I know, I abandoned you guys again. Sorry.

Work was busy last week, then I went home to meet with some former high school classmates to help plan our 20 year reunion. Yes, 20 years. Shut up.

Never fear though. I have returned with a story.

Tonight was the first of our weekly travels to Tupelo for Ian’s soccer team. Not a bad drive–about 40 minutes away. We’re carpooling and since we have a Mom-mobile, we took a couple of extra kids with us.

After we had our asses handed to us by a much more skilled team we piled back into the Mom-mobile and headed home. We couldn’t have been in the vehicle for more than a minute before the most disgusting smell took us over. I literally gagged. The boys all began to moan and groan and bitch and yell and finally one of them owned it.

“And I got another one brewing.”

Jeeeeeezus.

Now, I am the mother of two boys and the wife to one. I know what farts smell like. I’ve smelled some bad ones. But never, ever, in my life have I smelled something this bad coming out of a live person.

He must’ve eaten a dozen boiled eggs and chased them with a pint of kerosene.

We spent much of the drive home with the windows down. Not fun–but still better than the disgusting fume exiting out of the anus from hell.

What the frick is wrong with the male species? Teenage girls (and full grown women) would rather eat a light bulb than fart in public. And if a girl had ever popped an air biscuit that could be used in biological warfare–she would’ve switched schools to avoid the gossip. And if one had slipped through the crack (haha) and someone else took the blame, she’d be totally okay with that.

But boys? No. They claim the anus-fume proudly. It’s just not right.

(I’m telling ya, this boy would’ve wiped out a couple of villages with the passing one biscuit.)

No, not the Prince song…I’m talking books.

There’s a wonderful interview with Lauren Baratz-Logsted posted on LitPark. Go forth and read.

Sorry I haven’t been around much, it’s a busy week at work. I’ll post more later.

No, not the Prince song…I’m talking books.

There’s a wonderful interview with Lauren Baratz-Logsted posted on LitPark. Go forth and read.

Sorry I haven’t been around much, it’s a busy week at work. I’ll post more later.

Okay, first of all, I’m not a fan of award shows. I love movies and music and fashion, but I could care less about the actual show. I know, I’m a heathen. Shoot me.

Anyway, we flipped the channel just in time to see The Police reunite. Holy shit. I think I peed a little. I don’t care how old Sting is…he’s freaking hot. I mean, uber hot. He’s the kinda hot that makes hot seem cold.

He’s so hot he’s HAWT.

And he can sing, too.

Then we flipped back to Extreme Home Makeover. Now, I like this show, but c’mon, they need to quit hitting us over the head with how much the deserving family deserves the house. Ty talks in his “serious” voice and I roll my eyes. Sorry, I’m a bitch like that. I get that this is serious, but honestly, I get the picture. Just build the house. That’s what we all really wanna see.

Anyway, Ty put on his serious voice, so we flipped back to the Grammy’s. And just in time to see The Dixie Chicks perform. Now, I love these women. The song kicked ass and they all looked awesome.

And somebody ought to be nicer to Stevie Wonder. I’m happy he won a Grammy, but his coat was ugly as sin. His stylist ought to be shot. He’s blind, for God’s sake. He can’t tell you “No, that’s ugly as shit.” I guess his stylist must be blind, too.

Then we flipped back to EHM only to find out that my man Ed was injured. Sorry I missed it Ed, I wouldn’t have, but Ty had a bad case of serious voice this show and we couldn’t stomach it. The thing we love about Ed is that he reminds us of our Brummie Boy. He says things like “brover” for “brother” and “wif” instead of “with” and it makes us miss Simon.

Now I’m watching Justin Timberlake, who I have admitted, I would rob the cradle for. But this is probably it for the night.

Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters here I come…

Okay, first of all, I’m not a fan of award shows. I love movies and music and fashion, but I could care less about the actual show. I know, I’m a heathen. Shoot me.

Anyway, we flipped the channel just in time to see The Police reunite. Holy shit. I think I peed a little. I don’t care how old Sting is…he’s freaking hot. I mean, uber hot. He’s the kinda hot that makes hot seem cold.

He’s so hot he’s HAWT.

And he can sing, too.

Then we flipped back to Extreme Home Makeover. Now, I like this show, but c’mon, they need to quit hitting us over the head with how much the deserving family deserves the house. Ty talks in his “serious” voice and I roll my eyes. Sorry, I’m a bitch like that. I get that this is serious, but honestly, I get the picture. Just build the house. That’s what we all really wanna see.

Anyway, Ty put on his serious voice, so we flipped back to the Grammy’s. And just in time to see The Dixie Chicks perform. Now, I love these women. The song kicked ass and they all looked awesome.

And somebody ought to be nicer to Stevie Wonder. I’m happy he won a Grammy, but his coat was ugly as sin. His stylist ought to be shot. He’s blind, for God’s sake. He can’t tell you “No, that’s ugly as shit.” I guess his stylist must be blind, too.

Then we flipped back to EHM only to find out that my man Ed was injured. Sorry I missed it Ed, I wouldn’t have, but Ty had a bad case of serious voice this show and we couldn’t stomach it. The thing we love about Ed is that he reminds us of our Brummie Boy. He says things like “brover” for “brother” and “wif” instead of “with” and it makes us miss Simon.

Now I’m watching Justin Timberlake, who I have admitted, I would rob the cradle for. But this is probably it for the night.

Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters here I come…

Don’t be hatin’ on my color pink, y’all. If I do decide to use my superpower for evil, you’ll be the first on my list.

You know who you are….

In other news, we’re taking the younglings to see Norbit today. I’m in the mood for stupid funny. Should be a good time. Has to be better than that foul (fowl) Crappy Feet movie. I’m still bitter from my experience.

Don’t be hatin’ on my color pink, y’all. If I do decide to use my superpower for evil, you’ll be the first on my list.

You know who you are….

In other news, we’re taking the younglings to see Norbit today. I’m in the mood for stupid funny. Should be a good time. Has to be better than that foul (fowl) Crappy Feet movie. I’m still bitter from my experience.

First of all, I have no superteam or sidekick. Even The Tick and the Ambiguously Gay Duo had sidekicks. I’ve put calls into my favorite superteams but so far, I’m being snubbed.

Here’s a list of people I’ve called to inquire about an open position.

1. Team America
2. The Tick
3. Reno 911
4. Scooby Doo
5. The Incredibles

Surprisingly, the response I’m getting is lukewarm. I mean, honestly, these teams could use a little help, if you ask me.

I guess I need to work on channeling my superpower before I seriously seek out a team. But if I cannot form a team of my own and they continue to thwart me, I will be forced to use my power for evil.

Secondly, I’ve found myself coveting the powers of others. I spent yesterday daydreaming about the powers I could have. Such as regeneration, x-ray vision, invisibility, shapeshifting, having the power of bologna smell and the ability to throw my foot. Maybe I can’t be a good superhero if I’m constantly wishing for more.

Can a superhero covet?

I think it’s obvious I’m on the road to the darkside. Can an evil superhero still wear pink?

First of all, I have no superteam or sidekick. Even The Tick and the Ambiguously Gay Duo had sidekicks. I’ve put calls into my favorite superteams but so far, I’m being snubbed.

Here’s a list of people I’ve called to inquire about an open position.

1. Team America
2. The Tick
3. Reno 911
4. Scooby Doo
5. The Incredibles

Surprisingly, the response I’m getting is lukewarm. I mean, honestly, these teams could use a little help, if you ask me.

I guess I need to work on channeling my superpower before I seriously seek out a team. But if I cannot form a team of my own and they continue to thwart me, I will be forced to use my power for evil.

Secondly, I’ve found myself coveting the powers of others. I spent yesterday daydreaming about the powers I could have. Such as regeneration, x-ray vision, invisibility, shapeshifting, having the power of bologna smell and the ability to throw my foot. Maybe I can’t be a good superhero if I’m constantly wishing for more.

Can a superhero covet?

I think it’s obvious I’m on the road to the darkside. Can an evil superhero still wear pink?