Tag Archives: goofy

i’ve been a very good girl…

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I know, you’re shocked. How can a woman who has a Naughty River be a very good girl? Seems impossible, I know. But it must be true because the gods don’t answer the prayers of bad girls.

And today, my prayers were answered. (no, I didn’t win the lottery. Obviously, I haven’t been that good)

Today, the rain came and my heart did a little dance and sang a little song.

Am I happy for my flowers? Well, yes, that’s the cherry on top of my happy sundae, but it’s not the three scoops of ice cream.

I’m happy the rain came because I was being guilted into playing softball tonight.

By my husband.

Yes, he’s a bad boy, using the guilt card on me…she who rarely feels guilt. But oh, when it comes to The Fishdog and my loyalties, he knows how to twist the knife. He may be a goofy SOB, but when he wants to, he can really turn on the charm…

You see, I haven’t played softball in 3 years. A long time ago, I was a very good player. Today, I am a pretty good player with a lot of rust.

I stopped playing for the company team a few years back because I got sick of being at the fields 4 nights a week. Our summers were shot and it got to the point that the game I loved was becoming the game I loathed.

I made the mistake this year of telling Fishdog that I would be his backup-back-up-back-up-back-up player for this seasib. So he added me to the roster…and wouldn’t you know it, 4 girls were traveling for work and 1 had the stomach bug. My time had come to step up to the plate…so to speak.

And I really, really, really didn’t want to.

I silently prayed for rain. I did a couple of rain dances in the bathroom. I left the windows on my car down. I was contemplating washing my car when a rumble of thunder tickled my ear.

Could it be?

Could I really be so lucky?

Another roll of thunder tumbled through the sky and my heart began to patter to the beat of my rain-dancing feet. The sky turned into a roiling shade of gray. Lightning flashed.

But no rain came.

Or so I thought…

Apparently a flood hit where the softball fields are located and they canceled the games for tonight.

See, I told you. Obviously, I’ve been a very, very good girl and Fishdog got lucky that I didn’t have to miss LOST to go out to battle the chiggers and mosquitoes in the world softball.

intellectual fat

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I’m not exactly sure what intellectual fat is, but apparently my youngest son has it. He said it’s the stuff right under his eyes.

Intellectual fat sounds pretty special. I decided right then and there if I was gonna be fat, I should most definitely be intellectually fat.

What purpose does intellectual fat serve?

Let’s explore.

First off, if intellectual fat is only located beneath your eyes, then I think its purpose is obvious.  According to Fishdog, skinny people don’t have intellectual fat. That’s what they get for being skinny. So when they age, they get wrinkled. Those of us intellectually fat folks will not wrinkle and therefore we will look better than the skinnies. Intellectually fat folks age like fine wine. Fishdog says they all just need to eat a sandwich so they can get curvy like his hot mama. (or his hot TWFKAM).

Now, if intellectual fat can be located in other spots, then we must investigate.

Consider the possibility that intellectual fat could be located around the brain. Does that serve as a natural helmet for those who refuse to wear one? Or does it feed the brain to make intellectually superior people? I’m gonna go with #2 because frankly, people who refuse to wear a helmet can’t possibly have any intellectual fat anywhere in their system.

If intellectual fat is around the ass, then is that really very intellectual? What purpose does the intellectually fat ass serve? I suspect that’s where mine has landed–maybe if I sit on it a while, the reason will come to me.