feeling goofy

I’m extremely excited about date night tonight! YAY!

Here’s my favorite baseball picture that I took in June 2010. The storm came and went and we got to watch the game pretty much all by ourselves!

When I was getting dressed this morning, my first thought as I was harnessing up the girls was “Sometimes wearing a bra crushes my soul.” And of course, that became my FB status. I told you I was feeling goofy.

Anyway, my fellow large-breasted women concur with my feelings. My soul hurts today. I am harnessed. I feel the need for FREEDOM!

Last night, the boys and I had such a good time just hanging out. I love my kids. I love it especially when they try to guilt me into giving them money. Hahahahaha. As if I ever feel guilt. Seriously. I mean, hahahaha, as if I ever have any money to give them. Seriously. They’re such funny boys and Mondays and Wednesdays at The Compound are always full of extra laughter.

Oh, I just want to give you guys fair warning, I’m planning to win both lotteries this week. Soon, I shall be blogging from our private island: Isla de MelJefe. There will be lots of gratuitous beach photos and I will be sure to include many of my personal cabana boys. (And Jefe’s cabana babe, for the men-folk.)

Also, we are thinking about adding ducks to the Compound! I will keep y’all posted. It all depends on winning the lottery and when we decide to move. Stay tuned!

Okay. I guess that’s all I got today. If you’re having a bad day, just remember: wine helps. If you’re always having a bad day, just remember: medication and therapy helps. If you can’t look at this picture without smiling, there is no hope for you.

And if this picture doesn’t make you LOL and possibly even snort, then I don’t even want to know you.

mea culpa, michael hauge


I did a bad, bad thing.

I misspelled my new BFF’s name in my former posts. What kind of BFF does that make me?

Michael Hauge (nice ass) is allowing me to make it up to him. He is a much better BFF than I. (Even if he is a pushover for any broad with a boa….) Who can blame him, though? I’ve touted the magic of the feather boa for as long as I can remember.

If you are a writer and you haven’t checked out his nice ass books because you think they are for screen writers only, then you’re missing out.

So to wrap up the groveling. I’m a tart with a boa and I misspelled his name. He writes awesome books and has a great ass sense of humor.

How’s that for an apology?

i’ve been a very good girl…

I know, you’re shocked. How can a woman who has a Naughty River be a very good girl? Seems impossible, I know. But it must be true because the gods don’t answer the prayers of bad girls.

And today, my prayers were answered. (no, I didn’t win the lottery. Obviously, I haven’t been that good)

Today, the rain came and my heart did a little dance and sang a little song.

Am I happy for my flowers? Well, yes, that’s the cherry on top of my happy sundae, but it’s not the three scoops of ice cream.

I’m happy the rain came because I was being guilted into playing softball tonight.

By my husband.

Yes, he’s a bad boy, using the guilt card on me…she who rarely feels guilt. But oh, when it comes to The Fishdog and my loyalties, he knows how to twist the knife.

You see, I haven’t played softball in 3 years. A long time ago, I was a very good player. Today, I am a pretty good player with a lot of rust.

I stopped playing for the company team a few years back because I got sick of being at the fields 4 nights a week. Our summers were shot and it got to the point that the game I loved was becoming the game I loathed.

I made the mistake this year of telling Fishdog that I would be his backup-back-up-back-up-back-up player for this seasib. So he added me to the roster…and wouldn’t you know it, 4 girls were traveling for work and 1 had the stomach bug. My time had come to step up to the plate…so to speak.

And I really, really, really didn’t want to.

I silently prayed for rain. I did a couple of rain dances in the bathroom. I left the windows on my car down. I was contemplating washing my car when a rumble of thunder tickled my ear.

Could it be?

Could I really be so lucky?

Another roll of thunder tumbled through the sky and my heart began to patter to the beat of my rain-dancing feet. The sky turned into a roiling shade of gray. Lightning flashed.

But no rain came.

Or so I thought…

Apparently a flood hit where the softball fields are located and they canceled the games for tonight.

See, I told you. Obviously, I’ve been a very, very good girl and Fishdog got lucky that I didn’t have to miss LOST to go out to battle the chiggers and mosquitoes in the world softball.

i’ve been a very good girl…

I know, you’re shocked. How can a woman who has a Naughty River be a very good girl? Seems impossible, I know. But it must be true because the gods don’t answer the prayers of bad girls.

And today, my prayers were answered. (no, I didn’t win the lottery. Obviously, I haven’t been that good)

Today, the rain came and my heart did a little dance and sang a little song.

Am I happy for my flowers? Well, yes, that’s the cherry on top of my happy sundae, but it’s not the three scoops of ice cream.

I’m happy the rain came because I was being guilted into playing softball tonight.

By my husband.

Yes, he’s a bad boy, using the guilt card on me…she who rarely feels guilt. But oh, when it comes to The Fishdog and my loyalties, he knows how to twist the knife. He may be a goofy SOB, but when he wants to, he can really turn on the charm…

You see, I haven’t played softball in 3 years. A long time ago, I was a very good player. Today, I am a pretty good player with a lot of rust.

I stopped playing for the company team a few years back because I got sick of being at the fields 4 nights a week. Our summers were shot and it got to the point that the game I loved was becoming the game I loathed.

I made the mistake this year of telling Fishdog that I would be his backup-back-up-back-up-back-up player for this seasib. So he added me to the roster…and wouldn’t you know it, 4 girls were traveling for work and 1 had the stomach bug. My time had come to step up to the plate…so to speak.

And I really, really, really didn’t want to.

I silently prayed for rain. I did a couple of rain dances in the bathroom. I left the windows on my car down. I was contemplating washing my car when a rumble of thunder tickled my ear.

Could it be?

Could I really be so lucky?

Another roll of thunder tumbled through the sky and my heart began to patter to the beat of my rain-dancing feet. The sky turned into a roiling shade of gray. Lightning flashed.

But no rain came.

Or so I thought…

Apparently a flood hit where the softball fields are located and they canceled the games for tonight.

See, I told you. Obviously, I’ve been a very, very good girl and Fishdog got lucky that I didn’t have to miss LOST to go out to battle the chiggers and mosquitoes in the world softball.