I didn’t give birth to girls for several reasons. I’m quite sure that Fate knew what the hell she was doing when she kept me from mothering the female gender. You would think that because I’m an awesome female that would automatically make me an awesome mother to a female. Well if that’s what you think, your thinking is flawed.

8 Reasons Mel Did Not Give Birth to Girls:

1. You know that song that you hear that just speaks to you? It played for the first time during the perfect moment and it just stuck? And you get a rush of love feelings like goosebumps, and flutters, and heart palpitations? (or is that just me?) Well, one of those songs for me when I was younger was MANDOLIN RAIN by Bruce Hornsby. What does this have to do w/ me not having a daughter? I was going to name my daughter Manodlin Rain. I wish I was kidding. I’m not. (I still love the song, BTW)
2. My favorite color is pink, but there is no way in hell I would dress my little girl in pink unless it was a baseball cap. Or a football jersey.
3. I would NEVER tape a bow to my baby girl’s bald-ass head. WHY WOULD ANYONE TAPE A BOW TO A BALD HEAD?
4. I would NEVER put a big flowery headband on my baby girl’s bald-ass head. AGAIN. I JUST DON’T GET THIS.
5. Just because my child is XX doesn’t mean she can’t learn to drive a boat, shoot a gun (if that’s what you’re into), play football (I had a helluva arm. Still do actually), go frog giggin’, catch crawdads, climb a tree, and get dirty. Apparently I’m in the rare minority of southern mommas who believe this.
6. If I’d had a daughter, she would’ve been cursed with my hips. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sex-on-a-stick but I wouldn’t wish these hips on anyone. There’s a difference between curvy and dangerous curves ahead. I’m pretty sure my hips put me into the dangerous arena. Mainly because I knock into shit as I walk by; not because they’re so sexy they’re dangerous.
7. I think super long hair on little girls is a waste of good playing time. I also don’t think girls should have to brush their hair if they don’t want to. I mean, that’s why we have ball caps and ponytails, right?
8. She would’ve probably also inherited my mouth. It’s bad enough that I have boys with my smart mouth, but really, why would I want to bring another female into this world with the same curse?

I’m sure I could go on, but these are just a few reasons why Fate was smart enough to give me dirty, rotten, stinky (very stinky), unkempt, lizard-huntin’ boys.

Please enjoy the Mandolin Rain video…(seriously, I’m kinda back on the it would make a great name bandwagon!)