are you in, or are you out?

Today is the first day of registration for the Little Rock Marathon which is scheduled for March 2, 2014. (unless you do the 5K which is March 1). I’m either going to do the 10K or the Half…I haven’t decided which, yet. The half-marathon is such an accomplishment! I never felt better (or worse) after I finished it a couple of years ago. But…I kind of want to do the 10K because, A: I’ve never done one before and B: I won’t be quite so freaking exhausted by the time it’s over, therefore I can fully enjoy the afterparty without drinking ALL THE BEER to numb the pain.

TEAM MELF at the starting line

TEAM MELF at the starting line

So, do you want to join TEAM MELF 2014?

Are you in? or Are you out?

Speaking of Project Runway… <–see what I did there?

I’ve had the most fun watching this season so far. OMG. Earth-Conscience Elf Boy is such a trip. He’s horrid! and  they haven’t let him go yet because I guess he makes for good TV. My favorite design didn’t make it to the top 3, but my other 3 favorites, did. And I liked the winning look a lot…El Jefe thought it had a weird “boob” thing going on. He liked Cry Baby Sander’s design the best. And it was sex-on-a-stick, but I didn’t think it would win.

El Jefe's favorite

El Jefe’s favorite

Melf's favorite

Melf’s favorite

Winner with the "weird boob thing" (I loved this dress.)

Winner with the “weird boob thing” (I loved this dress.)

Are you watching this season? I’m not watching on the night it airs, I’m catching up later…but I’m totally into the season. I just hope Earth-Conscience Elf Boy goes home soon. I mean, seriously? You’re on Project Runway. Don’t dig through trash bags to design a dress to go with Millions of Dollars worth of Diamonds. Also, don’t make the dress look like the model is wearing it backwards. Ugh.

Earth-Conscience Elf Boy needs help...

Earth-Conscience Elf Boy needs help…

It’s that time again!

So while everyone was wasting their time, watching the Alabama game…(seriously, did anyone think that Notre Dame even stood a chance?) I was watching The Bachelor. And my recap is posted for your reading pleasure.

(BTW, I did not root for Alabama. I don’t like them and I can’T root for them just because they’re SEC. I also don’t like Notre Dame, so I didn’t root for anyone. Well, that’s not true. I sorta rooted for a meteor to fall from the sky and land on the stadium…)

Looks like this season of Bachelor is going to be full of more insecure crazy bitches. It’s like they’ve never watched the show before. Where do they find these women?

I’m sorry girls, but being insecure isn’t sexy. Sure, we all have those moments, but when you’re threatened by another woman because they got the first rose, or they got a hug, or they have a nicer rack than you, then all you’re doing is making yourself look sad. ON NATIONAL TV. And your snide, petty, catty remarks, even under your breath, show who you really are…and now we all know.

Of course, it would make for boring TV if they didn’t have the crazies…and let’s face it, real life is full of crazies, too…so I suppose they fit on “Reality TV”.

I went to the gym yesterday. I felt great when finished. I’m heading at lunch again today. I am happy to report that 5 weeks off of bootycamp did not hurt me too badly.

You know, I never worry that much about my weight. Sure, I wanna lose weight so I can be healthier, but I don’t worry about my size.  Sexy is a state of mind. It’s an attitude. And honey, I’m a force to be reckoned with! Yesterday, I was heading back to my office from the gym and a man stopped me to tell me that he always loves seeing me on campus. He said “Your hair catches my eye, but your beautiful smile is what I enjoy seeing the most.” And then he called me lovely. AND I WAS IN GYM CLOTHES AND SWEATING.

Trust me. I didn’t stop smiling all day after that. Feeling good about yourself is always good, but hearing it…especially from an unexpected source like that, is the bombdiggity.

Smile! It keeps you young and makes you feel beautiful!

2013: Day the 3rd

I kinda like this and will work on applying it to my life. Especially #5. Haha. I think WAY too much. I need medication to help me think less. I think the one I’ve heard the most about is called cannabis, sadly it’s not legal here. hahahaha

How was your New Year? Mine was absolutely wonderful. There was lots of laughter, champagne, and more laughter. My kid and my Domestic Partner crack me up. (yes, I’ve decided to call Jefe my DP from now on. It’s awesome.)

We had a FRINGE marathon New Year’s Day. I got to start the show from the beginning and now I’m hooked. Two things I’ve taken from this show that are awesome:

“Excellent! Now let’s go make some LSD!”

“Peter. This is me, Walter Bishop. Your father.”

From now on when I call Jefe, this is how it’s gonna go. “Jeffery. This is me, Melissa Francis. Your domestic partner.”

I may have to call him every single day just to say that. And of course, when the conversation is over, I will be sure to mention making LSD.

Wow. I’ve mentioned 2 illegal drugs in this blog…that has to be a first. Whatever will you think of me? What do I care? It’s funny.

Ian is having his wisdom teeth removed today, so I’ll be at home this afternoon to take care of him. My mother-in-law had surgery last week, and I’m taking her and Poppy some soup at lunch. I gotta take care of the people I love, doncha know?

Okay folks, any resolutions this year? Any revolutions this year? Or revelations?

*chin fist* tell me about them…

things i’ve learned being at home all week

  • Kathie Lee and Hoda make my brain hurt. DO.NOT.WANT.
  • Ditto for Rachael Ray.
  • I can totally make organic everything, yummy food, plan an imaginary wedding, decorate my imaginary house, and go on a fantasy vacation thanks to a couple of hours spent staring at Pinterest.
  • I despise everything Mitt Romney stands for and it’s going to be hard to keep my mouth shut. And I probably won’t but I’ll try to only use my Tumblr account to spout off about his moronic, hypocritical politics. The ONLY good thing about this election year is that Sarah Palin isn’t involved. Speaking of morons…/political ranting
  • I love talking to El Jefe about everything from plotting my stories to spending our lottery winnings. 
  • I wish I could go to work in my pajamas.
  • I used to find Daniel Tosh funny but after his recent “jokes” about rape, I’ve changed my mind. Rape isn’t funny, kid. Grow up.
  • Viacom needs to suck it up and give DirecTV customers access to Comedy Central again. This pissing contest is for the birds.  
  • Nancy Grace is a bitch. She has no compassion.
  • Melinda Gates is awesome.
  • Aaron Sorkin has done it again. The Newsroom is one of the best shows on TV right now.
  • I miss my kids even though I’ve been sickly all week. I even miss Rader’s non-stop talking. 

the best news is…

“The best news is we got 40 frogs in a sack!”

This is a direct quote from my new favorite show, Duck Dynasty.

40 frogs in a sack is the new awesome. How have I missed this show? Holy Crap on a Cracker the awesome is off the charts!

Speaking of awesome, my Bachelorette recap is up over at Hey Don’t Judge Me. Let me just tell you, the Douchebaggery does not disappoint. Also there were Muppets on this episode. Like really.

You should pop over there, check it out, make a comment or two, and tell me I’m as awesome as 40 frogs in a sack.

I kinda wanna be a part of their family.

updates of the this and that variety

Hey Don’t Judge Me business:

  • My Bachelor Recap is live (or as I like to call it, How to Be a Proper Ho)
  • Stoney’s Glee, Hoarders, and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps are up (SouthLAnd to come later today)
  • Other recaps you should be reading: Merlin, Spartacus, Top Chef; Texas and many, many more!
  • If you are checking out Hey Don’t Judge Me and reading the content, please take a moment to “Like” us or Google 1+ us, etc. It helps.
  • And finally, we are now offering advertising on the site. My friend Maria Geraci just purchased an ad (for her upcoming 4th novel A Girl Like You), and you can, too! (not for her book, obviously, though that is very nice of you to offer) We have very cheap introductory rates for the next two months, so if you want in on advertising to 600K hits a month….contact Laura at heydontjudgeme[at]gmail[dot]com. 


  • Things and stuff are a happening this week, so I’ll probably not be around much
  • Head to Toe by Lisa, Lisa and Cult Jam came on the radio this morning and I’ve been dancing like a white girl ever since.
  • I suddenly want to wear blue eye shadow and tease my bangs. Has anyone seen my Spuds MacKenzie shirt?
  • If you ever really want a single Margarita, but don’t feel like making it yourself or sitting in a restaurant…(aka, getting out of your stretchy pants) I highly recommend the Daily’s Frozen Pouches. Both Pomegranate and Lime are tasty. If you prefer on the rocks style, then you can’t go wrong with Mike’s
  • Today is Wednesday which is my longest day of the week. But it should be a good one, and that makes me happy.
  • The daffodils are confused because it has been such a warm January. They are popping up all over the place and the Crocus have even started to bloom. They want it to be spring already. So do I…

even more.

Yesterday, I discovered a show that is so full of crazy, I seriously think I lost a piece of my soul for watching it.

And I blame Robyn.

Toddlers and Tiaras. WTF is this holy hell of nuttiness? Who does this to children? ON PURPOSE? And how on earth can they think they’re not abusive? (They spray tanned a 23 month old AND called her arms fat. Dear Lord.)

Wow. Just. Wow.

And now Jenn is begging me to watch Dance Moms and Mob Wives, too.  I just don’t know if I’m ready to lose the rest of my soul to that side of reality tv. Save me while there’s some good left in me.

And for your open-mouthed viewing “pleasure” I give you Alana– “A dolla makes me holla, honey-boo-boo!”  

break over.

Trinity likes wearing my Sock Monkey hat. As she should. So Thanksgiving was nice. The food was yummy and the drama was minimal. (IT IS A MIRACLE!) Check it out. I had some Thanksgiving Hammock Time…

Not pictured: Red Wine.

I didn’t have the boys this Turkey Day, so at their request on Wednesday night, we had breakfast for dinner as our Thanksgiving celebration. It was very tasty, if I do say so myself.

Friday, El Jefe and I headed to Birdrunner’s house to watch the game. I’m sorry our hogs lost, but the fact that the only two teams that beat them were both #1 at the time, makes me quite proud to be a Razorback.

Saturday it RAINED ALL THE RAIN. And I stayed inside and did ALL THE ORGANIZING EVER. And laundry.El Jefe and I also embarked on a Dollhouse marathon…I had only seen 3 of the episodes when it originally aired. OMG that show is amazing.

Sunday, El Jefe and I continued the Dollhouse marathon instead of the other stuffs we had planned to do. We seriously didn’t move from the big couch (aka the bed) and we watched all of season 2 until it was over.

And then we had ALL THE SADS because that show was amazing. Why do all the good shows get cancelled?

Hope your Thanksgiving weekend was lovely.



This show is just amazing. I can’t even begin to express how much I appreciate the character development and the complex nature of the stories.

If you are watching then you need to check out these hysterical reviews that my friend Stoney writes. (Also, you can read them if you’re not watching because they are so well written, it’s truly like you’re watching the show while reading.)

Episode 1.o1
Episode 1.02
Episode 1.03
Episode 1.04

Episode 1.05
Episode 1.06

My favorite storyline right now is the developing romance between the Dothraki leader Khal Drogo and his young wife Daenerys Targaryen. At first I thought she was going to be another whiny, wimpy girl who I would want to beat with a skillet to stop her eyes from their incessant leaking. But no. She’s turning into quite the strong woman. Writers should be watching this show for her character development alone. They do it right. Period.

In other FANtastic news…I got a fabulous Fan letter today and my favorite part was where she said I’m her hero because my books make her want to read more books.

Love. Love. Love. 1000 times Love.

Get Me to the GEEK

Guys. GUYS! Are you watching Game of Thrones on HBO? If not, then you need to be. And if you don’t have HBO, now’s the time you suck it up and pay for it.

Wanna read the best recap of the show ever? My friend Stoney does a bang up job getting her Geek on with her D&D references, while throwing in some Ren and Stimpy love. (and really, who doesn’t want a Justice Log now?) This show is really fantastic if you’re a fantasy lover or a wanna be. (I’m a nerd, not a geek, but I’m totally working on my GeekCred by dating an UberGeek and by giving birth to an UberGeekWannaBe.)

There are also recaps other fabu stuff like Big Love, Southland, Batman: Year One, Robin: Year One and Snooki’s book. 🙂 Check out her site at Hey Don’t Judge Me! She’s +10 in Awesome.