So, I was “coaching” my youngest son’s soccer team last night. And by “coaching” I mean I was standing in front of the bench yelling “Follow your kicks! Attack the ball! What are you waiting on, an invitation?” Yes, I’m a helluva coach.

In my defense, I did refuse to coach anymore because it’s getting to the point where you have know the rules. And I don’t know diddly about soccer. I should. I’ve been married to a soccer player for almost 13 years now. But no. The soccer rules and I have not become one in the universe. But, I’m coaching because my husband signed up to coach both boys. Which would be fantastic if the boys didn’t play at the same time. And since they have been playing at the same time, I’ve been “choosing” the lesser of two evils by coaching the 8 year olds. And by “choosing” I mean, not having a choice at all.

Where was I? Oh yes. “Coaching” soccer.

My son, Rader, is very determined and competitive. Soccer is a team sport and we (I say we because if I HAVE to coach the games, I should get some credit) try very hard to make the kids understand that. But last night, the kids didn’t get anything. It was more like kickball than soccer. Herding snails would’ve been easier.

Rader decided he was Superman Soccer last night and took it upon himself to win the game. Forget the team. He didn’t need no stinkin’ team. He was Rader the Fearless. He could do it. And he did score our only two goals. (we’re not going to mention how many goals the other guys scored) But he also managed to wind up bashed around quite a bit. He took one hit to the nards that had him sitting for a while. I thought for sure he’d be talking in a higher octave for a day or two.

“Rader, what’s the deal? Have you forgotten you have 3 other teammates out there? They can help you if you let them.”

He sighed and did a semi-roll of the eyes. “Mom. It’s obvious they don’t want it bad enough. Besides, you can only help those who help themselves.”

Can’t argue with that logic, I guess.

So, I was “coaching” my youngest son’s soccer team last night. And by “coaching” I mean I was standing in front of the bench yelling “Follow your kicks! Attack the ball! What are you waiting on, an invitation?” Yes, I’m a helluva coach.

In my defense, I did refuse to coach anymore because it’s getting to the point where you have know the rules. And I don’t know diddly about soccer. I should. I’ve been married to a soccer player for almost 13 years now. But no. The soccer rules and I have not become one in the universe. But, I’m coaching because my husband signed up to coach both boys. Which would be fantastic if the boys didn’t play at the same time. And since they have been playing at the same time, I’ve been “choosing” the lesser of two evils by coaching the 8 year olds. And by “choosing” I mean, not having a choice at all.

Where was I? Oh yes. “Coaching” soccer.

My son, Rader, is very determined and competitive. Soccer is a team sport and we (I say we because if I HAVE to coach the games, I should get some credit) try very hard to make the kids understand that. But last night, the kids didn’t get anything. It was more like kickball than soccer. Herding snails would’ve been easier.

Rader decided he was Superman Soccer last night and took it upon himself to win the game. Forget the team. He didn’t need no stinkin’ team. He was Rader the Fearless. He could do it. And he did score our only two goals. (we’re not going to mention how many goals the other guys scored) But he also managed to wind up bashed around quite a bit. He took one hit to the nards that had him sitting for a while. I thought for sure he’d be talking in a higher octave for a day or two.

“Rader, what’s the deal? Have you forgotten you have 3 other teammates out there? They can help you if you let them.”

He sighed and did a semi-roll of the eyes. “Mom. It’s obvious they don’t want it bad enough. Besides, you can only help those who help themselves.”

Can’t argue with that logic, I guess.

Did I say “dud”? Oh, I’m sorry, I meant “bud”.

Oh, who am I kidding, I meant dud.

Dr. Dud, that is. He’s a sweet guy and probably will make the most fantastic husband, but honey, he truly made for boring TV.

And so, to compliment his boring TV personality, he picked June Cleaver (aka Sarah from TN) to be his best girl. They can hold hands now and maybe kiss open mouthed when nobody’s looking. He even gave her his ring to wear around her neck. Isn’t that swell?

Probably, she was the best, most stable choice for him. All wise and knowing Maria and I have had this conversation several times. We knew he’d pick June to be his best girl in the end, but I so hoped he’d pick Moana. They had chemistry and passion. I really don’t see it between Dud and June, but I’m sure it’s there. Somewhere. Maybe it got caught in the crack between the twin beds when they pushed them together to play patty fingers.

Surely this momma’s boy wouldn’t go against his heart (or groin) and pick the safe girl based on what his parents’ thought?

*gasp!*

And what will June think when she sees tonight’s show and watch Dr. Dud’s nieces say, “I like Moana the best. I think he should choose her.”

Oh well. I found myself 2nd guessing who he would choose during the show. Great editing job, ABC. You almost had me convinced that a man like Travis would choose a girl like Moana.

Now, bring me a bad boy Bachelor again. How I long for the exciting days of Bob. Or as Maria the wonder brain calls him, “Blob”.

Did I say “dud”? Oh, I’m sorry, I meant “bud”.

Oh, who am I kidding, I meant dud.

Dr. Dud, that is. He’s a sweet guy and probably will make the most fantastic husband, but honey, he truly made for boring TV.

And so, to compliment his boring TV personality, he picked June Cleaver (aka Sarah from TN) to be his best girl. They can hold hands now and maybe kiss open mouthed when nobody’s looking. He even gave her his ring to wear around her neck. Isn’t that swell?

Probably, she was the best, most stable choice for him. All wise and knowing Maria and I have had this conversation several times. We knew he’d pick June to be his best girl in the end, but I so hoped he’d pick Moana. They had chemistry and passion. I really don’t see it between Dud and June, but I’m sure it’s there. Somewhere. Maybe it got caught in the crack between the twin beds when they pushed them together to play patty fingers.

Surely this momma’s boy wouldn’t go against his heart (or groin) and pick the safe girl based on what his parents’ thought?

*gasp!*

And what will June think when she sees tonight’s show and watch Dr. Dud’s nieces say, “I like Moana the best. I think he should choose her.”

Oh well. I found myself 2nd guessing who he would choose during the show. Great editing job, ABC. You almost had me convinced that a man like Travis would choose a girl like Moana.

Now, bring me a bad boy Bachelor again. How I long for the exciting days of Bob. Or as Maria the wonder brain calls him, “Blob”.

From: It’s Been Awhile by Staind.

And it’s been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it’s been awhile
Since I said I’m sorry
And it’s been awhile
Since I’ve seen the way the candles light your face
And it’s been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can’t remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it’s me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

English to German; German to French; French back to English they translated to this:

And it is been one moment,
since I could precisely consider to me
and am been one moment,
since I said that I am been sad
and that it is been one moment,
since me the manner the candles saw, your face to light
and him one moment am been,
me manner me of recalling can
however calmly precisely that you goûtezet
with very that I cannot point out me,
as gebumst knows in top you,
while all it can seem of is me
that I am not to it me
this one on my father to show can,
better did it to him,
him for me could

This is one of my favorite songs and I never would’ve recognized it myself. Very cool.

From: It’s Been Awhile by Staind.

And it’s been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it’s been awhile
Since I said I’m sorry
And it’s been awhile
Since I’ve seen the way the candles light your face
And it’s been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can’t remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it’s me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

English to German; German to French; French back to English they translated to this:

And it is been one moment,
since I could precisely consider to me
and am been one moment,
since I said that I am been sad
and that it is been one moment,
since me the manner the candles saw, your face to light
and him one moment am been,
me manner me of recalling can
however calmly precisely that you goûtezet
with very that I cannot point out me,
as gebumst knows in top you,
while all it can seem of is me
that I am not to it me
this one on my father to show can,
better did it to him,
him for me could

This is one of my favorite songs and I never would’ve recognized it myself. Very cool.

Thanks to Kait via Lynn for a great idea. Messed up tunes.

The rules:

Take the lyrics to a favorite song.

Go to Babelfish, translate the lyrics into German, then from German to French, and finally from French back into English.

Post the results verbatim.

Invite friends to guess the song based on the interesting new lyrics. So, guys? What is it?

And it is been one moment,
since I could precisely consider to me
and am been one moment,
since I said that I am been sad
and that it is been one moment,
since me the manner the candles saw, your face to light
and him one moment am been,
me manner me of recalling can
however calmly precisely that you goûtezet
with very that I cannot point out me,
as gebumst knows in top you,
while all it can seem of is me
that I am not to it me
this one on my father to show can,
better did it to him,
him for me could

Thanks to Kait via Lynn for a great idea. Messed up tunes.

The rules:

Take the lyrics to a favorite song.

Go to Babelfish, translate the lyrics into German, then from German to French, and finally from French back into English.

Post the results verbatim.

Invite friends to guess the song based on the interesting new lyrics. So, guys? What is it?

And it is been one moment,
since I could precisely consider to me
and am been one moment,
since I said that I am been sad
and that it is been one moment,
since me the manner the candles saw, your face to light
and him one moment am been,
me manner me of recalling can
however calmly precisely that you goûtezet
with very that I cannot point out me,
as gebumst knows in top you,
while all it can seem of is me
that I am not to it me
this one on my father to show can,
better did it to him,
him for me could

Dear Guy in my office,

I am sending you this link because it expresses my sentiments exactly. Please watch the video with the sound on and take my concerns under consideration.

Sincerely,

Me

Dear Guy in my office,

I am sending you this link because it expresses my sentiments exactly. Please watch the video with the sound on and take my concerns under consideration.

Sincerely,

Me