I need some good news. I need a joke. I need a laugh. I need something.
I’ll tell you why…Since January 1 I have been working my butt off by exercising and eating right. I am trying to regain control of my life and I want to get healthy.
The first month was great…I missed 1 week of working out in January, but still managed to lose 11 lbs and 22 inches. (sounds like a lot of inches, but really, it’s all over, and not that noticable)
February I missed 6 days of working out. The rest of the time I was faithful. I’ve been eating my five small meals a day. Getting in more veggies and fruits than ever…and I only lost 2 lbs.
-13 total.
Okay, I can live with that. Sure, I expected more…I thought I’d at least be at -15 if not a little more than that…but -13 is good. Especially since the six days I didn’t work out I also wasn’t very careful of what I ate.
I’m trying very hard not to be down on myself. I’ve made myself into an exercise machine. Since last Monday, I’ve worked out every day except for 1. I’m doing cardio and toning classes. I’m doing everything right. I’m eating right. EVERYTHING.
SO WHY THE FUCK CAN’T I LOSE ANOTHER OUNCE?
I actually gained a pound. Who does that? Who gains weight when eating right and exercising?
Melissa Francis. That’s who.
I know muscle weighs more than fat and I know that chances are, I’ve put on some muscle mass. I KNOW this. Yet, I can’t help but be pissed off at the whole damn thing. Why am I torturing myself if it’s not working?
So, I need some good news. I need you guys to tell me what is good in your life so I won’t sit and wallow in my pity party. I’m not a wallower. I don’t like this. It’s up to you…make me laugh. Tell me a joke. Share your great news with me.
Something.
Anything.
Don’t let me wallow anymore.
*grumble grumble*
Bitchin' Fiction: Musings by author Melissa McKenzie / Melissa Francis 
Let’s see…..
Girl graduated from speech therapy.
Boy is off to play in the pep band for his high school bball teams.
Does fitting into smaller pants qualify as good news?
It’s not snowing. Nor raining. 😀
Good luck, Mel. I know how hard and frustrating it can be.
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All great tidbits, K. Especially the fitting into smaller pants! I’m proud of you! I know exactly how hard that accomplishment is.
Excellent.
Keep ’em coming y’all. I just got back from the gym where the exer-nazi had fun turning our 8-minute abs into 12-minute abs.
And my arms feel like noodles.
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It’s a hard process, Mel, but if you stick to it, you’ll see the results you want. Oftimes losing weight takes a circuitous path, i.e. one step forward then two back followed by a plateau then 4 steps forward.
You’ll get there 🙂
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Thanks, Bonnie.
I really am trying. It’s just hard to stay motivated when most of my motivation is the weight loss. If I’m not losing, how on earth do I stay motivated?
Vicious cycle.
That’s okay. I think I’m ready to pour out the rest of my “wah” and move on. LOL
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I know it’s hard Mel. Hang in there. You’re doing great. I’ve been so much on a yo-yo that I’m sick too.
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Hang in there, Mel! Plateaus suck. But do your clothes fit any looser?
Good news….
I went all geek on my parents about my cubed birthday, so they sent me a birthday card in Spanish. Now, not a one of us in my family can read spanish, but they sent it anyway because it’s funny to send a card in Spanish, right? Until we realized the translation was on the back. Whaddya know? The card says I’m like a daughter to them, an honorary part of their family.
Well, maybe not good news, but I thought it was funny. Hope you did, too. 🙂
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LOL Jamie! That’s very funny. An honorary daughter? LOL
Thanks for the support, Tess. Obviously, I need it. LOL Yo-yoing for the past umpteen years has really hurt me. I will NOT let this thing beat me. Right?
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I’ve always heard that the first initial weight you lose is water weight. After that, you’re building muscle which actually adds mass (aka weight). You’ll be more toned but you might weigh the exact same amount (or more).
Good for you though!! Sticking to a program is so difficult!!
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It’s muscle. It’s gotta be. That’s Good news-as is the 13#! Congrats on that! 🙂
Amusing anecdote: can it be dirty? No, better not, public blog.
Hmm…Okay, I know. This is supposed to be the world’s funniest joke, as revealed by LaughLab research. Ready? Here it comes:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: “OK, now what?”
Har Har. Okay. What can I say–I didn’t vote for it. LOL.
Hang in there!
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Mel,
You’re really doing good and making good progress. Yes, it sucks when you hit a wall but it’s only temporary. If you recall, you gave me an encouraging “speech” about this very thing on Pam’s board.
And speaking of Pam, have you checked out her blog? VERY good news there. Check it out. 🙂
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Yikes! You don’t suppose that’s what happened with, er…nevermind. 🙂
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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment…
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their
stories.
Ashley said, “My father’s a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying
hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the
front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the
eggs went flying and broke and made a mess.”
“What’s the moral of the story?” asked the teacher.
“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!”
“Very good,” said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, “Our family are farmers
too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs
one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the
moral to this story is, “don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.”
“That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?”
“Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was
a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit. She had to bail
out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a
machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it
wouldn’t break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy
troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran
out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the
blade broke. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.”
Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “what kind of moral did
your daddy tell you from that horrible story?”
“Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she’s been drinking.”
Don’t give up, Mel!!! 13 pounds is nothing to sniff at. Congrats!
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the sex lives of both men and women improved substantially as the pounds melted away. keeps me motivated, and is certainly true. 🙂
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ROFLMAO!
Okay, people, keep the jokes coming!
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you guys know it’s all beer muscle, right? or wine muscle.
we must continue those 12oz curls!!!
and keep running baby. i look forward to the day we can RUN a 5k together… and not just meet up at the end-o-the-race.
the dog just farted. thought you should know.
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