I need a distraction.

I’ve been writing the same paragraph for two hours and it ain’t goin’ nowhere.

I need a distraction…NOW.

I called my neighbor down the street—no answer.

I called my neighbor across the street—no answer.

I called my boss-slash-friend—no answer.

I can’t call Maria Geraci because she picked up an extra shift tonight. She’d hang up on me anyway, if she knew I was avoiding writing a scene.

I already talked to my friend, Angie. And although that had nothing to do with avoiding my writing–it did help. 🙂

Sigh. I guess I should suck it up and write the scene. (grumble, grumble; whine, whine) BUT! I DON’T WANNA!

WAH!

It’s Friday night and I’m sitting on my futon with my laptop perched on my lap, egrossed in rewrites.

Dinner was an afterthought. Fishdog comes home and asks if I’d given any thought to food.

Delivery. Ah the magic of delivery. I pay my homage to the creation of food delivery once a week or so.

Once upon a time, way back when, I was a pizza delivery girl. Boy do I have some stories. I actually wrote one of my first creative writing papers on pizza delivery.

So, thank you 3 Guys Pizza. The pizza was fab. It went really well with my Maker’s and Diet Coke.

And I never had to leave my futon.

It’s Friday night and I’m sitting on my futon with my laptop perched on my lap, egrossed in rewrites.

Dinner was an afterthought. Fishdog comes home and asks if I’d given any thought to food.

Delivery. Ah the magic of delivery. I pay my homage to the creation of food delivery once a week or so.

Once upon a time, way back when, I was a pizza delivery girl. Boy do I have some stories. I actually wrote one of my first creative writing papers on pizza delivery.

So, thank you 3 Guys Pizza. The pizza was fab. It went really well with my Maker’s and Diet Coke.

And I never had to leave my futon.

Not that I would know…(cough) but I’ve seen some of these things in action…

This was forwarded to me. I tweaked them a little and reposted here. It’s Friday night and I’m quite sure some of y’all will be partying hard tonight…just read these and remember. 🙂

12 ways to know we’ve had to much to drink:

1. We have absolutely no idea where our purse is or if we even brought one with us.
2. We believe that dancing with our arms flailing overhead and wiggling our “boo-tays” while yelling WHOOHOO is the sexiest dance move EVER.
3. We suddenly need to kick someone’s ass. Especially the big bitch with the big hair and the brass knuckles who gave our date the “come hither” stare. We also think we can kill that bitch without breaking a sweat.
4. During our last pee break, we notice that image in the mirror resembles a homeless hooker. We’re no longer the sex-pot goddesses we were when we left the house.
5. We burst into tears and start spouting our undying love to everyone in the bar.
6. Every time a new song is played, we jump up and down and exclaim, “Oh my God! It’s my favorite song, ever!”
7. We’ve found a deeper side to the geek sitting next to us.
8. We’ve suddenly taken up smoking and gotten really good at it. Look! A smoke ring!
9. We yell at the bartender for cheating us by just giving us lemonade. Sadly, it’s that we can no longer taste the gin.
10. We think we’re in bed, but our pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor.
11. We fail to notice the toilet lid is down when we sit on it.
12. We take our shoes off because it’s their damn fault we’re having problems walking.

Not that I would know…(cough) but I’ve seen some of these things in action…

This was forwarded to me. I tweaked them a little and reposted here. It’s Friday night and I’m quite sure some of y’all will be partying hard tonight…just read these and remember. 🙂

12 ways to know we’ve had to much to drink:

1. We have absolutely no idea where our purse is or if we even brought one with us.
2. We believe that dancing with our arms flailing overhead and wiggling our “boo-tays” while yelling WHOOHOO is the sexiest dance move EVER.
3. We suddenly need to kick someone’s ass. Especially the big bitch with the big hair and the brass knuckles who gave our date the “come hither” stare. We also think we can kill that bitch without breaking a sweat.
4. During our last pee break, we notice that image in the mirror resembles a homeless hooker. We’re no longer the sex-pot goddesses we were when we left the house.
5. We burst into tears and start spouting our undying love to everyone in the bar.
6. Every time a new song is played, we jump up and down and exclaim, “Oh my God! It’s my favorite song, ever!”
7. We’ve found a deeper side to the geek sitting next to us.
8. We’ve suddenly taken up smoking and gotten really good at it. Look! A smoke ring!
9. We yell at the bartender for cheating us by just giving us lemonade. Sadly, it’s that we can no longer taste the gin.
10. We think we’re in bed, but our pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor.
11. We fail to notice the toilet lid is down when we sit on it.
12. We take our shoes off because it’s their damn fault we’re having problems walking.

Familiar Faces
I used to take the youngest to school in the mornings. After I dropped him off, I would take a right and head to work…and almost every morning I would see the same lady out on her daily run/walk.

She became so familiar to me that I felt like we were friends–it didn’t matter that I didn’t know her name. I still knew her.

She was a heavy woman. The first morning I saw her, I wondered to myself how long she would keep it up. How many times had I started the same health routine only to give up a week or so later?

The second week, I found myself admiring her for her persistance.

The second month, I noticed a gradual change in her. She’d quickened her pace slightly. Her body shape had changed.

A few months later, she was running. Not a fast run–but it was definitely not walk.

By the end of the school year, she had lost quite a bit of weight and she was running with a little white dog. (though, she really needed a better bra to be running…those babies were having a party as she jogged)

Summer came, and I began to miss seeing her because I didn’t have to go that route to work. She had really become an inspriation to me–even though I hadn’t gotten off the couch yet.

I saw her in Wal-Mart the other day. She looks great. (she still needs a better bra…LOL) I bet she’s lost 80 lbs.

As many of you know, I started my health quest in January. I’ve been doing a pretty steady job of exercising 4-5 times a week and walking at night after work.

During my walks now, I’m starting to recognize the same cars. Folks I don’t know are waving at me because I am becoming familiar to them. Kind of weird the way life circles around sometimes.

Licking Nipples

I know, y’all want to know about the nipples part of this post.

Perverts.

Speaking of perverted, I got a call from my youngest (8 year old) son’s assistant Principal today.
AP: Mrs. Francis?

Me: Yes?

AP: Your son announced in class today that he can lick his nipples.

Me: cough, sputter, giggle Really? Hmmm. I’m sorry, why are you calling about this?

A.P: trying to stifle a laugh and doing a poor job of it. Because his art teacher has heard him mention nipples before and is tired of it. So she wrote him up.

Me: snicker I’m sorry. This isn’t funny–well, yes it is. I’ll tell him it’s inappropriate to talk about nipples in class. He didn’t demonstrate did he?

AP: laughing now. No ma’am. But the art teacher says that he has to stop talking like this because it’s so inappropriate.

Me: He only does it because it’s getting under her skin.

AP: I’ll just let the teacher know we’ve talked, Okay?

Me: Yup. Sounds great.

This child is going to be my biggest pain in the ass Challenge.

BTW–I’m pretty sure he got the licking nipples thing from The Family Guy. Ooops.

Another post about American Idol. A real post will come later…promise

Heh.

Pickle girl finally got voted out.

If the voting continues as it should,Taylor is next. (Sorry, Taylor you’re a nice guy and all, but you’re outta your league)

I think the top three are Elliot, Kat, and Chris. (not in that order) I think Paris has a beautiful voice but her youth is working against her.

The next few weeks should be very interesting.

Another post about American Idol. A real post will come later…promise

Heh.

Pickle girl finally got voted out.

If the voting continues as it should,Taylor is next. (Sorry, Taylor you’re a nice guy and all, but you’re outta your league)

I think the top three are Elliot, Kat, and Chris. (not in that order) I think Paris has a beautiful voice but her youth is working against her.

The next few weeks should be very interesting.

Okay, so I’m watching Idol tonight.

I personally thougth Kat rocked. She blew me away. (and she looked like sex-on-a-stick) Generally, I agree with Simon, but tonight, his common sense had left the building.

And, okay, Elliot sounded great (even though he bores me a little) but to see Paula acting all “I need a tissue” over him was ridiculous.

STFU, Paula. Lay off the Xanax. Double up on the Prozac. Whatever. Just STFU.

Okay. I’ll be back after dumbass is finished singing.

Kellie Pickler sux.

Nuff said.

I don’t even care what the idiot judges say. She sux. She deserves to go. She should’ve gone a long time before Mandisa. But whatever. Say bye-bye, dumbass. Tonight is our fond farewell.

Hm. We’re at a commercial now. Be back in a second.

Paris can sing. I can’t believe she’s so young. She has a beeeyooootiful voice and it doesn’t matter that I don’t like the song she sang. She still sang it well. Very well.

Taylor is next. I’m not necessarily on the Taylor bandwagon. I like him, but he’s like a comfortable bar performer. He’s got a great personality and I’d definitely pay $5 to see him at the local pub. We’ll see if he “moves me” to wanting to pay for an album tonight.

I highly doubt it.

Okay, I’ve listened to half of Taylor’s performance. All I have to say is, he’s in the bottom three. He completely screwed one of my favorite make-out songs from high school. It was bland and boring.

Oh. My. God.

I think I’m having an instant orgasm.

Chris is singing Have You Ever Loved a Woman.

This is one of my favorite songs in the world. And since he’s hot, it’s even better.

Shit. I just swooned.