We temporarily interrupt this program to announce a FREE online workshop being offered at the HEA Cafe. (RWA Online’s Published Author Blog)

This month’s topic: Conquering the Synopsis by Claire Delacroix

Go forth and learn. It’s a fantastic workshop.

So, we spent Sunday at Universal studios. After some parking drama (surely they didn’t expect us to drive AND read signs simultaneously?) we park in the Kong parking lot and head into the park and proceed to milk it dry. We had a blast. The longest line we had to wait in was maybe 45 minutes and that was for their newest (newest to us, anyway) ride, The Mummy. (which was fantastic!) We didn’t know it was a roller coaster until we got to the top. With that ride, we created a roller coaster monster in Rader. He was a maniac after that! Ian…not so much. He would ride a few but if he could see that it went upside down, he kindly waited for us near the exit.

Naturally, we were exhausted by the time we get to the house we shared with my parents, my brother, his wife, and their two kids. (I cannot even talk about it…) Mom wanted to go buy groceries right that moment. And, of course, I had to go with her. I knew it was a bad idea to try and plan too many meals in advance because shit happens and plans change. But mom insisted that we have 2 dinners at home. I suggested that we just do lunch meat, cheeses, spaghetti, and breakfast foods. Nope. That’s not gonna be enough.

Fine. Who am I to argue? I bought the beer and wine and then my brother refused to pay for his half of that purchase because I should’ve known that Florida beer doesn’t have the same alcohol content as the rest of the country. Huh? You mean to tell me that all the breweries around the world brew a lower alcohol beer specifically for Florida? I don’t think so. I did a little research that night and gladly informed him that Florida has an alcohol cap on beer. It won’t sell anything labeled “beer” that contains over 6% alcohol. So, for instance, they can sell Guinness Draught, but not Guinness Stout. Some states that have similar laws have an “out” and as long as the “offending beverage” is labeled as Malt Liquor they can sell it. Anyway, I still didn’t get reimbursed but I did get to inform my brother he was wrong. That felt almost as good as the money in my pocket.

After overshopping, I took a long hot shower then collapsed in bed. I’m sure I was asleep well before 10:00.

Then came Monday morning. Now I know that there is drama in every family, but I swear mine could teach Drama 101. My niece woke with a burning fever. I tucked her in the night before around 9:00 and she was tired but not feverish. However, I was told I should’ve noticed her fever when I put her to bed. Ooops. My bad. My fever prediction ability is currently in the shop for its 100K mile check up. We had planned to go to Magic Kingdom on Monday, but as I said, shit happens and plans change…so we decided to go to Epcot and my SIL stayed home with my niece.

After watching my bro force my nephew onto several rides and listening to him baby talk his 6 year old for 5 hours, I was ready for a beer. So we headed to The World Showcase…and that’s where the real fun began….

Up next: It’s no fun when the evil wizard doesn’t play along

So, we spent Sunday at Universal studios. After some parking drama (surely they didn’t expect us to drive AND read signs simultaneously?) we park in the Kong parking lot and head into the park and proceed to milk it dry. We had a blast. The longest line we had to wait in was maybe 45 minutes and that was for their newest (newest to us, anyway) ride, The Mummy. (which was fantastic!) We didn’t know it was a roller coaster until we got to the top. With that ride, we created a roller coaster monster in Rader. He was a maniac after that! Ian…not so much. He would ride a few but if he could see that it went upside down, he kindly waited for us near the exit.

Naturally, we were exhausted by the time we get to the house we shared with my parents, my brother, his wife, and their two kids. (I cannot even talk about it…) Mom wanted to go buy groceries right that moment. And, of course, I had to go with her. I knew it was a bad idea to try and plan too many meals in advance because shit happens and plans change. But mom insisted that we have 2 dinners at home. I suggested that we just do lunch meat, cheeses, spaghetti, and breakfast foods. Nope. That’s not gonna be enough.

Fine. Who am I to argue? I bought the beer and wine and then my brother refused to pay for his half of that purchase because I should’ve known that Florida beer doesn’t have the same alcohol content as the rest of the country. Huh? You mean to tell me that all the breweries around the world brew a lower alcohol beer specifically for Florida? I don’t think so. I did a little research that night and gladly informed him that Florida has an alcohol cap on beer. It won’t sell anything labeled “beer” that contains over 6% alcohol. So, for instance, they can sell Guinness Draught, but not Guinness Stout. Some states that have similar laws have an “out” and as long as the “offending beverage” is labeled as Malt Liquor they can sell it. Anyway, I still didn’t get reimbursed but I did get to inform my brother he was wrong. That felt almost as good as the money in my pocket.

After overshopping, I took a long hot shower then collapsed in bed. I’m sure I was asleep well before 10:00.

Then came Monday morning. Now I know that there is drama in every family, but I swear mine could teach Drama 101. My niece woke with a burning fever. I tucked her in the night before around 9:00 and she was tired but not feverish. However, I was told I should’ve noticed her fever when I put her to bed. Ooops. My bad. My fever prediction ability is currently in the shop for its 100K mile check up. We had planned to go to Magic Kingdom on Monday, but as I said, shit happens and plans change…so we decided to go to Epcot and my SIL stayed home with my niece.

After watching my bro force my nephew onto several rides and listening to him baby talk his 6 year old for 5 hours, I was ready for a beer. So we headed to The World Showcase…and that’s where the real fun began….

Up next: It’s no fun when the evil wizard doesn’t play along

Okay, I’m not gonna give you a ‘real’ blog here. I just wanna say that I’m home again and damn glad of it.

I’m bottle deep into my wine and happy as a clam that I get to sleep in my own bed tonight.

Future blog topics will include:

• What can go wrong, will go wrong so just suck it up and smile
• It’s no fun when the Evil Wizard doesn’t participate
• Baby talk should be banned.
• Adding tequila to antifreeze does not make the antifreeze a margarita
• Where’s my beer?

Stay tuned because have I got some stories for you!

(ps. I lied. I kinda missed y’all. Sorta. Okay, not really. But I AM glad to be home.)

Okay, I’m not gonna give you a ‘real’ blog here. I just wanna say that I’m home again and damn glad of it.

I’m bottle deep into my wine and happy as a clam that I get to sleep in my own bed tonight.

Future blog topics will include:

• What can go wrong, will go wrong so just suck it up and smile
• It’s no fun when the Evil Wizard doesn’t participate
• Baby talk should be banned.
• Adding tequila to antifreeze does not make the antifreeze a margarita
• Where’s my beer?

Stay tuned because have I got some stories for you!

(ps. I lied. I kinda missed y’all. Sorta. Okay, not really. But I AM glad to be home.)

Well, first things first…I don’t miss y’all. (No offense or anything.) I farking lurve Disney. I’m tired as shit and my feet feel like swolled up whack-a-moles but who cares? It’s Disney!

Now, I’m not gonna do a detailed vacation post yet. Frankly, I’m too tired. FWIW, everyday while park stomping, I come up with great blog ideas/titles. But by the time I get home, I just don’t care enough to be witty.

But, those blogs will come. I promise. Hopefully this list of things not to do while in Disney will keep you entertained until I feel really witty again.

• If you’re an overweight woman traveling with your 12 year old daughter–DON’T wear her clothing. It’s not cute. You’re not hip. And no matter how much Nair you own, you should not be wearing short shorts.
• Don’t force your young child onto a ride. If he doesn’t want to ride, threatening to take him home won’t make him change his mind. If you make him ride, he will make the experience less than enjoyable for everyone else on the attraction. And frankly, it makes you seem like an asshole.
• Don’t travel and stay in the same house with extended family. No matter how much you love these people, you no longer live with them, and there is a reason for that.
• If you have hammer toes, don’t wear open toe shoes. If you are determined to show off your pedicure, please make sure you haven’t painted your hammer toes kelly green.
• Don’t wear white shorts without underwear. If you do, then don’t get on the Kali River Rapids. If you do, then expect everyone at the Animal Kingdom to see your naughty bits for a very long time.
• Don’t expect your 13 and 9 year old to actually listen to you. Don’t expect them not to climb on every rail or play with every chain they see. And definitely, don’t expect them not to fart in line and wait to see how long before someone notices. (other than their mom, of course.)
• If you ask your 13 and 9 year old to leave each other alone then you’re just a fool. “Leave each other alone” in sibling talk means “bug the fucking shit out of each other until your parents berate you endlessly in every line you stand in while they search for beer.” (btw, you can buy beer at all the theme parks!!!)
• Never make eye contact with the “street performers” at Epcot unless you want to be pulled into their little play as “the evil wizard Pelham”. (more on that later…)

These are just a few of the tips we’ve picked up along the way. More tips and observations to come soon.

Until then, Happy Birthday to me. (That’s right, I turn 29 (again) on the 14th.

Well, first things first…I don’t miss y’all. (No offense or anything.) I farking lurve Disney. I’m tired as shit and my feet feel like swolled up whack-a-moles but who cares? It’s Disney!

Now, I’m not gonna do a detailed vacation post yet. Frankly, I’m too tired. FWIW, everyday while park stomping, I come up with great blog ideas/titles. But by the time I get home, I just don’t care enough to be witty.

But, those blogs will come. I promise. Hopefully this list of things not to do while in Disney will keep you entertained until I feel really witty again.

• If you’re an overweight woman traveling with your 12 year old daughter–DON’T wear her clothing. It’s not cute. You’re not hip. And no matter how much Nair you own, you should not be wearing short shorts.
• Don’t force your young child onto a ride. If he doesn’t want to ride, threatening to take him home won’t make him change his mind. If you make him ride, he will make the experience less than enjoyable for everyone else on the attraction. And frankly, it makes you seem like an asshole.
• Don’t travel and stay in the same house with extended family. No matter how much you love these people, you no longer live with them, and there is a reason for that.
• If you have hammer toes, don’t wear open toe shoes. If you are determined to show off your pedicure, please make sure you haven’t painted your hammer toes kelly green.
• Don’t wear white shorts without underwear. If you do, then don’t get on the Kali River Rapids. If you do, then expect everyone at the Animal Kingdom to see your naughty bits for a very long time.
• Don’t expect your 13 and 9 year old to actually listen to you. Don’t expect them not to climb on every rail or play with every chain they see. And definitely, don’t expect them not to fart in line and wait to see how long before someone notices. (other than their mom, of course.)
• If you ask your 13 and 9 year old to leave each other alone then you’re just a fool. “Leave each other alone” in sibling talk means “bug the fucking shit out of each other until your parents berate you endlessly in every line you stand in while they search for beer.” (btw, you can buy beer at all the theme parks!!!)
• Never make eye contact with the “street performers” at Epcot unless you want to be pulled into their little play as “the evil wizard Pelham”. (more on that later…)

These are just a few of the tips we’ve picked up along the way. More tips and observations to come soon.

Until then, Happy Birthday to me. (That’s right, I turn 29 (again) on the 14th.

I’m officially finished with work and living in a sunshine state of mind.

I’ll try to blog from the road. Maybe even with pics!

Hey Chip, sorry you’re stuck at work—this one’s for you:

hasta la bye bye, mi amigos!

I’m officially finished with work and living in a sunshine state of mind.

I’ll try to blog from the road. Maybe even with pics!

Hey Chip, sorry you’re stuck at work—this one’s for you:

hasta la bye bye, mi amigos!

Tell Paula Abdul to STFU!!!!!

I don’t really watch American Idol as religiously as The Fishdog. Truth be told, I don’t really like the show until the final 6 or so, because let’s face it, the performances up until then can be sketchy at best.

I also have an issue with the fact that it’s a popularity contest and not a talent contest. If it were based on talent alone, there are a few finalists/winners that wouldn’t be. (koff, Clay Aiken, koff, Justin Guarini, koff, Carrie Underwearwood. okay, sorry. she can sing, but I still can’t stand her. Ugh. koff, Taylor Hick(s) Yeah yeah. I know people liked him. whatever. Chris Daughtry kicked his ass and outsang him.)

Anyway, back to my point. (and I do have one) Why is Paula Abdul on this show? Does anyone know? And more importantly, what the hell is she smokin’? It’s got to be some primo stuff cuz bitch don’t make no sense but she sho seems happy.

What I love most about Paula is the fact that she continually denies drinking or being under the influence of any mood-altering substance. Mmmmhmmmm. Funny, but I don’t really believe her. (FYI, you don’t have to watch much of the interview below to get where I’m coming from)