Well, first things first…I don’t miss y’all. (No offense or anything.) I farking lurve Disney. I’m tired as shit and my feet feel like swolled up whack-a-moles but who cares? It’s Disney!

Now, I’m not gonna do a detailed vacation post yet. Frankly, I’m too tired. FWIW, everyday while park stomping, I come up with great blog ideas/titles. But by the time I get home, I just don’t care enough to be witty.

But, those blogs will come. I promise. Hopefully this list of things not to do while in Disney will keep you entertained until I feel really witty again.

• If you’re an overweight woman traveling with your 12 year old daughter–DON’T wear her clothing. It’s not cute. You’re not hip. And no matter how much Nair you own, you should not be wearing short shorts.
• Don’t force your young child onto a ride. If he doesn’t want to ride, threatening to take him home won’t make him change his mind. If you make him ride, he will make the experience less than enjoyable for everyone else on the attraction. And frankly, it makes you seem like an asshole.
• Don’t travel and stay in the same house with extended family. No matter how much you love these people, you no longer live with them, and there is a reason for that.
• If you have hammer toes, don’t wear open toe shoes. If you are determined to show off your pedicure, please make sure you haven’t painted your hammer toes kelly green.
• Don’t wear white shorts without underwear. If you do, then don’t get on the Kali River Rapids. If you do, then expect everyone at the Animal Kingdom to see your naughty bits for a very long time.
• Don’t expect your 13 and 9 year old to actually listen to you. Don’t expect them not to climb on every rail or play with every chain they see. And definitely, don’t expect them not to fart in line and wait to see how long before someone notices. (other than their mom, of course.)
• If you ask your 13 and 9 year old to leave each other alone then you’re just a fool. “Leave each other alone” in sibling talk means “bug the fucking shit out of each other until your parents berate you endlessly in every line you stand in while they search for beer.” (btw, you can buy beer at all the theme parks!!!)
• Never make eye contact with the “street performers” at Epcot unless you want to be pulled into their little play as “the evil wizard Pelham”. (more on that later…)

These are just a few of the tips we’ve picked up along the way. More tips and observations to come soon.

Until then, Happy Birthday to me. (That’s right, I turn 29 (again) on the 14th.

I’m officially finished with work and living in a sunshine state of mind.

I’ll try to blog from the road. Maybe even with pics!

Hey Chip, sorry you’re stuck at work—this one’s for you:

hasta la bye bye, mi amigos!

I’m officially finished with work and living in a sunshine state of mind.

I’ll try to blog from the road. Maybe even with pics!

Hey Chip, sorry you’re stuck at work—this one’s for you:

hasta la bye bye, mi amigos!

Tell Paula Abdul to STFU!!!!!

I don’t really watch American Idol as religiously as The Fishdog. Truth be told, I don’t really like the show until the final 6 or so, because let’s face it, the performances up until then can be sketchy at best.

I also have an issue with the fact that it’s a popularity contest and not a talent contest. If it were based on talent alone, there are a few finalists/winners that wouldn’t be. (koff, Clay Aiken, koff, Justin Guarini, koff, Carrie Underwearwood. okay, sorry. she can sing, but I still can’t stand her. Ugh. koff, Taylor Hick(s) Yeah yeah. I know people liked him. whatever. Chris Daughtry kicked his ass and outsang him.)

Anyway, back to my point. (and I do have one) Why is Paula Abdul on this show? Does anyone know? And more importantly, what the hell is she smokin’? It’s got to be some primo stuff cuz bitch don’t make no sense but she sho seems happy.

What I love most about Paula is the fact that she continually denies drinking or being under the influence of any mood-altering substance. Mmmmhmmmm. Funny, but I don’t really believe her. (FYI, you don’t have to watch much of the interview below to get where I’m coming from)

Tell Paula Abdul to STFU!!!!!

I don’t really watch American Idol as religiously as The Fishdog. Truth be told, I don’t really like the show until the final 6 or so, because let’s face it, the performances up until then can be sketchy at best.

I also have an issue with the fact that it’s a popularity contest and not a talent contest. If it were based on talent alone, there are a few finalists/winners that wouldn’t be. (koff, Clay Aiken, koff, Justin Guarini, koff, Carrie Underwearwood. okay, sorry. she can sing, but I still can’t stand her. Ugh. koff, Taylor Hick(s) Yeah yeah. I know people liked him. whatever. Chris Daughtry kicked his ass and outsang him.)

Anyway, back to my point. (and I do have one) Why is Paula Abdul on this show? Does anyone know? And more importantly, what the hell is she smokin’? It’s got to be some primo stuff cuz bitch don’t make no sense but she sho seems happy.

What I love most about Paula is the fact that she continually denies drinking or being under the influence of any mood-altering substance. Mmmmhmmmm. Funny, but I don’t really believe her. (FYI, you don’t have to watch much of the interview below to get where I’m coming from)

So I took the easy way out for a blog today. Sue me.

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??

Morpheus
Take this quiz!

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| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

So I took the easy way out for a blog today. Sue me.

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??

Morpheus
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Snappy title, eh?

Cuz today is Tuesday and this is my blog. See the perfection in the simplicity?

Just a few minutes ago, I was whining on Killer’s blog (now with 30% more Liz!) about how I’m struggling to maintain my daily entries here in my own little slice of cyberspace.

Part of that is because right now, I’m distracted. Vacation starts in 3 days. On Friday afternoon, I’ll be hanging out with Maria Geraci in Tallahassee. Sunday afternoon, I’ll be taking my first of many rides on the Incredible Hulk roller coaster. Sunday Night I’ll be lounging by the pool in the house we’re renting in Orlando, preparing for my next three days at Disney.

After that, we head to the Beach where I’ll see my face crack dealer, Angie and play with her little boy and her big ol dog.

Jealous much?

Anyway, as I was pondering what I should blog about, I strolled over to Stinkydog’s blog and was inspired!

Check out my monster name.

Get Your Monster Name

Awesome. Go forth and find your monster name then post a comment and tell me who you are!

Snappy title, eh?

Cuz today is Tuesday and this is my blog. See the perfection in the simplicity?

Just a few minutes ago, I was whining on Killer’s blog (now with 30% more Liz!) about how I’m struggling to maintain my daily entries here in my own little slice of cyberspace.

Part of that is because right now, I’m distracted. Vacation starts in 3 days. On Friday afternoon, I’ll be hanging out with Maria Geraci in Tallahassee. Sunday afternoon, I’ll be taking my first of many rides on the Incredible Hulk roller coaster. Sunday Night I’ll be lounging by the pool in the house we’re renting in Orlando, preparing for my next three days at Disney.

After that, we head to the Beach where I’ll see my face crack dealer, Angie and play with her little boy and her big ol dog.

Jealous much?

Anyway, as I was pondering what I should blog about, I strolled over to Stinkydog’s blog and was inspired!

Check out my monster name.

Get Your Monster Name

Awesome. Go forth and find your monster name then post a comment and tell me who you are!

Yeah, I’m pretty certain I might fail 5th grade if I took their year end test today.

So, the young’uns and I watched this show tonight. Holy Crap! I’m an idiot.

You know, at one time, I thought I was pretty smart. But tonight, I discovered that common sense and smarts are not necessarily synonymous.

Ursa Major? had no idea it was the constellation in which the Big Dipper resides.
NA? it’s the elemental abbreviation for sodium. (yeah, at one time, I know that. But now that I’m a tainted adult…the only thing NA stands for is Narcotics Anonymous.)
How many teaspoons in 5 tablespoons? Okay, I cook and still didn’t know. I thought 20…but actually it was 15.

Anyway, if you ever have a desire to feel inadequate and still be slightly entertained, tune into Fox and Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader. Seriously. It’s enlightening.

(BTW, my 3rd grader was as smart as the 5th graders. He correctly answered two more questions than I did. Is it strange that I felt shame and pride simultaneously?)