the heinous anus

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I know, I abandoned you guys again. Sorry.

Work was busy last week, then I went home to meet with some former high school classmates to help plan our 20 year reunion. Yes, 20 years. Shut up.

Never fear though. I have returned with a story.

Tonight was the first of our weekly travels to Tupelo for Ian’s soccer team. Not a bad drive–about 40 minutes away. We’re carpooling and since we have a Mom-mobile, we took a couple of extra kids with us.

After we had our asses handed to us by a much more skilled team we piled back into the Mom-mobile and headed home. We couldn’t have been in the vehicle for more than a minute before the most disgusting smell took us over. I literally gagged. The boys all began to moan and groan and bitch and yell and finally one of them owned it.

“And I got another one brewing.”

Jeeeeeezus.

Now, I am the mother of two boys and the wife to one. I know what farts smell like. I’ve smelled some bad ones. But never, ever, in my life have I smelled something this bad coming out of a live person.

He must’ve eaten a dozen boiled eggs and chased them with a pint of kerosene.

We spent much of the drive home with the windows down. Not fun–but still better than the disgusting fume exiting out of the anus from hell.

What the frick is wrong with the male species? Teenage girls (and full grown women) would rather eat a light bulb than fart in public. And if a girl had ever popped an air biscuit that could be used in biological warfare–she would’ve switched schools to avoid the gossip. And if one had slipped through the crack (haha) and someone else took the blame, she’d be totally okay with that.

But boys? No. They claim the anus-fume proudly. It’s just not right.

(I’m telling ya, this boy would’ve wiped out a couple of villages with the passing one biscuit.)

8 thoughts on “the heinous anus”

  1. The force is strong in this one.

    I spent five weeks driving around the country with four of my friends. It was a great matter of pride to make everyone else sick with your stench.

    Being a guy is awesome!

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  3. My 3 year old nephew was just here for 2 weeks. The kid has the room-clearing powers of expired Limburger. Good Lord, how do they smell so bad so young?

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  4. When I was in college, I ended up in a car going from New Orleans to St. Louis (the long way, we actually went into Texas at Texarkana) with a bunch of frat guys. They had a bean burrito contest at Taco Bell before we hit the road. Let me tell you, it was the longest 24 hours of my life.

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  7. Men ARE gross. Although, I have to admit that when I went on a road trip during fall break with several girlfriends while in college the primary activity in the car was quietly trying to dutch oven each other as frequently as possible. We didn’t really brag about it afterwards though.

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  8. ROTFL!!!

    Here’s a theory that come from the animal kingdom.

    Farts are worse in creatures who eat LOTS of meat. Lions, Tigers , dogs …

    McDonalds, Wendys, Burger King… what will they eat there? Meat.

    Hot dogs … Meat.

    Men Are Meat Eaters .. and their farts prove it!

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