an open letter

Dear Mother Nature,

I don’t ask for much. Seriously. I mean, I have daydreams about waking up one morning to discover I switched bodies with Beyonce overnight. I fantasize about winning the lotto and having a pool boy. But do I ask for these things?

Nay. I do not.

So, this morning when your minions were predicting 2 inches of snow, I experienced a little tingle of expectation. That tinge of excitement that can only be experienced by a southerner who loves snow.

Loves it, but doesn’t want to live in it.

We don’t get the white stuff often. I haven’t seen it around these parts in 2 years. Not even a hint of it. This morning, your minions said it was coming.

And like a good little southerner, I made sure I stopped by the liquor and grocery stores on my way home. Can’t get snowed in without milk, bread and bourbon. Don’t you know the rules? Apparently all of Oxford knows the rules…cuz the entire population was in aisle 9 of Kroger with me.

But what do I hear when I get home?

We’ve been downgraded to “winter weather advisory”.

Now, Mother Nature, I ask you this. How is that fair?

I beg you, please let me wake to a white yard and icy streets. I know it won’t last, but if it’s on the ground in the morning, school will be canceled and I won’t have to go to work. (I know, I know. I feel my yankee friends rolling their eyes as I type this. Sorry. But that’s how we roll down here. Even just seeing snow clouds can cause some schools to close.)

Don’t let me down, sista-gurl. I’d hate to have to send my entourage after you to teach you a lesson. I promise, it wouldn’t be pretty. Not nearly as pretty as a white blanket of snow covering my yard.

9 thoughts on “an open letter

  1. Ooooh, fingers crossed! I know how much I love seeing it, spending about 27+ years in the tropics, and you’ve done all the right things, by stocking up on the bread, etc, so it would be a travesty if Mother Nature didn’t comply!

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  2. I used to work for Kroger in High School, my job was to stock the milk and bread. I hated everyday that the weather person said it might snow or sleet, or get really windy, because everyone would run in and take all my bread and milk.

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  3. With snow usually brings one sick child and not near enough alcohol to be cooped up for more than 2 days. Good luck, Gotta run….Connor has fever and they’re calling for 80% chance ‘wintery mix’ here this afternoon.

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  4. I hate snow, but for your sake, I hope you get it.You’d think I lived in the Deep South with the way people panic in DC the second we get even the slightest warning of one inch of snow. Seriously, the lines are already forming at our grocery stores. I arguably live in the most powerful city on the planet and yet, one inch of snow is enough to compltely shut everything down.Pathetic.

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