Crossing the Moron line…

Pick any of these words: addle-pate, ass, blockhead, bonehead, boob, cretin, dimwit, dingbat, dolt, dope, dork, dumbbell, dumbo, dummy, dunce, dunderhead, fool, goose, halfwit, idiot, ignoramus, imbecile, lamebrain, loony, lunkhead, mental defective, muttonhead, nerd, numskull, retard, simp, simpleton, stoop, stupid, tomfool

They are all synonyms to moron and they all apply to my oldest son after last night’s escapade.

Frankly, I think he crossed the line from Moron to Dumbass…but that’s just me.

I know, some of you out there are gasping in shock. What a terrible mother. She called her twelve year old a dumbass! She doesn’t deserve her children! Lock her up and throw away the key.

Ah, quit your bitchin’. If you honestly feel that way, you’ve never been the mother to a twelve year old dumbass, er, boy.

Okay, back to my story. I had worked in the garden last night for several hours. Afterwards, I came inside, showered, made some dinner and vegged on the couch with the kids. We were watching one of my favorite old cartoons, The Tick.

My oldest, now known as Dumbass, thought it would be funny to antagonize his brother so he jumped up on the arm of the couch, intending to jump on his brother. Well, the dumbass gods were in charge last night and laughed at his attempted assault. Instead of going forward, gravity took over, and he fell back, off the arm of the couch, and landed smack on the bamboo flooring—on the top of his head.

He land with a sickening thud and let me tell you, it scared me to death.

I jumped up and pulled him off the floor. He was freaking out—you could see the shock on his face. (Oh how it sux when your plans backfire) He started screaming, “I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe!”

Me: Honey, hold your hands over your head.

DA: I can’t breathe!

Me: Baby, if you’re talking, you’re breathing. Now calm down.

That seemed to reassure him somewhat. I called a friend of ours who is an ER Nurse to make sure we knew what to look for in case of concussion. His pupils had dilated, but they were quick and reactive to light. A knot formed on top of his head the size of an egg. And his back and chest were hurting.

I woke him up twice last night to make sure he woke up quickly and could talk to me. He did.

This morning, he’s slow moving and sore.

I can’t describe how worried I was when I heard him hit the floor. The only way I can get through times like these is to laugh about them. Otherwise, I’d be a nervous wreck.

Anyway, the dumbass is okay and I’m thankful. Unfortunately, he’s only 12, so I’m sure this is just the beginning of his moronic adventures.

9 thoughts on “Crossing the Moron line…

  1. Ok, it must have been the day for moronic behavior or bitchy behavior. Oldest was being snotty toward Baby, and I verbally lashed out (not usual for me with the girls) and told her to stop acting like a bitch.Then last night, the new dogs got into the house and were racing around the rooms in a large circle. We’re trying to catch them, and they kept escaping. It was like a Marx Brothers moment. Oldest slipped on the wood flooring, got up saying. “I’m okay, I’m okay,” the dogs coming flying to the kitchen again, and down Oldest goes again. Gets up with the I’m okay refrain. The third time it happened I couldn’t help but almost die with laughter. Needless to say, she didn’t appreciate Mom laughing at her.Glad to hear DA is doing ok. I know how scary that must have been.{{{{{{{Mel}}}}}}}

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  2. Yikes. Glad he’s okay, Mel. I’m pretty sure that kids’ gray matter hasn’t completely formed yet (since we have similar dimwit incidents with our kids, as well).

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  3. Boys have hard heads…My two oldest once experimented to see how hard my youngest boys head was by using him as a battering ram…he left a large egg-shaped dent in the wall but was fine.I’m empathizing Mel!

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  4. I was a wild-child and put my mother through heck with many gashes and bumps on the head. Some folks even say I’m normal. My son wasn’t like me (he’s 20 now) and a good thing because his mother couldn’t take it like my mother did. -JTCP.S. Trust me. The best (worst) is yet to come.

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  5. It’s okay, my child passed the line when he was about 7 and Casey was 4 or 5. They were practicing T-ball and Connor decided to use Casey as the BALL with the ALUMINUM bat he found in the garage (still don’t know where that damned thing came from). That was horrible and yes I told my 7 yr old what a MORON he was.

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  6. Oh, Mel. I don’t know whether to laugh my ass off or cry in sympathy. I watched my boys jump things with their bikes, throw hatchets at tree stumps (and inadvertently at one another) and try those wonderful skateboard maneuvers you see on America’s Funniest Home Videos. It’s a wonder they made it to adulthood (able to reproduce).You will see more of the Dumbass behavior. I guarantee this. I feel for you. And I respect your ability to take it in stride. You’re a good mom.

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