed to Gatlinburg, TN for a writing retreat next week. We have rented a cabin and will be spending 5 days tapping away at our keyboards. Last February we did this in Dauphin Island, AL. (Kinda hard to do this year, since Katrina and her waves took most of Dauphin Island with her. Bitch) It was fabulous and it was just the ticket I needed to push me through to the end of my first completed novel.

Let’s hope this little slice of heaven will be just what I need to jump out of the writing grease and into the fount of motivation.

So, I’ve been in a bit of a funk over the past month. Not really a personal funk, but a writing funk. The woman I worship who spends way too much time analyzing crap says that writing is a lot like dieting. You hit a plateau and no matter how much you starve yourself, exercise, and stop smelling the bacon grease, you just can’t get over that hump.

I guess I’m sitting in that pit of bacon grease which is my writing…trying to push past this plateau.

But I’m not really pushing through so much as I’m treading in the grease. It’s very messy.

HOWEVER!

There is good news on the horizon! My posse and I are headed to Gatlinburg, TN for a writing retreat next week. We have rented a cabin and will be spending 5 days tapping away at our keyboards. Last February we did this in Dauphin Island, AL. (Kinda hard to do this year, since Katrina and her waves took most of Dauphin Island with her. Bitch) It was fabulous and it was just the ticket I needed to push me through to the end of my first completed novel.

Let’s hope this little slice of heaven will be just what I need to jump out of the writing grease and into the fount of motivation.

Yeah, I’ve been pretty quiet lately, but I have a really good reason.

Well, not a *good* reason, but a real reason.

We had a death in the family last week. Mark’s uncle passed away suddenly and we picked up and rushed home to see family and do the funeral thing.

His death was very tragic for so many reasons. He was only 48 (actually, he turned 49 on Sunday, so they had Happy Birthday balloons at his memorial service). He left a wife who didn’t work and an 18 year old daughter.

This is tough stuff.

And what did I take away from all this?

1. Get life insurance.
2. Be very specific about what you want if you die. Burial or cremation? Organ donation (This should be SOP for everyone, but don’t get me started on that soap box) Party or funeral? Hymns or rockband?
3. Get life insurance.
4. Don’t take life for granted. As one of Frank’s nephews said, “Tomorrow is not a guarantee.”

Okay. That’s enough of that. Now you know where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing. Back to normal blogging soon.

By the way, Mark and I spent the weekend explaining our desires should anything ever happen to us. We have taken the “Take what you can use and burn the rest” plan of action. And then throw a big ass party. Celebrate us. And put a big ass plaque up somewhere to remember us.

As if you could ever forget us. hah.

Yeah, I’ve been pretty quiet lately, but I have a really good reason.

Well, not a *good* reason, but a real reason.

We had a death in the family last week. Mark’s uncle passed away suddenly and we picked up and rushed home to see family and do the funeral thing.

His death was very tragic for so many reasons. He was only 48 (actually, he turned 49 on Sunday, so they had Happy Birthday balloons at his memorial service). He left a wife who didn’t work and an 18 year old daughter.

This is tough stuff.

And what did I take away from all this?

1. Get life insurance.
2. Be very specific about what you want if you die. Burial or cremation? Organ donation (This should be SOP for everyone, but don’t get me started on that soap box) Party or funeral? Hymns or rockband?
3. Get life insurance.
4. Don’t take life for granted. As one of Frank’s nephews said, “Tomorrow is not a guarantee.”

Okay. That’s enough of that. Now you know where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing. Back to normal blogging soon.

By the way, Mark and I spent the weekend explaining our desires should anything ever happen to us. We have taken the “Take what you can use and burn the rest” plan of action. And then throw a big ass party. Celebrate us. And put a big ass plaque up somewhere to remember us.

As if you could ever forget us. hah.

Well, after not being able to make myself write tonight, I decided to see what was on tv.

I watched Project Runway Season Two from beginning to where we are now. Yes, now I’ve seen every show twice, but I don’t care. I love that show.

Then, I started flipping trying to find something else… A movie. Maybe Pay Per View…something. So I flipped to HBO and saw that Million Dollar Baby had just started.

I haven’t seen it yet. I knew how it ended so I’d been avoiding it. I knew it was a tear jerker and everytime it’s been on, I’ve thought–“Nah. Not tonight.”

Well, tonight was the night.

What an amazing movie. I cried like a baby. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s on HBO right now. Go watch it. Hurry up. Go. Now.

You won’t regret it.

*spoilers and opinion to follow*

Now, I will say, there were parts of that movie that I found unbelievable. Like, when chickie-poo took the cheap shot after the bell rang…you know, the shot that did Maggie in? The ref had warned chickie-poo that one more time and she would be disqualified. So, why were they saying Maggie lost the fight? That made no sense to me.

And the other part that was difficult for me to swallow was the bed sores. I know she couldn’t move, but honestly, they would move her. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m thinking those bed sores would’ve brought on some major lawsuits… They would’ve done everything they could to avoid that. She would’ve had and PT/OT and they would’ve moved her from that bed more often.

Those two things really stuck out at me and bugged the crap out of me.

I still cried, though. What a heart wrenching flick. Hilary Swank deserved that Oscar. It was a helluva movie.

Well, after not being able to make myself write tonight, I decided to see what was on tv.

I watched Project Runway Season Two from beginning to where we are now. Yes, now I’ve seen every show twice, but I don’t care. I love that show.

Then, I started flipping trying to find something else… A movie. Maybe Pay Per View…something. So I flipped to HBO and saw that Million Dollar Baby had just started.

I haven’t seen it yet. I knew how it ended so I’d been avoiding it. I knew it was a tear jerker and everytime it’s been on, I’ve thought–“Nah. Not tonight.”

Well, tonight was the night.

What an amazing movie. I cried like a baby. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s on HBO right now. Go watch it. Hurry up. Go. Now.

You won’t regret it.

*spoilers and opinion to follow*

Now, I will say, there were parts of that movie that I found unbelievable. Like, when chickie-poo took the cheap shot after the bell rang…you know, the shot that did Maggie in? The ref had warned chickie-poo that one more time and she would be disqualified. So, why were they saying Maggie lost the fight? That made no sense to me.

And the other part that was difficult for me to swallow was the bed sores. I know she couldn’t move, but honestly, they would move her. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m thinking those bed sores would’ve brought on some major lawsuits… They would’ve done everything they could to avoid that. She would’ve had and PT/OT and they would’ve moved her from that bed more often.

Those two things really stuck out at me and bugged the crap out of me.

I still cried, though. What a heart wrenching flick. Hilary Swank deserved that Oscar. It was a helluva movie.

This was sent to me by my friend Marley Gibson and I have to say, I’m laughing my ass off.

Is it that funny? you ask.

Well, yeah. It’s funny. But not for the reason you’re thinking.

It’s funny because, I just discovered, I’m a man. LOL

———————————————————————————-
WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT
THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, Feb. 27, 2006

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays — Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 1 doesn’t apply to me. At this point, I’m laughing, but I’m still a woman.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll — Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00for 2 hours.
Okay, we’re sneaking into iffy ground, here. I usually change the roll…but not always.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? — Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PMfor 2 hours.
I’m DEFINITELY STILL A WOMAN HERE.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor —
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PMfor 3 weeks.
ooops. This is the beginning of the end for me. I just throw my clothes in the general direction of the hamper. Usually. Sometimes, I just leave them wherever I shed them

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes — Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Heh. Guilty. This is why I have kids.

Class 6
Loss Of Identity — Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
This is why we have 3 TVs. I control the living room remote. If you don’t want to watch what I’m watching, go somewhere else.

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things — Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
I do NOT do this. The husband, he does.

Class 8
Health Watch — Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PMfor 2 hours.
Do NOT bring me a flower for my birthday, mother’s day, our anniversary, or valentine’s day. It is NOT romantic, it’s a cop out. Bring me flowers because it’s Wednesday.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost — Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Again, I’m bad about this. My husband will stop. Better yet, he brings a map AND he knows how to use it.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.
Does not apply.

Class 11
Learning to Live — Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Heh. That cracked me up. Does not apply to me. Not much.

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
I love to shop, I hate shopping with Mark. My GOD he takes for-fucking-ever. And then, he just gets the same damn style of shirt as always. You’d think he’d be able to run in, pick up the checked shirt of a different color and run out. But no, he has to run in, investigate all the checked shirts. Debate on which color checked shirt is best. Try on the checked shirts. Compare the prices. Ask if it’s on clearance. Walk around carrying the checked shirt while deciding whether or not you really want to buy the checked shirt. Look at new jeans. Decide they are too expensive. Take back one of the two checked shirts you’ve been carrying around for 1 hour and finally buy the one checked shirt.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy — Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and
Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PMfor 2 hours.
Heh. Doesn’t Apply.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven — What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Doesn’t apply. Mark and I both cook equally.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

This was sent to me by my friend Marley Gibson and I have to say, I’m laughing my ass off.

Is it that funny? you ask.

Well, yeah. It’s funny. But not for the reason you’re thinking.

It’s funny because, I just discovered, I’m a man. LOL

———————————————————————————-
WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT
THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, Feb. 27, 2006

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays — Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 1 doesn’t apply to me. At this point, I’m laughing, but I’m still a woman.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll — Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00for 2 hours.
Okay, we’re sneaking into iffy ground, here. I usually change the roll…but not always.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? — Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PMfor 2 hours.
I’m DEFINITELY STILL A WOMAN HERE.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor —
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PMfor 3 weeks.
ooops. This is the beginning of the end for me. I just throw my clothes in the general direction of the hamper. Usually. Sometimes, I just leave them wherever I shed them

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes — Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Heh. Guilty. This is why I have kids.

Class 6
Loss Of Identity — Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
This is why we have 3 TVs. I control the living room remote. If you don’t want to watch what I’m watching, go somewhere else.

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things — Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
I do NOT do this. The husband, he does.

Class 8
Health Watch — Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PMfor 2 hours.
Do NOT bring me a flower for my birthday, mother’s day, our anniversary, or valentine’s day. It is NOT romantic, it’s a cop out. Bring me flowers because it’s Wednesday.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost — Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Again, I’m bad about this. My husband will stop. Better yet, he brings a map AND he knows how to use it.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.
Does not apply.

Class 11
Learning to Live — Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Heh. That cracked me up. Does not apply to me. Not much.

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
I love to shop, I hate shopping with Mark. My GOD he takes for-fucking-ever. And then, he just gets the same damn style of shirt as always. You’d think he’d be able to run in, pick up the checked shirt of a different color and run out. But no, he has to run in, investigate all the checked shirts. Debate on which color checked shirt is best. Try on the checked shirts. Compare the prices. Ask if it’s on clearance. Walk around carrying the checked shirt while deciding whether or not you really want to buy the checked shirt. Look at new jeans. Decide they are too expensive. Take back one of the two checked shirts you’ve been carrying around for 1 hour and finally buy the one checked shirt.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy — Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and
Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PMfor 2 hours.
Heh. Doesn’t Apply.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven — What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Doesn’t apply. Mark and I both cook equally.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.