The MONTH OF MEL: day 10

So, just in case you didn’t know, my 40th birthday is Saturday. So not only are we in the MONTH OF MEL! which is, of course, nestled snugly inside the YEAR OF MEL! but now we’re enjoying the WEEK OF MEL!

It’s all Mel, all the time. Honestly, can you think of anything better? (why yes I can…MEL ON THE BEACH! is that anything like Sex on the Beach? Hmmmm.)

My 5K is this weekend. I’m really nervous and really excited about it. I know I’ll finish it, but will I be able to run the whole way? The furthest I’ve run so far is about 2.15 miles. The 5K is 3.2 miles …people keep telling me the adrenaline will push me through–I guess we’ll see.

The next big event is my tattoo…which is scheduled for March 23. I cannot tell you how excited I am. I’ve dreamed about it twice now. Vivid, amazing dreams.

A side note: Even though I’m an (almost) 40 year old woman, I have to admit that I dread the day Mom sees my tattoo. She knows I’ve been planning to get one, but I think she thinks I’ll never go through with it. And it’s not like it’s going to be hidden. She’ll see it this summer, when I’m in my bathing suit, or wearing tank tops and sundresses. She still hasn’t even acknowledged my nose piercing yet. But boy, let me tell you, the look on her face when she noticed it was priceless. Do we ever outgrow these feelings when it comes to our parents? If she says anything, I’ll just tell her she isn’t allowed to speak of the tattoo during the YEAR OF MEL! So she’ll have to wait til next year to offer me her unsolicited opinion. Sounds fair, don’t you think?

My kids are actually pretty excited about the tattoo…especially Rader. He asked me if he could get one and I reminded him of the house rule…you do anything you want to your body when you turn 18. So go for it. I’ll even take him on his 18th b-day if he wants. Of course, he’ll be going to public school next year, so if he decides he wants to go the route of piercings, I’ll give him leave to pierce the ear. Tongue needs to wait til he’s 18 if he wants that. I don’t really see Rader as the piercing type, but you never know!

March 28 is the official celebration of MEL TURNS 40! As usual, we’re going to Oaklawn and then dining at the Hot Springs Brau Haus (must call and warn them we’re coming…) There is usually a large group of 20 or more that attend. Last year, it got a little ugly and I now refer to it as the Night of the Liquid Hate. There will NOT be a repeat this year. No matter how much Joe Mains threatens me with pouring Patron down my throat. I’ll take a shot…it’s on my 40 at 40 list…but I will NOT repeat last year’s Night of the Liquid Hate (Liquid Hate formerly known as Blackberry Schnapps) *shudder*

And then the MONTH OF MEL! will come to an end. Will I have a chance to complete all the items I’ve been tasked with on my MONTH OF MEL! list? I don’t know! Videos are time consuming. But I’ll give it my all.

What’s going on with you guys? Are you having a great MONTH OF MEL?

The MONTH OF MEL: day 9

So, it seems that the majority of the vintage dress vote is for dress #1. It is the obvious choice in a lot of ways…mainly because it is so obvious. As am I, usually. LOL

I’ll admit that I would love that dress more if it were a different color. I have a black and white vintage-like sundress already. It is a bit different, but still, I’m a color-girl. Which is part of the draw to dresses #2 and #3 for me. I love color. Hell, I am color! 😀

The reality is, dress #1 would fit my current body the best so that is probably the dress I will buy. but here’s a question for you fashionistas out there…can I pull it off with flip-flops? As much as I love a nice pair of heels, I’m not that girl.

We’re up to chapter 3 in the Ruby and Fergus drama. I’ll be posting it later this week. Louisa requested a sex scene. I’m not sure if I’m comfortable writing about my dog’s sex life. How about I close the doghouse door and let you guys just imagine all the biting, growling, and doggy-style rumbling? Is that fair?

Okay, now it’s time to show you the work in progress that is my 40 things to do at 40 list:

  1. Run a 10K (I have a 5K this weekend. Not a 10K but it’s my first race so I should get credit)
  2. Train for and run a half-marathon
  3. Get a tattoo (Scheduled for March 23. I’m so excited, I dreamed about it last night.)
  4. Visit a place I’ve never been before
  5. Get waxed (Legs, pits and um…yeah. I’m gonna go there. All the way there. That will be some blog…)(I’m planning this for April, before I go to Florida where I plan to get loads of sun…)
  6. Meet with a financial planner
  7. See a professional (insert sport (preferably football) here) game
  8. See Staind in concert
  9. See Springsteen in concert (now that I’ve been properly recruited into his cult fanclub. However, I really shouldn’t add this to my list because I’m afraid that my recruiter’s ego can’t handle another stroke) ETA: am worried this won’t happen this year unless he adds some fall dates…will add it to next year’s list if need be.
  10. Lose 2 sizes (1 down, 1 to go)
  11. Buy myself a nice piece of jewelry
  12. Get a passport
  13. Visit NY (yes, this could also be the “visit a place I’ve never been before,” but NY deserves its own line)
  14. Skinny dip in the ocean
  15. Go deep sea fishing
  16. Teach my son how to drive a stick
  17. Take a shot (or 2) of Patron (in the comfort and safety of friends who can handle Mel-on-Tequila. Have never had Patron but have been assured by many that it will change my life. It will definitely change the life of the people who witness this event, I can promise you that.)
  18. Take an unplanned road trip
  19. Take up SLR photography again
  20. Write a short story or novella (never done this, dunno if I can!)
  21. Go camping in the mountains
  22. Plant a new gardenia bush
  23. Steal a summer kiss at sunset
  24. Take a winter vacation somewhere snowy
  25. Face time with each of my out-of-state friends (I started working on this last weekend. Get to continue in Florida)
  26. Try at least 1 type of new (to me) food
  27. Go golfing
  28. Write a letter
  29. Have a book launch party 😀
  30. Grow my hair out for 1 year
  31. Find a Flamingo Pez dispenser or convince Pez to make one.
  32. Schedule speaking events at schools in the fall
  33. Buy AND WEAR the Star Trek Bustierre
  34. Finish this list (for Marcus)

Still need to add a few more items to my list. Don’t worry, I’m thinking!

the MONTH OF MEL: vintage dresses

Okay as part of my to do list for the MONTH OF MEL! I was tasked to shop online for a vintage dress.

I love vintage clothing. I totally love pin-up girl dresses and dresses from the ‘Mad Men’ era. Last year I bought a pin-up girl swimsuit. I love it.

These clothes were designed for curvy women. And just in case you haven’t met me, or seen me, I’m pretty damn curvy.

So I started looking for possible dresses and here are the ones I like the most. What do you think?

The MONTH OF MEL: we’ve set a date

So, I’ve wanted a tattoo for as long as I can remember. And this year, during the MONTH OF MEL! I’m finally going to get one.

March 23 is the big day! I can’t wait!

I should get my sketches next week. Maybe I’ll share the sketches, or maybe I’ll just let you be surprised!

Whoo! The MONTH OF MEL! is awesome!

the MONTH OF MEL: Ruby’s story continued…

Okay, for those of you who don’t know what the MONTH OF MEL! is…first of all, where have you been? Secondly, it’s the Month Formerly Known as March–the month of my birth. I always celebrate my birthday month, so now we just call it the MONTH OF MEL! because it really is all about me.

This year, I’ve tasked you with assigning me with a list of things to do…what can Mel do for you during the MONTH OF MEL? My friend Lee asked me to write a story starring her dogs and mine…Chapter One can be found here.

and the story continues today:

Chapter 2

“Take Hudson and get her back. And this time, make sure the shock collar is set to stun,” Micah growled.

Fergus bit back a whimper. He had hoped she would never be found. He’d wanted her to escape the life of #1 bitch, and she’d managed to for a little while. But Micah wanted his bitch back and what Micah wanted, he got.

“I’ll do it, but I’m going alone.”

He needed to see her. Alone. Just one more time. She might be Princess Peaches to Micah, but she would always be his Ruby Tuesday.

It took six hours to catch up to her. Her new master had packed her up and headed out of town, but Fergus had done his research and he knew they would head for the coast.

Ruby loved the beach. They had always dreamed of running away and starting over in a small beachside doghouse. Just enough room for the two of them.

She was sitting in the wet sand, letting the waves lap at her feet.

“Hello Ruby,” he said, sitting next to her.

She wasn’t surprised to see him.

“I’ve missed you,” she said. “But I can’t go back to that life.”

“I know–I think I’ve got a plan. Do you trust me?”

BTW: Congrats to Lee and Sam and their bouncing baby boy Hopper Augustus! Everyone is happy and healthy and I can’t wait to meet the newest member of the family!

the MONTH OF MEL: a story

So Lee (who’s off having a baby as we speak) tasked me with one million-billion a list of things to do during the MONTH OF MEL! Most of this stuff takes time and planning so it’s been a little difficult to wake up and blog…but today, since she’s off having a baby, I’m going to attempt to write a story starring my dogs (Ruby and Pete) and her farm dogs The Brood. (Lee is a Cocker Spaniel Rescuer…she has 3 dogs of her own, plus whatever semi-cocker spaniel-like beastie they bestow upon her. I can’t keep up with her three ‘real’ dogs, much less the billions of others she has at any given time.)

Ruby was a pug like no other. Solid black and sassy, and maybe just a wee bit spoiled. But spoiled was such an ugly word. She preferred to think of herself as being pampered at very high standards.

Ruby’s “Master” (that always makes her laugh. Like anyone was her master) was a woman named Mel. And she was pretty much perfect for Ruby. Mel knew where Ruby liked to be scratched, fed her on time, and was easily manipulated into playing with her. There was another dog in the house named Pete. He was big and hairy and kinda grumpy, but Ruby didn’t care. Ruby like biting Pete’s lip and making a funny growly noise until Pete would give in and play.

Ruby was the queen and Mel and Pete were her minions. Life was good.

One night, Mel got a call on the Red Phone. Ruby was a little freaked out by this because the Red Phone hadn’t rung once since Ruby had taken over the world come to live in Chez Francis. Mel answered and her eyes went wide: “It’s for you,” she said, handing the red receiver to Ruby.

Worry and panic seized Ruby. Had they found her? Surely not. It had been almost two years. She had started to relax. She was finally living her life as it should be lived…

She took the phone: “Hello.” Her voice was shaky.

She immediately recognized the dog’s voice on the other end. “Hello Princess Peaches. We’ve found you. It’s time for you to come home.”

Just hearing her old name made her want to vomit. She fought the urge to hurl, as the floor spun beneath her feet. Ruby had hoped they had given up. She should’ve known they would never give up…

[To Be Continued…]

Lee–I’m thinking about you today! Good luck birthin’ that nugget! Love you, girl.

the MONTH OF MEL: the list and a limerick

The MONTH OF MEL just got a little more interesting…

My friend Lee (aka Stinkydog) who will be birthin’ a baby any minute now, decided to add to the MONTH OF MEL to do list. Now it’s officially game on.

Here was the list before Lee:

  • Video me singing Duran Duran’s Rio (very dangerous)
  • Hot pink or purple streak in my hair
  • Video of me Zumbaing (Thanks, Ayla–seriously)
  • A short story including some online friends (The Romance Divas)
  • Mel in a prom dress
  • Something involving a clown (I want to know if “murdering the clown” counts as something)

And here are Lee’s additions:

  • go to dim sum and try the chicken feet. (can I just say EW? and really? People eat those? ON FREAKING PURPOSE???)
  • fly a kite
  • buy a cool vintage dress on ebay. (this has been amended because I don’t use ebay anymore thanks to an online hacker)
  • make a music video to your favorite current song–post it on youtube. (I was going to say “make a dance video,” but I believe the zumba may already cover it??)
  • write a short story using my dogs and your dogs as the main characters.
  • carry a digital camera with you at all times and take a picture anytime you see two people kissing.
  • go to a bar you would normally never go to. (like there is such a thing)
  • make me a work of art using only crayons.
  • wear Red every single day for a week.
  • recreate your favorite scene from a movie and take a picture of it for us

Because most of these things take a little prep time, I will start working on my to do list tomorrow. I can’t promise a pic/video everyday, but I do promise to do my best.

And because this is the MONTH OF MEL we should have a MEL POST so I give you a MEL LIMERICK

There once was the MONTH OF MEL
the celebration started off quite well
until she slipped with a meat cleaver
and gave herself a fever
and the only cure was more COWBELL!

we interrupt the MONTH OF MEL

You people are harsh. Am I the only one who didn’t have a problem with The Bachelor last night?

For those of you who don’t know what happened, Jason chose one chick (Melissa) but by the time the “After the Rose” ceremony was taped (6 weeks later), he’d realized he’d made a mistake. He still had feelings for Molly (the other chick).

How many times have we watched this show where the couple pretends to be happy and together on “After the Rose” but two weeks later we’d read they’d broken up?

I have long since said this show is a recipe for disaster. We watch it like we watch for carnage after a train wreck. One man (or woman) dating 25 people. Unrealistic to say the least. Then when it gets down to the final 3, they’re sent on these fantasy dates. Unless you just couldn’t stand the person you’re with, it would be damn near impossible not to have some feelings for them. Real feelings. We’re only human after all.

Is it really unrealistic to believe that one guy could develop real feelings for more than one girl? And then because you’re in this controlled but fairytale-like environment, you have to choose between them. RIGHT NOW. Not tomorrow. Not after you date in real life. BUT RIGHT FREAKING NOW! and wow, what a decision. You have strong feelings for both women and you want so much to make the “RIGHT” choice, but–but–but

It’s impossible.

I wouldn’t do this show to save my life. The relationships rarely work out after it’s all over…How many are still together after all the shows? 3? Maybe???

Maria Geraci
thinks it was all staged. I disagree. I think Jason realized about 2 days after it was all over that he fucked up. That he couldn’t get Molly out of his mind. That wow, he could keep on with Melissa but wouldn’t that just be wrong? (well, sure, but apparently that’s okay with all you people out there. Y’all don’t seem to have a problem with them faking their way through the After the Rose as long as you get your ‘fake’ HEA.)

As John Stossel would say, “Give me a break.” I actually appreciate his honesty. Molly was shocked. She kept looking over at Chris like, “Am I being punked?” I can only imagine what was going through her mind. Melissa wasn’t shocked. She knew. There is no way you won’t convince me that she and Jason didn’t discuss this prior to the show. And even if they didn’t discuss it, she knew. He’d pulled away, she could sense it. Maybe she was upset he officially ended it on the show ‘as per his contract’ or whatever, but she still knew.

All you judgey-mcjudgies out there? Get over it. Seriously. He was probably the most honest of all of the bachelors by ending things on the show and telling Molly how he felt. I guarantee you there were a couple of others who wished they’d done the same. I just don’t understand how it would’ve been better if he’d just faked his way the After show like 90% of the others. I don’t understand at all.

You go, Jason. Hope y’all are happy. You better believe I’ll be watching the After the After show tonight. I can’t get enough of this human carnage.

The MONTH OF MEL begins today

Technically, it began at midnight Saturday night, and I rang in the month very appropriately.

I pulled an all-nighter. I don’t remember the last time I did that…but I’ll tell you it took me all day yesterday to recover. Wow. I’m not as young and agile as I used to be.

A high school classmate got married Saturday afternoon and a bunch of old friends came into town for the wedding. Friday night we went to Cajun’s and I got smart. I drank very little, and we left before midnight. I could see where the party was headed and I knew I was going out Saturday night as well, so I was a very smart girl and left.

But Saturday night? I partied like it was the end of an era.

I’m a lucky girl. I’ve maintained a ton of relationships from high school. We don’t get together often, but when we do–wow. Amazing. These people are very important to me and I’m really blessed to have them in my life still. Let me tell you though–it’s good that we only do this every once in a while, because I’m getting too old for all-nighters.

Some pics of the weekend:






I really am a very lucky girl to have friends like these still in my life.

are you ready?

For the

MONTH OF MEL!?

the month formerly known as March

Starting Sunday, we will celebrate the MONTH OF MEL! in style. So start thinking about what you would like to see me do…My Thursday Girls gave me a few suggestions over drinks yesterday evening. Most of them were NOT PG-13 though. Trust me when I tell you, Wax on; Wax off will never have the same meaning again.

The list of things you’d like to see so far:

Video me singing Duran Duran’s Rio (very dangerous)
Hot pink or purple streak in my hair
Video of me Zumbaing (Thanks, Ayla–seriously)
A short story including some online friends (The Romance Divas)

Then last night my Thursday Girls suggested:

Mel in a prom dress
Something involving a clown (I want to know if “murdering the clown” counts as something)

So, you got anything you want to add? I’m taking requests and if it can be done (ie I have the money to do it, am not afraid of it (see clown), or it’s not rated R or X) then I’ll do it. I will humiliate myself for you, dear blog readers.

Because this is the MONTH OF MEL! and it needs to be celebrated in style!

Today is gonna be a great day. I’m hanging out with Jen, my bff from high school. We’re getting pedicures, doing a little shopping (I have a Vicky’s Secret Gift Cert I’ve been waiting to use…) and we’re headed to 7th Street Tattoos to meet with Jud about my sooper sekrit tattoo design. It’s gonna be awesome. And don’t worry, there will definitely be a tattoo day feature on my blog once I have it!

What’s on your agenda this Friday?