Okay, am I the only one?

Kay Jewelers and Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman Jane Seymore have teamed up with this new “Open Hearts” jewelry.

Seriously. Am I the only person who sees this design and thinks, “Tits and Ass.”

Do you see it? Or is it just me? That is totally Tits and Ass. I don’t care who you are. I know you see it.

If I’m being honest, I have to admit that I kinda want that to be my ass. I mean, look how perfect and round it is. Dammit. It’s the ass of my #1 enemy at the gym, Barbie Hair Girl. I now hate that ass. Stupid Dr. Quinn and her perfect ass necklace. Not nice. Not fair. And why the hell would I want to wear Barbie Hair Girl’s ass around my neck? I wouldn’t.

I like the idea behind the design, but really? I just don’t see open hearts. I see Tits and Ass. And trust me when I say, I have plenty of both, I don’t need a necklace to prove it.

Dear stoopidMen,
Do not buy this for your wife/girlfriend/lover/mistress/friend that is girl.

It will just remind her of her big tits and ass…or her lack thereof.

Get her something much more personal. Like a card that says what you can’t, or make her a CD of y’all’s favorite songs, or cook her dinner, or clean her house, or just take the kids out for a night so she can read/sleep/play tiddly-winks go to bed early. But don’t get her the T-n-A necklace. It’s just not right.

I’m over at Fictionistas today, expanding on my gift theory. Head over if you want to hear more.