I’ve been on a roll lately, so why stop now? This is probably gonna ruffle a few feathers, but hey, I have opinions, this is my blog and NOBODY IS MAKING YOU READ MY WORDS! Continue reading
You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations..
I’ll write a real post tomorrow talking about my awesome trip. But I read this today, and felt the need to share it. Parenting isn’t easy. It isn’t about controlling or yelling or tearing your child down or making your child feel worthless because he/she disappointed you. And this blog post really applies to every parent on earth. Read it. Apply it to your life.
First off, thank you for all the wonderful comments about yesterday’s post. Many of us had a nice discussion on Facebook and I also received a couple of private messages that meant the world to me. We all have stuff that lingers from our past, and we all have different ways to cope. In high school, my coping mechanism was to be happy no matter what in public. I ignored all the ugly remarks about the size of my butt, BUT, they never went away.
“She’s so chunky, you have to eat her with a fork.”
“Chunky, chunky 2 by 4, can’t get through the kitchen door.”
I made myself believe the people who said those things to me were just ‘ribbing’ me. Like they would one of the guys. And so then, I became one of the guys. Because THAT was the safest thing to do. If you’re one of the guys, then you don’t expect to get a boyfriend. You’re not going to, anyway. Boys don’t like curvy girls. So I threw a football better than most dudes, I played all the sports and became better friends with the boys than I did with most of the girls. I also threw myself into every extracurricular activity I could, from Student Senate to Class Officer. I was the most unpopular popular kid in high school.
It’s funny, our perceptions of each other growing up. I felt like nobody knew me, like I was just so-n-so’s sidekick, I was the fat friend with a good personality, the pity date, the third wheel. So when I went to college, I still had this weird, self-perception.
But now, 30 years later, even though I fight those old feelings, I actually feel pretty fucking swell. I’ve got some amazing friends, a super amazing boyfriend and my kids–I survived high school so I could be the kind of mom I am today. And I wake up happy everyday (even when I don’t want to get out of bed because the sleep won’t leave my face!) It’s nice, this swellness I have on my inside parts.
I think that’s why I get so bent out of shape about bullying these days. And I’m not even talking about mean kids being mean. That sucks and it needs to be stopped. I’m talking about adult bullying kids but calling it ‘parenting.’ If your kid goes through life feeling worthless because you called her a whore for wearing too much makeup to a party or an inappropriate dress or you tell her girls with those size thighs can’t wear those skirts…or girls with no boobs shouldn’t put on boob dresses….then you’re being a bully. You’re not parenting, you’re shaming. My parents are amazing grandparents, but when I had the boys, I made it very clear to them… they were never to feel shame for asking questions or wearing something that looked horrible but they picked it out themselves. They were never to be called names EVER. Because shaming is not good parenting. Luckily, I broke free of that pattern, but a lot of kids grow up to be the same kind of parents… It’s not fair to their kids.
/soap box for the day
Have I shown y’all my summer look? Or what I PLAN to be my summer look?
I’m gonna rock this look all summer long, and sparkle while I’m doing it…
This picture inspired me… :
How to get a bikini body: PUT A BIKINI ON YOUR BODY. Yeah yeah, that’s actually a 2-piece not a bikini. I’m confident but not THAT confident. LOL
Anyway, y’all do something kind for yourself today. And smile. You know smiling is contagious…right?
I have resisted this topic as long as possible. I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m furious. And I’m ready to bomb.com the ugliest man on earth.
It’s like Gary Busey and Bif from BACK TO THE FUTURE had a hate orgy with Donatella Versace…
and the product was a baby named Mike Jeffries.
And I’m not just talking about his face–which, I totally could be. Mostly, this man is ugly on the inside.
By now we’ve all read his remarks. But just for the record, let me post them for you here:
That’s why we hire good-looking people in our stores. Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don’t market to anyone other than that.
In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids. Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don’t alienate anybody, but you don’t excite anybody, either.
Looks aside, because seriously, we all have our own cross to bear…WHO THE FUCK IS HE KIDDING?
You see, I have no problem with A&F having an exclusionary market. Many, many stores do. I do have a problem when A&F (and other stores) reducing their clothing sizes so that even average women can’t wear them. Believe it or not, I wear a large TShirt. A&F’s Large (even men’s large) is barely a medium.
This is why girls put such unrealistic goals on themselves and their natural body size/shape. A girl who is normally a size 10, thinks she’s supposed to be a size 8 or size 6 and is ashamed of herself for being “too big.” And let’s face it, since when should a size 10 be considered BIG? Holy crap!
And may the gods bless Ellen Degeneres who uses her beautiful size-tiny self and her beautiful humor to make the point that if we continue to allow the retailers to get away with subtracting sizes to make their clientele skinnier and more “cool” then what’s going to be next? Negative sizes? Are we going to be starving ourselves to get into a size -2? Just be happy and healthy with who you are. She’s funny. And she’s right.
Let me give you a personal example
Here are Marilyn Monroe’s measurements:
Height: 5 feet, 5½ inches
Weight: 140 pounds (the majority of her career)
Bust: 35-37 inches
Waist: 22-23 inches
Hips: 35-36 inches
Bra size: 36D
I will have you know, when I got married, these measurements were almost identical to mine. (my waist was a 26.) I was literaly 36-26-36
A perfect hourglass.
I was mortified because I thought I was fat. I was a size 10. Starving to get myself into a size 8. I was working out 7 days a week and struggling with everything in my body to try to get to 135 and stay there. (Because 140 was fat)
And this is what NO girl should ever have to go through. I was in my 20s and still struggled with it. Imagine being 14…and not having the emotional stability or the wherewithal to handle this type of pressure.
What’s the point of all this? We need to teach our children to love themselves for who they are. We need to teach ourselves the same thing. And we all need to learn that there is beauty in every size and we have got to stop letting the retailers and morons like Mike Jeffries tell us that fat kids aren’t cool. Because that ain’t cool, Dude.
If you’re beautiful on the inside, you’re beautiful on the outside. If you’re not, no clothing in the world is gonna help you, no matter what size you are.
Mike Jeffries needs to sit his “cool” ass down on a therapy couch and try to fix his inside parts before he starts throwing stones at us ugly, uncool, fat folks.
Marriage equality is a human right. Not a heterosexual right.
Period. The End. I can’t believe we are even debating this.
Love is love.
There’s so much pettiness, jealousy, bitterness and hatred in this world. Why can’t we just let love rule?
I’m wearing red to show my support of marriage equality today. Are you?
I say Happy Holidays.
Why? You ask (probably with a judgey, angry, smirk. Be careful…you’ll wrinkle)
Because to me, the holidays are Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, and New Year’s. Yep. Those are all the holidays. And I wish them to be happy. Ergo: Happy Holidays/
If you wish me a Merry Christmas, I’m going to smile and say Thanks! Same to you!
I’m not offended because you celebrate Christmas. I love joyful messages, however they are sent. Why people get bent out of shape over a message of peace, joy, and happiness…no matter how it is delivered, is beyond me.
Would you rather me wish you a Happy Chriskwanzakkah? Cuz I totally can.
I love the holidays. Who cares how the message of happiness is delivered. Just receive it with a smile and accept it with the warmth of the intended message. Don’t get caught up in the words used to deliver it…The only difference in Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays is the attitude in which they are received.
So Happy Holidays.
Yes, the election is over. Yes. I’m pleased with the results…but the reality is, if things had gone the other way, I’d be all right, too. (Unless I wanted to make a very important decision about my body…)
Anyhoo… Yay that the Rape Idiots didn’t get reelected. Good Grief. Yay for women who soundly told our country that we deserve the same pay and full control over our own bodies.
The only 1950s we get to live in, is in our pin up girl fantasies! And that’s the way it ought to be. (I’ll be right back, I need to go make you a sammich.)
And yay for President Barack Obama and his family. Go forth and continue to rebuild from the mess you were handed.
I’ve been extremely disappointed in my Facebook newsfeed lately. I welcome dissenting opinions, but I do not tolerate racism, hate or rhetoric. I woke this morning to see a couple of my ‘friends’ posting “Welcome to Muslim America’ and “Well of course he got voted in, everyone loves getting freebies.”
Really? Come on. Educate yourself. Don’t spread hate and rhetoric and untruths. Damn. So this is my status today.
If you truly believe that Obama is a Socialist, a Muslim, if you’re still looking for his birth certificate, or if you’re posting racist hate and rhetoric on your page, please just unfriend me now. This is a democracy. The people have spoken and they have spoken loudly. If I survived 8 years of Dubya (barely) then I promise, you will survive 8 years of Obama. These are not the darkest days. This is not the end of the world. I have been looking for signs of the apocalypse, and I’m pretty sure we’re safe. There’s no excuse to post hate. Respect the process and let love rule.
Seriously, we’ve all made mistakes, we all don’t like something about someone. We all disagree with different government policies, but to be hateful? To spread lies and encourage racism? Just not something I want to be around and certainly not something I want kids to see. So I’ve unfriended a few folks and I posted this and asked people to unfriend me. And I’m okay with it if you do. You have the right to your beliefs, but I’d appreciate it if you’d just keep them off my newsfeed because I don’t really want to hang out with someone who won’t bother to educate themselves with facts and who hates because of race, gender, or sexuality. Now. Go forth and love someone today.
My friend has been dealing with a lot. Her 16 year old autistic child has been bullied mercilessly for years…even more so now that he is out of the closet. He wrote this letter and asked his mom to post it.
Please. Go forth and read it. Know that no matter what you believe is morally right…that nothing justifies the torment this child has been put through.
I am disgusted that in this FREE COUNTRY we are tormenting people who love differently, who process information differently and who believe differently.
We are tormenting people for being different. For standing up for what they believe to be right, even if it goes against the majority. We are bullying people to change who they are or to keep their mouths closed or to fake their way through life in order to protect themselves.
What bothers me the most? Most of these people call themselves Christian. Well, if God is love…then what the hell kind of message are these “Christians” sending when they beat up on on an a gay, autistic kid? Or whoever else they decide to bully just because they are different.
Disgusting.
And on a similar subject, please read this letter to Ann Coulter, written by a 30 year old man with Down’s Syndrome. Ann is another bully…and for some reason, she has power to stir up followers. Remember folks, your words and actions have power. Can you live with the results?
I woke with a helluva headache this morning. I got up at 4:30 a.m., took Rader to football practice, came home and popped some painkillers and slept a little bit more. I was an hour late for work, but thankfully my co-workers are cool. The tardiness was worth it because I am now headache free and to celebrate, I’m wearing my red sundress.
Sorry you can’t see the full dress, but you get the point. I’m smiling. I’m wearing red. All is right in the world.
I’m having to deal with a little bit of pettiness right now and it’s kind of difficult for me because I just don’t understand making big deals out of little things. I mean, sure, I get hormonal on occasion and overreact to little things every once in a while, we all do. But pettiness just to be spiteful? Yeah, I don’t get it. It just makes people seem ugly and small. So I’m doing some mental yoga and moving on, because somebody has to let go…and thankfully because I can, I’ll still be smiling. (See photo as proof). I like being happy on the inside and out. It really does make life so much better. So for today (and everyday that I can manage) this will be my motto:
I also am a big fan of NEVER LET ANYONE DULL YOUR SPARKLE. Hah! As if…
In other news, my monkey-boy Rader will be a freshman in high school tomorrow. I can’t believe it. And my tree-frog Ian will be a freshman in college next week. Where did the time go?
Sorry. Couldn’t resist one last poke. There you go Anonymous. Two free days of attention. You’re welcome.
Now moving on to awesome stuff…I worked out with a trainer last night. He wasn’t necessarily my kinda guy…he was too full of hot air and motivational poster moments, but he definitely knew how pump up the volume on my workout. My legs were jelly when we finished and climbing the stairs have been slightly challenging today.
In other awesome stuff, I think we’re gonna pack up and take the boys to Oxford tomorrow for the Double Decker festival. We’ve missed our peeps and we really wanna go play. ETA: no Oxford tomorrow now. Plans have changed. Tis okay, will be heading that way soon…
In news of the weird, look what we woke up to find this morning:
Black Rot and Pecan Trees don’t mix very well…
And with that, my Friday blog is over. Happy Weekend y’all! It feels good to feel good again…
Bitchin' Fiction: Musings by author Melissa McKenzie / Melissa Francis 
