It’s that time of year, bitches.

We are one day away from the 7th annual MONTH OF MEL. (Technically, it’s the 47th annual, Month of Mel, but…I didn’t start celebrating the entire month until 7 years ago.) For those of you unfamiliar with the origins of the MONTH OF MEL, please click here. We’ll wait for you, don’t worry…

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et tu?

My youngest turns 18 on Saturday. Or as he continually reminds me via text message and on FB…I officially will be VERY OLD on Saturday when my youngest child is no longer a child. He will only be my offspring. My growed-assed progeny. Because I’m old.

Yes. That is a summary of how he teases me about his 18th birthday. Because he is cruel.

He is my clown, my goofball, my forever and unapologetically “himself” child. I’ve never met a more grounded or a more self-aware teenager in my life.

Please enjoy this very brief glimpse into our life together

I have made many mistakes over the years, but I’ve done 2 things pretty damn okay. And they are the beings I birthed, formerly known as my children.

But as of this weekend, I’ll be the mother of two growed-assed men.

Et Tu, Rader Tater?

black and… orange? gold? red?

college collage

This week, my youngest little bird was accepted to Hendrix College and offered $100K in academic scholarships. This doesn’t include the other scholarships he’s applied for.

To say I am overjoyed for him would be an understatement

Last night he found out that he can log in to his Vandy account today after 5:30 pm CST to see if he’s been accepted and how much need-based financial aid he’ll be receiving. (Scholarship information will come later.)

We will hear from Rhodes in January.

I am so nervous for him and so damn excited. I want so badly for Vandy to accept his application, and for the tuition assistance to be good enough along with his scholarships that he can attend. It’s his first choice. Hendrix and Rhodes are neck-n-neck for 2nd. He loved all the schools so much and would be happy attending any of them.

But Vandy felt like his soulmate. You could see it in his eyes as we walked through campus and toured the dorms.

I’m wearing my black and gold today, in hopes for good news tonight.

I feel rather positive that he’ll get in…but there’s always that niggling what if he doesn’t… and you know what? so what what if he doesn’t? He tried. He put forth a great effort and for whatever reason, if he didn’t make the cut–it will make him stronger and more determined to succeed at either Rhodes or Hendrix. But at least he wasn’t afraid to take a chance.

Talking to Rader’s godfather and my best friend Nick this morning he said that when he was afraid to leave for school his dad said “You know what son, I don’t want you to go, but you better get the hell out of here.”

And that right there sums it up perfectly for me. I’ll miss you when you’re gone, but you better fly away little birdie!

Okay, bitches! Keep your fingers crossed for good news! Maybe tonight, I’ll be the mom of an incoming Vanderbilt Freshman!



Check out my view from the convertible this morning as I was being chauffeured into town this morning.

photo(129) That’s right! Sunrise in the front…moon in the back. Kinda cool, huh?

On the drive in, Rader and I were just chatting it up like we always do, and I told him about a friend of mine posting this link to my FB page and telling me that when she read the article she thought of me because “you are one of the most “human” people I know! You’re a great role model for living authentically!” THIS is the biggest compliment I have ever been given and it truly touched me. (and not even in the naughty, below the belt way…which has always been my favorite touching up until now.) I think this is what people sometimes refer to as “feelings.” So foreign, yet so nice…

Anyway, I told Rader this story and he said “You know mom, you may not be ‘funky fresh’ but you don’t front and that’s cool.”

I am now striving to achieve level funky fresh.

In other news, 3 years ago this week, El Jefe and I were planning our first date…which actually took place on September 10, 2010. Check out our very first picture together…


Aw. Aren’t we adorable? Yes. Yes we are.

It’s funny when I think back to those days. I had known El Jefe for 10 years. We had worked together and lived next door to each other…and we had always been friends. He always made me laugh. I was floored when he contacted me. I thought “Is he flirting? No way.”  And then… YES WAY. OMG. I was so nervous. I had gone out with a few guys since my separation, but no one I was really into. Mostly they were just young and dumb and full of ego. (AHEM. Yes. Ego.) (or multiple personalities. I wish I was joking…) Anyway, I’ve been feeling nostalgic this week. We are a good fit. We are happy. I am happy. And I am so glad I took a chance and started a new chapter in my life with a man that is so smart and funny and now I can call him ALL MINE.  He’s a pretty lucky guy, too, me being so awesome and all…

And his response to that would be:

3rrcpgIf you watch Sons of Anarchy…He’s my Opie.

Sure, Jax is the “hot one” but Opie is the one that I want. Big and burly on the outside, soft like a kitteh on the inside. Shhhhh. Don’t tell El Jefe I said that. It sounds like he may have the feelz. He refuses to acknowledge he feels the feelz. 🙂

but he totally does.

Happy Thursday, Bitches! I’m gonna shine bright like a diamond today. Put your shades on!

Well, that was fun.

Yesterday was very draining. I know people have a bad day and have no issues with telling the world, but when you’re a sponge like I am, you soak up the energy around you. And yesterday, the energy around me was pissy. Negative, bitchy, petty and stressful.

And I was in such a good mood when I got to work! UGH.

So I went home, fired up the grill (QUEEN OF THE GRILL!) and became one with my center. Or at least I tried to. Thank the gods El Jefe makes me laugh. Same with Rader. I needed the laughter badly.

Rader offered to pour me “all the wine” last night. hahaha. I had to decline though, since I’m kinda on the wine wagon during the week. (most of the week, anyway. I chose wine over workout on Tuesday since it was storming.) I did some stretches and grilling and then got all the loves from the puppies and kittehs and my personal Fabio… and by the end of the night, I was all better.

And today, I’m rarin’ to go. I’m also in rare form. Look out world…I’ve got my sparkle turned up to 11 and I don’t care if you’re wearing shades or not!

I can be snarky and funny and a smartass, but I’m rarely negative. I enjoy happiness and smiling at people so they will smile back. I may have a rant or two on occasion, but it’s mostly just me being silly. I will say what most of y’all are thinking. I’m awesome like that, you see.

So today, I’m in a good place and I’m not going to allow any of the crabby people crawl into my happiness bubble full of sunshine and butterflies. And unicorns that fart rainbows.

Because EVERYONE wants a rainbow farting unicorn in their life. Duh.

and she cried more, more, more!

Just in case you care, here’s a copy of last night’s workout. (I’m combining various HIIT/and muscle specific exercises for a variety of workouts) Also, I’m not a fitness guru, I’m doing this on my own, at my own risk. If you decide to follow my workouts, it’s all on you. I’m just a moron who can’t afford a personal trainer.  You don’t have to be one, too.

Bootyliciousness workout #6

Bootyliciousness workout #6

By the time I was done with this half-hour…I was crying NO MORE! and I was sweating like a cold beer on a hot table.

I’m staying pretty focused and doing well with my daily exercising…I’m sore, but not in pain. I’m sleeping better and I’m pushing myself to do just “one more” and not quitting when my body wants to.

I’m struggling with keeping my core tight and maintaining appropriate posture when I get tired.

But it’s a process. And I’m showing progress, so no complaints here. (other than, FEED ME!!)

So last night…I had a dream about my ass.

Yep. You read that right. I. Had a dream. About my ASS.

I dreamed that I woke up one morning and was getting dressed and looked in the mirror and my ass looked like this:

It ain't gonna spank itself, fellas.

It ain’t gonna spank itself, fellas.

Now you know why I’m doing all those damn squats. I know my ass is never gonna be this size, but if it could be that shape? I’d never keep my hands off my own ass.

Oh well. I’m always going to have a big butt (So WHAT?) and that’s why, this is my motto


let’s hear it for more, more, more lunges, squats and big ol’ butts that cannot lie!

Melf’s Compound BootyCamp Day 1: Report in, sir.

pinup18So…it was kind of a success! I say “Kind of” because clearly, I like to believe I’m still fit as I was when I played 3 hours of basketball every afternoon and ran a 9 minute mile without breaking a sweat.

Just in case you were wondering, I am NOT in high school, anymore.

The boys were awesome. I actually didn’t expect them to take it seriously and get out there with me, but they did. Even my nephew Ryan jumped in!

I made 1 round of all the exercises, which totaled 22 minutes. I had hoped to do the full round of 42 minutes, but it just didn’t happen. I know I got a good workout in though because I wanted to puke a couple of times. That’s how you know you’re doin’ it right. Right? LOL

Or it could have just been the extreme heat and humidity. Whatever.

It was a pretty leg intensive workout, which is what I need. (the boys bitched about it. Said they want more upper body work. hah!) I have large thigh and butt muscles (big butt, SO WHAT?)  and I need to focus on getting rid of the extra padding around them. But we did arm work along with the leg work, so we did get a pretty full body workout.

I’m quite pleased with my first attempt, thankyouverymuch.

I ran out of energy faster than expected because I didn’t eat enough calories yesterday. I ate some peanut butter on a whole wheat pita about an hour prior to the workout, but…it just wasn’t enough to get me through. I have GOT to do better about eating more calories during the day. The thing about doing the low carb lifestyle is I’m just not as hungry. Which is GOOD and bad…because I have to eat for energy if I’m going to exercise more than just walking. And of course, if I exercise at night, I generally am not hungry at all afterward. Whicexercisepinuph means I ended yesterday with only 821 calories and I burned 420. Not good for energy levels.

This morning I made sure I ate a good breakfast. A grilled chicken burrito with Greek Cream Cheese and spinach on a low carb, whole wheat tortilla. It was so tasty and satisfying. And I’m not crabby at all.

We’re gonna be back at it on Wednesday night! I hope I can push myself to do more than half the workout. I have a hard time motivating myself to do the workouts. I need a coach to bully me. LOL Oh, the 80s. How I don’t miss being yelled at and shamed for being curvier and slower than the rest of the basketball team. I certainly wasn’t anywhere close to fat at 135 lbs and 5’6 tall. But to hear the coach tell it, I was morbidly obese and lazy.

Which is why, now that I am overweight, it’s really hard for me to motivate myself. I shame myself for the body I have because I felt so much shame about the body I had. WTF is wrong with adults who shame children like that? Don’t they know that shit sticks?

Eh. The only failure is failing to try again. So, I’m just gonna keep trying until I’m successful.

And I’m going to love me for who I am. Because seriously? I’m pretty fat-tastic. FANtastic. Awesome even. And I’m gonna rock this body, no matter its size, shape or leftover shame. There is no shame in being human. There is only shame in being an ugly-on-the-inside human.

I am ANYTHING but ugly. Inside or out.

Let’s stay motivated, bitches!


Happiest of Hours

We had an impromptu happy hour at the compound yesterday afternoon. It was lovely.

Before the gathering, I soaked up all the vitamin D possible. I pretended I was on a beautiful beach in the Caribbean, being served lovely, strong island beverages by handsome young, shirtless men.

Don’t you wish you were me?