This morning, I was sleeping peacefully, trying to enjoy my dreams.
And I would’ve enjoyed them, except that they were dreams full of farts. Now, anyone who knows me, knows I have fart issues. I’m not a fan. Do I fart? Sure. Haven’t you seen the commercial on Nickelodeon? Everybody farts! Okay, who I’m I kidding, I’m sure you haven’t seen that commercial. But suffice it to say, it’s funny, and it lets you know that everybody farts.
But I don’t care how normal it is to fart…I still don’t like them. Fishdog says I have “ass” issues. Whatever.
Anyway, back to my fart dream…in my slumber, my damn kids keep farting. It’s a game with them, of course (as it is in real life) and the more irritated I get with them, the more they fart. Loud, juicy farts. In my dream, I keep thinking, “Well, at least they don’t smell.” Then I wonder why they don’t smell…but I digress.
Finally, I woke up about in the wee hours of the morning…and I’m still hearing the farts. COME ON! I’M AWAKE ALREADY. Then I wonder if maybe I’m still asleep. But no, I’m becoming more and more aware of my surroundings. So, why do I still hear the farting?
Because the “farts” are actually my dog’s “snores”.
Jesus. Say it with me JeeeeeeeeeeeeZuuuuuuuuuuuuuus.
Charlie is the most obnoxious snorer on earth. It’s ridiculous. And last night, his snoring sounded like obnoxious farts. No wonder they didn’t “smell”. LOL
Any of you have a snoring dog? Can you relate? Does his snoring enter your dreams as farting children? Or is that just me?
I really hate farts.
Bitchin' Fiction: Musings by author Melissa McKenzie / Melissa Francis 
OMG, Charlie is so cute. My husband tells me the reason I’m so “uptight” is because I don’t fart. Ha! I’m with you, Mel. I guess I have fart issues, too!
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LOL! I have a snoring cat. And he used to do the most noxious farts, until I changed his diet. But it’s ok, because I don’t have fart issues 🙂
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No dogs. Cats and a husband. And that’s enough, thank you.
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I have fart issues too! I request that my hubby leave the room for that stuff! Of course, he likes to blame them on our cat…
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I have the 109 lb. Lab that snores louder than my husband and that can stink anyone out of a house. Double whammy. Thankfully my husband is rare and no one has ever heard him fart, not his family, not his friends, not even me – his wife! Maybe mariageraci’s husband is onto something…it may explain why he’s so “uptight” HAHA!
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I have a 22 pound Cavalier king charles spaniel who farts and snores like a chain saw-I can’t believe such a lot of noise and such a stench comes out of such a cute adorable little doggy. He sleeps with my 13 yr old son at night-need I say more? Unfortunately my 4 year old daughter also thinks farting is funny-thanks to her 3 big brothers and her dad-sigh
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LOL! It’s so funny how his snores translated to farts in your dream. One of our dogs always wakes me up with his loud licking of his damn private parts. HATE THAT. Then I go back to sleep and dream he gets the big needle.
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Charlie is adorable… but he needs to sleep in another room 🙂
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Uhhh, as the lone guy commenting on this, so far, farting is the only thing I am good at. My future wife will probably leave me for it.
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You made my day, Mel.
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My Dad prides himself for his ‘SS’ aka silent suffocators. Mark can tell you about them on those long rides to school. The older he gets the worse it gets. I agree with your issues. However, we used to have a cat that would wake the dead with his farts, I mean clear a whole room at a time. His name was Sam.
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**giggle*I have a DH that does both, who needs a dog?????
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