Thanks to Miss Snark for posting the link to the Vin Diesel List. I nearly peed my pants. Apparently this stems from a Vin Diesel Random Fact generator. There were only 29 on the list I read, but I’ve found others and added them.

The Very Best of Vin Diesel

1.Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

2.Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

3.There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

4.If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: “I End Lives.”

5.There is no “I” in team. There are two “I”s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

6.When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

7.In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

8.Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where’s Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, “This is BULLSHIT!” They’re all wearing shoes.” He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, “IF I CAN’T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!” The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

9.Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

10.Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his “Filet of Child” sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

11.Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

12.Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

13.Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

14.When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

15.Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi’s Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children’s hospital.

16.If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy’s. When asked why he doesn’t do this Vin replied “Because Grammy’s are for queers.” then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

17.It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

18.Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

19.Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose’s shit.

20.When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, “Holy crap! That’s Vin Diesel!” Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

21.On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

22.You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel’s diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

23.In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

24.Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North – they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, “Jackets are for pussies!” at the Acrtic researchers.

25.Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

26.Not only was Vin Diesel the first to shoot a baby out of a cannon, he was the first to eat a high velocity baby shot out of a cannon.

27.When Vin Diesel runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

28.Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown’s hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he’d come back to eat him.

29.When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

30. Vin Diesel created fire.

31. Vin Diesel doesn’t need special glasses to watch a 3-D movie.

32. To attain inner peace, Vin Diesel eats Buddhists.

33. Vin Diesel kills Dumbledore in Harry Potter 6 because he was bored.

34. Vin Diesel created Duct Tape to keep the universe from collapsing when he breathes.

35. Crop circles are Vin’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.