Thanks to Miss Snark for posting the link to the Vin Diesel List. I nearly peed my pants. Apparently this stems from a Vin Diesel Random Fact generator. There were only 29 on the list I read, but I’ve found others and added them.

The Very Best of Vin Diesel

1.Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

2.Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

3.There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

4.If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: “I End Lives.”

5.There is no “I” in team. There are two “I”s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

6.When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

7.In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

8.Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where’s Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, “This is BULLSHIT!” They’re all wearing shoes.” He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, “IF I CAN’T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!” The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

9.Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

10.Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his “Filet of Child” sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

11.Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

12.Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

13.Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

14.When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

15.Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi’s Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children’s hospital.

16.If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy’s. When asked why he doesn’t do this Vin replied “Because Grammy’s are for queers.” then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

17.It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

18.Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

19.Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose’s shit.

20.When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, “Holy crap! That’s Vin Diesel!” Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

21.On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

22.You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel’s diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

23.In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

24.Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North – they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, “Jackets are for pussies!” at the Acrtic researchers.

25.Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

26.Not only was Vin Diesel the first to shoot a baby out of a cannon, he was the first to eat a high velocity baby shot out of a cannon.

27.When Vin Diesel runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

28.Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown’s hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he’d come back to eat him.

29.When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

30. Vin Diesel created fire.

31. Vin Diesel doesn’t need special glasses to watch a 3-D movie.

32. To attain inner peace, Vin Diesel eats Buddhists.

33. Vin Diesel kills Dumbledore in Harry Potter 6 because he was bored.

34. Vin Diesel created Duct Tape to keep the universe from collapsing when he breathes.

35. Crop circles are Vin’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

Thanks to Miss Snark for posting the link to the Vin Diesel List. I nearly peed my pants. Apparently this stems from a Vin Diesel Random Fact generator. There were only 29 on the list I read, but I’ve found others and added them.

The Very Best of Vin Diesel

1.Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

2.Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

3.There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

4.If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: “I End Lives.”

5.There is no “I” in team. There are two “I”s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

6.When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

7.In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

8.Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where’s Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, “This is BULLSHIT!” They’re all wearing shoes.” He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, “IF I CAN’T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!” The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

9.Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

10.Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his “Filet of Child” sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

11.Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

12.Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

13.Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

14.When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

15.Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi’s Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children’s hospital.

16.If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy’s. When asked why he doesn’t do this Vin replied “Because Grammy’s are for queers.” then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

17.It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

18.Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

19.Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose’s shit.

20.When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, “Holy crap! That’s Vin Diesel!” Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

21.On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

22.You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel’s diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

23.In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

24.Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North – they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, “Jackets are for pussies!” at the Acrtic researchers.

25.Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

26.Not only was Vin Diesel the first to shoot a baby out of a cannon, he was the first to eat a high velocity baby shot out of a cannon.

27.When Vin Diesel runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

28.Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown’s hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he’d come back to eat him.

29.When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

30. Vin Diesel created fire.

31. Vin Diesel doesn’t need special glasses to watch a 3-D movie.

32. To attain inner peace, Vin Diesel eats Buddhists.

33. Vin Diesel kills Dumbledore in Harry Potter 6 because he was bored.

34. Vin Diesel created Duct Tape to keep the universe from collapsing when he breathes.

35. Crop circles are Vin’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

What is going on this week?

First, Entertainment Tonight did it.

Then, this morning, The Today Show did it.

And I found myself to be so damn irritated, I couldn’t see straight.

What did they do? Well, ET dressed Vanessa Minnillo up in a fat suit to simulate a 350 lb woman. And The Today Show dressed Rebecca Mader up in a fat suit to resemble someone “twice her normal weight.” BTW–Mader’s suit was much more believable.

Why do I have my XL panties in a wad over this? Because the way they portrayed these women. They reported that the stares were harsh and that people treated them differently. They wouldn’t wait on them in stores or give them directions. Mader went to a restaurant as herself without reservations one day and was seated immediately. She went as her Fat Self the next day and they told her it would be 30-40 minutes.

They both reported that people seemed to look through them, if they looked at them at all. At one point, Minnillo was asking perfect strangers in a park if they would help her tie her shoes. You know what? I’m pretty sure I would walk away from you, too–no matter what size you are.

My favorite thing that happened on camera was when a strung out chick at the subway came up to Mader and just yelled “You’re fat!” at her over and over again. I laughed so hard I nearly cried.

Mader just stood there–stunned. I guess The Today Show writers forgot to write a snappy little comeback in case of emergencies.

I’m a big girl and I’ve been a big girl for a while now. One time I had some frat boys “moo” at me in the grocery store. And I handled it very well, thankyouverymuch. They’ll never moo at anyone else again.

But that’s not my point. My point is, normal people don’t just approach us fatties and say, “You’re fat.” They’re either paid to do that or they haven’t put the crack pipe down.

It’s not your weight, it’s how you carry yourself. These undercover fatties were not walking with their heads held high, making eye contact, smiling. Hell, Minnillo was wearing a VELOUR JOGGING SUIT. That’s why she was being ignored. LOL

I wear clothes that fit. I have my navel pierced and occasionally, expose my soft belly. I laugh and strut and make eye contact because I’m not ashamed to be me. At 36 and overweight, I still get hit on.

So, next time you big time news shows want to do a show on fatties, how about you make it about real women instead?

And somebody PLEASE feed Minnillo and Mader a sandwich, bless their bony little hearts.

What is going on this week?

First, Entertainment Tonight did it.

Then, this morning, The Today Show did it.

And I found myself to be so damn irritated, I couldn’t see straight.

What did they do? Well, ET dressed Vanessa Minnillo up in a fat suit to simulate a 350 lb woman. And The Today Show dressed Rebecca Mader up in a fat suit to resemble someone “twice her normal weight.” BTW–Mader’s suit was much more believable.

Why do I have my XL panties in a wad over this? Because the way they portrayed these women. They reported that the stares were harsh and that people treated them differently. They wouldn’t wait on them in stores or give them directions. Mader went to a restaurant as herself without reservations one day and was seated immediately. She went as her Fat Self the next day and they told her it would be 30-40 minutes.

They both reported that people seemed to look through them, if they looked at them at all. At one point, Minnillo was asking perfect strangers in a park if they would help her tie her shoes. You know what? I’m pretty sure I would walk away from you, too–no matter what size you are.

My favorite thing that happened on camera was when a strung out chick at the subway came up to Mader and just yelled “You’re fat!” at her over and over again. I laughed so hard I nearly cried.

Mader just stood there–stunned. I guess The Today Show writers forgot to write a snappy little comeback in case of emergencies.

I’m a big girl and I’ve been a big girl for a while now. One time I had some frat boys “moo” at me in the grocery store. And I handled it very well, thankyouverymuch. They’ll never moo at anyone else again.

But that’s not my point. My point is, normal people don’t just approach us fatties and say, “You’re fat.” They’re either paid to do that or they haven’t put the crack pipe down.

It’s not your weight, it’s how you carry yourself. These undercover fatties were not walking with their heads held high, making eye contact, smiling. Hell, Minnillo was wearing a VELOUR JOGGING SUIT. That’s why she was being ignored. LOL

I wear clothes that fit. I have my navel pierced and occasionally, expose my soft belly. I laugh and strut and make eye contact because I’m not ashamed to be me. At 36 and overweight, I still get hit on.

So, next time you big time news shows want to do a show on fatties, how about you make it about real women instead?

And somebody PLEASE feed Minnillo and Mader a sandwich, bless their bony little hearts.

This shit only happens to me.

Tonight, I’m getting ready to retire to the bedroom. As always, I walk to the boys’ rooms and kiss them on the forehead and turn off every light in the known universe. Then, I come back to the living room, grab the cordless phone and my drink and head toward my bedroom.

I get into the kitchen, stop to turn off the lights and when I do, the cordless phone flips out of my hand and smack dab into the trashcan. Hahahaha, I think. That was funny. I couldn’t have done that if I’d’ve planned it. (I’d’ve is the best contraction ever, btw)

Well, I reach into the can (which appeared empty) and pull out the phone–THE CHEESECAKE covered phone.

Oh yes. Cheesecake AND whip cream.

DISGUSTING.

Who does this? Who the hell else would this happen to?

This shit only happens to me.

Tonight, I’m getting ready to retire to the bedroom. As always, I walk to the boys’ rooms and kiss them on the forehead and turn off every light in the known universe. Then, I come back to the living room, grab the cordless phone and my drink and head toward my bedroom.

I get into the kitchen, stop to turn off the lights and when I do, the cordless phone flips out of my hand and smack dab into the trashcan. Hahahaha, I think. That was funny. I couldn’t have done that if I’d’ve planned it. (I’d’ve is the best contraction ever, btw)

Well, I reach into the can (which appeared empty) and pull out the phone–THE CHEESECAKE covered phone.

Oh yes. Cheesecake AND whip cream.

DISGUSTING.

Who does this? Who the hell else would this happen to?

What a bargain! For a mere $5.20 you can download this very hot book written by my very good friend, Naughty Kate.

BUY THIS NOW!

I downloaded it at work this morning and now I’m all flushed and thirsty. Could somebody please turn on the air?

Eden’s Pleasure By Kate Pearce
Eight years ago, after a summer of sexual dalliance with Gervase Harcourt and his twin brother Gideon, Eden was forced into marriage. Now widowed and twenty six, she is eager to enjoy her freedom and explore her deepest sexual desires.

When she crosses paths with the delectable Harcourt twins again, they offer to make amends for their part in her miserable marriage by fulfilling her sexual fantasies. They introduce her to Madame Desiree’s House of Pleasure where any erotic dream can become a reality. She also learns love has its darker side and that for Gideon, not all the fantasies played out at Madame Desiree’s are pleasurable.

As Eden explores her sensuality she realizes her heart still belongs to Gervase. But is she more than just a sexual plaything to him? Forced to consider another unwanted marriage and convinced that her barren state is why Gervase hasn’t offered to marry her, Eden flees from Gervase and the sensual web he’s spun around her. But Gervase has learned his own lessons at Madame Desiree’s…

What a bargain! For a mere $5.20 you can download this very hot book written by my very good friend, Naughty Kate.

BUY THIS NOW!

I downloaded it at work this morning and now I’m all flushed and thirsty. Could somebody please turn on the air?

Eden’s Pleasure By Kate Pearce
Eight years ago, after a summer of sexual dalliance with Gervase Harcourt and his twin brother Gideon, Eden was forced into marriage. Now widowed and twenty six, she is eager to enjoy her freedom and explore her deepest sexual desires.

When she crosses paths with the delectable Harcourt twins again, they offer to make amends for their part in her miserable marriage by fulfilling her sexual fantasies. They introduce her to Madame Desiree’s House of Pleasure where any erotic dream can become a reality. She also learns love has its darker side and that for Gideon, not all the fantasies played out at Madame Desiree’s are pleasurable.

As Eden explores her sensuality she realizes her heart still belongs to Gervase. But is she more than just a sexual plaything to him? Forced to consider another unwanted marriage and convinced that her barren state is why Gervase hasn’t offered to marry her, Eden flees from Gervase and the sensual web he’s spun around her. But Gervase has learned his own lessons at Madame Desiree’s…

Have you ever just been in the mood for a good storm?

Well, I am in one of those very moods right now. It’s been far too long since we’ve had one here.

My little weatherbug sounded off an alert. “THIS IS A PARTICULARLY DANGEROUS SITUATION” it said.

Bring it on.