Shannon Mckelden admitted in her comments to me that she hates being Santa.

I must admit, she’s not alone. I haven’t been a big fan of playing Santa. The whole keeping secrets thing, false hope thing, disappointment when Santa had no money and couldn’t even afford the lump of coal for your sock thing….

Not to mention having to stay up later than the kids in order to put the Santa gifts out. Huh. I’m almost old. I shouldn’t have to stay up past my bed times just to make the young’uns happy. It’s my Christmas, too.

Yeah, so anyway, now I’m wondering if maybe it’s not a coincidence that Santa is Satan’s anagram. (look ma! a big word from junior high english!)

Could this be the only way Beelzebub could wrangle an invite to Baby Jesus’ birthday party?

Seems awful suspicious to me.

OH. MY. GOD.

So my tongue was perfectly planted in my cheek when I made my Santa/Satan comment…cuz I totally don’t believe it but think it’s kinda funny that they are like, anagrams. (look ma! I used that big word again. And properly!)

Anyway, I thought it would be funny to google Satan Santa and so I did. I wanted a picture of santa with horns or something. See, like this one…
But my google search brought up sooooo much more. Did you know people really believe Satan and Santa are the same because they are anagrams? (woohoo! 3 times, ma!) Really? I mean, really?

Look at this quote from one of the sites*:

So talk to your children before it is too late! Tell them that Santa is no kindly old man; he is an evil demon. And next time your family sees some propped up gin-soaked vagrant in a Mall wearing a red suit with white furry cuffs, set a good example and witness for the other deluded people waiting in line. Loudly, rebuke him! Announce to all the children in the store “Not only is Santa a lie, he will ravage you sexually, drink your blood and drag your palpating carcasses down to Hell with him!” It is only through setting a good example that we can put the Christ back in Christmas.

Are you freaking kidding me? Seriously? Telling the kids that Santa is a vampire rapist with a first class ticket on the handbasket to hell is putting the Christ back in Christmas? Really?

I’m laughing so hard right now, I think I peed a little.

*Edited to add:

This is from a satirical site: Landoverbaptist.org and I quoted it cuz it summed up the absurdity of Santa being Satan perfectly.

However, if you want some sites who do believe Santa is Santa, just google it. Amazing. Truly. See, I guess I’m still a little naïve…

Shannon Mckelden admitted in her comments to me that she hates being Santa.

I must admit, she’s not alone. I haven’t been a big fan of playing Santa. The whole keeping secrets thing, false hope thing, disappointment when Santa had no money and couldn’t even afford the lump of coal for your sock thing….

Not to mention having to stay up later than the kids in order to put the Santa gifts out. Huh. I’m almost old. I shouldn’t have to stay up past my bed times just to make the young’uns happy. It’s my Christmas, too.

Yeah, so anyway, now I’m wondering if maybe it’s not a coincidence that Santa is Satan’s anagram. (look ma! a big word from junior high english!)

Could this be the only way Beelzebub could wrangle an invite to Baby Jesus’ birthday party?

Seems awful suspicious to me.

OH. MY. GOD.

So my tongue was perfectly planted in my cheek when I made my Santa/Satan comment…cuz I totally don’t believe it but think it’s kinda funny that they are like, anagrams. (look ma! I used that big word again. And properly!)

Anyway, I thought it would be funny to google Satan Santa and so I did. I wanted a picture of santa with horns or something. See, like this one…
But my google search brought up sooooo much more. Did you know people really believe Satan and Santa are the same because they are anagrams? (woohoo! 3 times, ma!) Really? I mean, really?

Look at this quote from one of the sites*:

So talk to your children before it is too late! Tell them that Santa is no kindly old man; he is an evil demon. And next time your family sees some propped up gin-soaked vagrant in a Mall wearing a red suit with white furry cuffs, set a good example and witness for the other deluded people waiting in line. Loudly, rebuke him! Announce to all the children in the store “Not only is Santa a lie, he will ravage you sexually, drink your blood and drag your palpating carcasses down to Hell with him!” It is only through setting a good example that we can put the Christ back in Christmas.

Are you freaking kidding me? Seriously? Telling the kids that Santa is a vampire rapist with a first class ticket on the handbasket to hell is putting the Christ back in Christmas? Really?

I’m laughing so hard right now, I think I peed a little.

*Edited to add:

This is from a satirical site: Landoverbaptist.org and I quoted it cuz it summed up the absurdity of Santa being Satan perfectly.

However, if you want some sites who do believe Santa is Santa, just google it. Amazing. Truly. See, I guess I’m still a little naïve…

My mother was in 1st grade when she found out about Santa. It still amazes me that she opened up a dictionary and looked him up. “A mythical character…” yup. So then she looked up the word mythicial…and sees the word “imaginary”.

This from a 6 year old. And she is still the least romantic and most analytical person on earth to this day.

Santa Claus is the most romantic notion ever, if you think about it. (Ladies, just look at him!) And yes, 5th grade is probably a little old to really still believe in him, but boy, I did.

I can tell you one thing is for sure–if I hadn’t found out about Santa before I got the houseshoes instead of the Mr. Microphone, I would’ve certainly stopped believing then.*

So, when did you stop believing? Do you remember?

*Santa my mother apparently did some research and discovered the Mr. Microphones were pieces of shit and so she chose not to purchase it because she didn’t want me to be disappointed. The problem was, I saw this wrapped gift under the tree that was the PERFECT size for a Mr. Microphone and it was all I wanted…so, of course, that box couldn’t be anything else. God they were ugly houseshoes.

My mother was in 1st grade when she found out about Santa. It still amazes me that she opened up a dictionary and looked him up. “A mythical character…” yup. So then she looked up the word mythicial…and sees the word “imaginary”.

This from a 6 year old. And she is still the least romantic and most analytical person on earth to this day.

Santa Claus is the most romantic notion ever, if you think about it. (Ladies, just look at him!) And yes, 5th grade is probably a little old to really still believe in him, but boy, I did.

I can tell you one thing is for sure–if I hadn’t found out about Santa before I got the houseshoes instead of the Mr. Microphone, I would’ve certainly stopped believing then.*

So, when did you stop believing? Do you remember?

*Santa my mother apparently did some research and discovered the Mr. Microphones were pieces of shit and so she chose not to purchase it because she didn’t want me to be disappointed. The problem was, I saw this wrapped gift under the tree that was the PERFECT size for a Mr. Microphone and it was all I wanted…so, of course, that box couldn’t be anything else. God they were ugly houseshoes.

Maureen tagged me and boy am I glad cuz I didn’t really know what to talk about…and now I have a topic! Woohoo!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Um. The only thing good about egg nog is the bourbon and that goes just as nicely in my Cocoa, tyvm.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Santa has no time to waste on wrapping. He spits in the face of wrapping!

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? I used to be a white light kinda girl. Then I decidedmy language was colorful, so my Christmas lights should be, too. Viva la Colour!

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nah. I have a hard enough time keeping Fishdog away from me now. He don’t need no stinkin’ misletoe.

5. When do you put your decorations up? Whenever the weather is nice. Shoulda done it this past weekend, but we shoulda done lots o’ stuff this past weekend. Probably will happen this coming weekend.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Is it food? Then I pretty much like it.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Hmmm. I dunno. I can tell you it wasn’t the year I opened the gift that I just KNEW would be my Mr. Microphone (the only damn thing I wanted that year) and it turned out to be a pair of quilted houseshoes. I. Was. Devestated. (I suppose if that’s my worst Christmas memory ever, then I’ve led a pretty sweet life, huh?)

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? Oh. My. God. Can I just tell you how upset I was when I found out? I was in 5th grade. (Yes, 5th grade) and I found my letter to Santa with items crossed out and prices next them in my mom’s handwriting. I did the whole drama queen thing and grabbed the letter and huffed outside. I angrily showed Mom the evidence and said, “Don’t worry. I won’t tell Michael.” (my younger brother) Mom said, “Oh honey, he’s known for two years.”

Sigh. How sad is that?

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? No. It’s Christmas Eve. Not Christmas. Do you open one birthday gift on your Birthday Eve?

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? I’m with Maureen on this one. Not sure I understand the question…but Drunk is a good answer. I’ll go with that.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it but we never see it. This is Mississippi, you know. When we do see it, it’s gone in two days. Now, I like it that way…I’d hate to live where snow was on the ground for months at a time. That means it’s cold for months at a time. I don’t dig cold.

12. Can you ice skate? Yes. Actually, I took ice skating as a Physical Ed credit in college. I had great legs that year. Oh, and a fantastic ass. Hmmm. Maybe I should take up ice skating again…

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? It was the year Santa my parents got me the most awesome stereo ever. It was from Montgomery Wards (LOL!) and it was one of those tower stereos with big speakers and a dual cassette player as well as the turntable and radio. Who else misses the 80s? C’mon. Don’t be ashamed. You know you miss the 80s.

14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Friends, family, and food. Not in any particular order.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Um, is it dessert? Then it’s my favorite. The one thing I don’t like…DAVINITY. Gak!

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? I dunno. We’re still working on our traditions, I think.

17. What tops your tree? I can’t remember. It changed last year.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? I love to give gifts. I love knowing I did just the right gift for everyone. But who am I kidding, I love getting them too.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Bob and Doug McKenzie’s 12 Days of Christmas.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? YUM!

So, I tag Kate, Feist, Louisa, and Pam Trader!

Maureen tagged me and boy am I glad cuz I didn’t really know what to talk about…and now I have a topic! Woohoo!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Um. The only thing good about egg nog is the bourbon and that goes just as nicely in my Cocoa, tyvm.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Santa has no time to waste on wrapping. He spits in the face of wrapping!

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? I used to be a white light kinda girl. Then I decidedmy language was colorful, so my Christmas lights should be, too. Viva la Colour!

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nah. I have a hard enough time keeping Fishdog away from me now. He don’t need no stinkin’ misletoe.

5. When do you put your decorations up? Whenever the weather is nice. Shoulda done it this past weekend, but we shoulda done lots o’ stuff this past weekend. Probably will happen this coming weekend.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Is it food? Then I pretty much like it.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Hmmm. I dunno. I can tell you it wasn’t the year I opened the gift that I just KNEW would be my Mr. Microphone (the only damn thing I wanted that year) and it turned out to be a pair of quilted houseshoes. I. Was. Devestated. (I suppose if that’s my worst Christmas memory ever, then I’ve led a pretty sweet life, huh?)

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? Oh. My. God. Can I just tell you how upset I was when I found out? I was in 5th grade. (Yes, 5th grade) and I found my letter to Santa with items crossed out and prices next them in my mom’s handwriting. I did the whole drama queen thing and grabbed the letter and huffed outside. I angrily showed Mom the evidence and said, “Don’t worry. I won’t tell Michael.” (my younger brother) Mom said, “Oh honey, he’s known for two years.”

Sigh. How sad is that?

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? No. It’s Christmas Eve. Not Christmas. Do you open one birthday gift on your Birthday Eve?

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? I’m with Maureen on this one. Not sure I understand the question…but Drunk is a good answer. I’ll go with that.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it but we never see it. This is Mississippi, you know. When we do see it, it’s gone in two days. Now, I like it that way…I’d hate to live where snow was on the ground for months at a time. That means it’s cold for months at a time. I don’t dig cold.

12. Can you ice skate? Yes. Actually, I took ice skating as a Physical Ed credit in college. I had great legs that year. Oh, and a fantastic ass. Hmmm. Maybe I should take up ice skating again…

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? It was the year Santa my parents got me the most awesome stereo ever. It was from Montgomery Wards (LOL!) and it was one of those tower stereos with big speakers and a dual cassette player as well as the turntable and radio. Who else misses the 80s? C’mon. Don’t be ashamed. You know you miss the 80s.

14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Friends, family, and food. Not in any particular order.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Um, is it dessert? Then it’s my favorite. The one thing I don’t like…DAVINITY. Gak!

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? I dunno. We’re still working on our traditions, I think.

17. What tops your tree? I can’t remember. It changed last year.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? I love to give gifts. I love knowing I did just the right gift for everyone. But who am I kidding, I love getting them too.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Bob and Doug McKenzie’s 12 Days of Christmas.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? YUM!

So, I tag Kate, Feist, Louisa, and Pam Trader!

Not kinky. Kink. As in, I’ve got a kink in my back. Which I suppose could be kinky if you’re into you know, pain, but I’m not. Cuz I don’t like this kink thing at all. It does not hurt so good.

I thought it was my arthritis at first. (Yeah, yeah, save the old lady jokes for later.) It could just be my back telling me to find the treadmill again because my ass has grown exponentially since Thursday. (Look ma, I used a big word! hope I spelled it right…) Or it could be that I’ve been sitting in the same spot for three days writing.

*ding ding ding* I think we have a winner.

So, yes, I’ve been writing. And yes, I have the revisions and the outlines to show for it. But apparently I also have kink. You know, I blame Peaches. She wanted to be wined and dined and taken for a lovely walk. She pretened she didn’t want me to smack her around and call her a dirty bitch.

And I obliged, like a good little writer.

And she repays me with kink.

I think Peaches liked getting spanked more than she admitted.

Not kinky. Kink. As in, I’ve got a kink in my back. Which I suppose could be kinky if you’re into you know, pain, but I’m not. Cuz I don’t like this kink thing at all. It does not hurt so good.

I thought it was my arthritis at first. (Yeah, yeah, save the old lady jokes for later.) It could just be my back telling me to find the treadmill again because my ass has grown exponentially since Thursday. (Look ma, I used a big word! hope I spelled it right…) Or it could be that I’ve been sitting in the same spot for three days writing.

*ding ding ding* I think we have a winner.

So, yes, I’ve been writing. And yes, I have the revisions and the outlines to show for it. But apparently I also have kink. You know, I blame Peaches. She wanted to be wined and dined and taken for a lovely walk. She pretened she didn’t want me to smack her around and call her a dirty bitch.

And I obliged, like a good little writer.

And she repays me with kink.

I think Peaches liked getting spanked more than she admitted.

I’m a coffee girl. I heart waking up to a brewing pot o’ joe. The only thing that makes waking to the smell of coffee better in the morning is waking to the smell of coffee brewing alongside the smell of breakfast cooking.

Yesterday I used the last of the coffee. I made a mental note to run to the store later and get some more–then promptly forgot about it.

This morning, I wake to the memory of my mental note. Sigh. No coffee. And frankly, I just wasn’t motivated enough to head to the store at 7:00.

I needed a coffee substitute. I rummaged in my cabinet looking for the proper warm drink, thinking hot cocoa might do the trick. And that’s when I found the English Tea I kept in stock when the lads were here.

So, I heated some water and had my first cup of English Tea. And yes, I even tried it with a little sugar and milk.

Not bad. Not a replacement for coffee, but definitely not bad.

I’m a coffee girl. I heart waking up to a brewing pot o’ joe. The only thing that makes waking to the smell of coffee better in the morning is waking to the smell of coffee brewing alongside the smell of breakfast cooking.

Yesterday I used the last of the coffee. I made a mental note to run to the store later and get some more–then promptly forgot about it.

This morning, I wake to the memory of my mental note. Sigh. No coffee. And frankly, I just wasn’t motivated enough to head to the store at 7:00.

I needed a coffee substitute. I rummaged in my cabinet looking for the proper warm drink, thinking hot cocoa might do the trick. And that’s when I found the English Tea I kept in stock when the lads were here.

So, I heated some water and had my first cup of English Tea. And yes, I even tried it with a little sugar and milk.

Not bad. Not a replacement for coffee, but definitely not bad.