Humph.

Okay, the lovely Miss Robin Miller tagged me. So now I gotta play nice.

I don’t like to play nice. (Well, I do, but I’m trying to act annoyed so work with me here.)

I need to list 15 facts and personal preferences (quirks, habits, whatever) about books. FIFTEEN? See, Miss Robin Miller cheated by listing the same thing over and over again.

What a novel idea. (pun intended)

1. I love books.
2. I love bookstores.
3. I’ve never skipped to the back to read the ending first.
4. I have skipped to the first love scene before I bought a book.
5. I always read the first page before I buy a book.
6. I hate clinch covers. Abhor them even. The women either look worn out or constipated and the men look like plastic tranny dolls.
7. My first love in romance was Historicals. (specifically, medievals) (suck on that, miss-i-hate-historicals) 🙂
8. I hate being disappointed with a book. I feel robbed if I read a book that doesn’t capture me and draw me in and make me not care about the characters.
9. I spit on whiney heroines. And if they’re TSTL (too stupid too live)–I spit on them twice.
10. I hate wimpy heroes more. Why would I want to read a book about a man who can’t make a decision? Why would I care about some poor dufus that would rather hide than clear his name?
11. Worse than clinch covers are many of the computer-generated covers for e-books. I’d rather eat toenails than have a bad cover like some of those featured at Smart Bitches. Now if all e-covers were like my friends’ Kate Pearce and Sylvia Day, well, then we’d be in business.
12. I hate literary snobs who snub the world of romance because it’s popular. Good lord. That’s just as bad as not liking someone because everyone else seems to like them. Could it be possible that romance is popular because, hmmm, I don’t know, maybe, IT’S A GOOD READ? Sure, I’ve read some bad romance. But I’ve read some bad Lit Fic, too.
13. I love it when a book makes me want to read it again. When I dream about the characters. When I can’t wait to get home to read. I want to write that book for someone one day.
14. I love the feel of a brand new book. Hardcover, paperback, comic book, (excuse, I mean “graphic novel”)whatever book you give me. I love taking out of the bag and cracking the spine for the first time.
15. I love books.

Okay, my turn to pass it on. I’m going to tag 3 people I’ve never tagged before to see if they’re paying attention.

Ellen P., Pamela H., and Lucy S. It’s your turn! Let’s see who plays.

You Are Sawyer. You’re a realist, not an idealist.
Sarcasm, wit, and leers run rampant whenever
you are around. Whether it’s making a racist
remark or shooting a polar bear, you’re sure to
leave a lasting impression on those around you.
Add a cigarette and some beard stubble, and the
formula for redneck charm is complete.

Which Lost Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Okay, everything is true except for the racist remark. I might be a total bitch to someone, but I’m not a racist. 🙂 And I don’t have beard stubble. And I only smoke when I drink.

Hmm. Can’t I be Kate?

You Are Sawyer. You’re a realist, not an idealist.
Sarcasm, wit, and leers run rampant whenever
you are around. Whether it’s making a racist
remark or shooting a polar bear, you’re sure to
leave a lasting impression on those around you.
Add a cigarette and some beard stubble, and the
formula for redneck charm is complete.

Which Lost Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Okay, everything is true except for the racist remark. I might be a total bitch to someone, but I’m not a racist. 🙂 And I don’t have beard stubble. And I only smoke when I drink.

Hmm. Can’t I be Kate?

Okay, you know I love this show. I’m totally addicted. Completely.

Has anyone else noticed that a key thread that ties the crash survivors together is daddy issues.

Locke: stalked daddy who abandoned him
Jack: had problems with alcoholic daddy
Sawyer: whoa–talk about issues
Sun: Controlling Daddy
Jin: Married into Sun’s family so he adopted daddy issues
Shannon: her daddy married the stepbitch from hell
Walt/Michael: Um, hello!
and now
Cate.

Hmmm.

I almost don’t want to know all of the tail end survivor stories. Sheesh.

And is it just me, or is Jin a freaking hot?

And what did you guys think of that ending???

Okay, you know I love this show. I’m totally addicted. Completely.

Has anyone else noticed that a key thread that ties the crash survivors together is daddy issues.

Locke: stalked daddy who abandoned him
Jack: had problems with alcoholic daddy
Sawyer: whoa–talk about issues
Sun: Controlling Daddy
Jin: Married into Sun’s family so he adopted daddy issues
Shannon: her daddy married the stepbitch from hell
Walt/Michael: Um, hello!
and now
Cate.

Hmmm.

I almost don’t want to know all of the tail end survivor stories. Sheesh.

And is it just me, or is Jin a freaking hot?

And what did you guys think of that ending???

Rejections are a part of the writing business and we all know that.

Rarely does someone submit their first manuscript and have it purchased in an auction or a pre-empt moments after submission.

I’m sure that has happened to someone, somewhere in a parallel galaxy, but honestly that’s just not how it works.

So, we writers prepare ourselves for rejection. We tell ourselves it’s a part of the game and we even begin to look forward to the day we start getting “good” rejections instead of the form, “thanks but no thanks” crap.

We believe that “good” rejections do exist. We have to…that faith helps us move forward. And the reality is, there are good rejections. I just never truly believed until today.

Yes, today I received a “good” rejection.

My lovely and brilliant agent called it a “glowing” rejection. I think I like that better. “Glowing” Mel. (and not like nuclear waste, thank you very much)

The editor liked my voice a “great deal”. She followed that with “Mel has a wonderfully charming voice.”

Standing alone, that sounds fabulous. I wish the sentence would’ve actually read “Mel has a wonderfully charming voice and I want to buy it for ONE MILLION DOLLARS!” (sorry, had to get my Dr. Evil in there…) But, she didn’t.

I’ve reread the email several times and have to say, this is a positive rejection. There’s a rumor in the writing world that we tend to cling to and that is that once the “good” (or glowing) rejections start coming in, that an offer isn’t far behind.

Here’s to believing.

I’ll admit it stung a bit when I read the email. I’ll also admit that even though I’ve expected rejections, that I always had this fantasy where I would be the .0000000000001% of the writers who sold at auction just moments after my agent submitted.

I know that my book wasn’t right for this editor. If it was, she would’ve bought it. And somehow, knowing that helps just a little. I know my agent will sell this book. I know that because she is brilliant and I am brilliant and together, that makes us brilliance squared. There’s no way that the publishing world can ignore brilliance squared for long.

It’s just not possible.

Rejections are a part of the writing business and we all know that.

Rarely does someone submit their first manuscript and have it purchased in an auction or a pre-empt moments after submission.

I’m sure that has happened to someone, somewhere in a parallel galaxy, but honestly that’s just not how it works.

So, we writers prepare ourselves for rejection. We tell ourselves it’s a part of the game and we even begin to look forward to the day we start getting “good” rejections instead of the form, “thanks but no thanks” crap.

We believe that “good” rejections do exist. We have to…that faith helps us move forward. And the reality is, there are good rejections. I just never truly believed until today.

Yes, today I received a “good” rejection.

My lovely and brilliant agent called it a “glowing” rejection. I think I like that better. “Glowing” Mel. (and not like nuclear waste, thank you very much)

The editor liked my voice a “great deal”. She followed that with “Mel has a wonderfully charming voice.”

Standing alone, that sounds fabulous. I wish the sentence would’ve actually read “Mel has a wonderfully charming voice and I want to buy it for ONE MILLION DOLLARS!” (sorry, had to get my Dr. Evil in there…) But, she didn’t.

I’ve reread the email several times and have to say, this is a positive rejection. There’s a rumor in the writing world that we tend to cling to and that is that once the “good” (or glowing) rejections start coming in, that an offer isn’t far behind.

Here’s to believing.

I’ll admit it stung a bit when I read the email. I’ll also admit that even though I’ve expected rejections, that I always had this fantasy where I would be the .0000000000001% of the writers who sold at auction just moments after my agent submitted.

I know that my book wasn’t right for this editor. If it was, she would’ve bought it. And somehow, knowing that helps just a little. I know my agent will sell this book. I know that because she is brilliant and I am brilliant and together, that makes us brilliance squared. There’s no way that the publishing world can ignore brilliance squared for long.

It’s just not possible.

Yes, we’ll miss you. You were one of the best players Survivor has ever seen.

But I have to give Dudd his props. He’s much more in control than I thought he was. Wow. Who’d-a-thunk-it?

Goodbye Gary. You were a helluva player. I hope Survivor will survive without you.

Good luck, Rafe. Kick Ass.

(can Mormons be gay? Rafe said he was a gay mormon on tonight’s show and I thougth that maybe I heard wrong…anyone want to correct me?)

Yes, we’ll miss you. You were one of the best players Survivor has ever seen.

But I have to give Dudd his props. He’s much more in control than I thought he was. Wow. Who’d-a-thunk-it?

Goodbye Gary. You were a helluva player. I hope Survivor will survive without you.

Good luck, Rafe. Kick Ass.

(can Mormons be gay? Rafe said he was a gay mormon on tonight’s show and I thougth that maybe I heard wrong…anyone want to correct me?)

If you laughed at the Vin Diesel list, be prepared to laugh some more….

—————————–
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has missed two.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face andtook his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he’s Chuck Norris.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O’Brien’s lever that shows clips from “Walker: Texas Ranger” and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan’s wife.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn’t give him exact change.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours If you’re thinking to yourself, “That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity.”, then you are dead wrong.

Hellen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn’t a racist.