My dear Friends of the Internetz,
You may remember me sharing several of my dirty little secrets with you in the past. No, I’m not talking about my Naughty River for Blue’s Clues Steve, or my White Trash Crushes…I’m talking about when I shared the only thing Sarah Jessica Parker and I have in common: Man Hands.
It’s true. We both have them. And I have to tell you, I’m ready to do something about mine. El Jefe thinks I’m just this side of crazy when I talk about my Man Hands. I’ll admit they are tiny in size, especially compared to his…but…my fingers are like little stuffed sausages and my fingernails are awful. They don’t really grow; and they are wide. They just don’t seem very feminine to me–therefore they are Man Hands. I’m thinking it’s time to try to fix them.
Apparently you can’t do liposuction on your fingers (Not that I’ve checked…) and apparently, having big knuckles and tiny stumpy fingers isn’t really something plastic surgeons can fix (what? I’m making an assumption here. I swear!) So I think I’m going to go a different route.
I’m going to get a manicure.
I’m going to see if I can make my Man Hands into
Drag Queen Hands pretty, feminine girly hands, just by adding polish and trying to grow the nails out. I can’t do the fake nail thing. It’s just not my bag. But apparently there is this polish called Shellac that is guaranteed to last 2 weeks, even on the toughest customer. That would be me.
So next week, I’m gonna go for it. I’m going to attempt to put lipstick on a pig and pretty up my Man Hands. If you have any other suggestions for me, please weigh in…