I’ve spent the past month in a very contemplative mode. It’s strange, really. I’m a daydreamer, not a contemplater. Alas, something about this month is different and I’ve spent it in the depths of thought.

Don’t really like the depths of thought that much, but since I seem to be stuck there, what can I do?

I’m going to blame my state on the lack of exercise. Yeah. That’s it. Damned exercise. I hated it, but did it anyway for 6 months straight, took one month off, and started thinking.

Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

What have I been thinking about? My life. My kids. My writing. My past. Things I love. Things I hate. General shit you start thinking about in middle-age.

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention–Mark told me I’m middle-aged.

AS IF! I’m not even 40!

But boy, that gave me one more thing to think about.

Am I entering my “not-quite-mid-life” crisis? LOL I thought that meant I would buy a convertible and find me a hot, young lover. I didn’t think it meant I would just sit and think…

What have I discovered about myself during my contemplations?

Well, a bunch of stuff…

• I love to wake to the smell of coffee but I’m too lazy to set the coffee pot the night before. Still haven’t figured out why…
• There’s not a better feeling in the world than being needed. I just don’t feel needed enough. Must make myself more necessary.
• My life would not be the same without my kids, yet sometimes I wonder… Okay, I wonder a lot, but only because right now they love to hate each other and it makes me NUTS.
• I don’t deserve my husband.
• I bond for life. In love and in friendship.
• I don’t do betrayal in any shape or form. Loyalty is important to me. As is honesty.
• I believe in love at first sight. In love and in friendship.
• Fate is real. So is karma.
• Karma has sharp teeth. Don’t fuck with her.
• I love the tang of sweat and the musky smell of an athlete.
• Life is for living and loving. People who waste their time in the world of negativity and blackness never really live and never really love.
• When I’m sad or lonely, a quick note or call from a friend works wonders on me.

I suppose I could go on and on about the stuff I’ve been thinking about, but really, it’s a bore. I hear y’all nodding off as you read. LOL

So, wake up! This thinking thing is getting old. Back to daydreaming for me…and in the meantime I’m going to start shopping for a convertible and looking for a hot, young lover*.

*proof that the daydreaming has already started