So I was digging around in an old box I found in the attic last night. I was looking for an old photo album and what I found was a treasure chest of awesome.
Every note written to me by my friends and boyfriends from 9th grade on. Amazing. Wow. Seriously, Amazing.
I found pictures that were better left buried. And I found my memory book from my Senior Year. hehe. Some memories.
I also found a notebook my Drama teacher made us keep. It was filled with questions we had to answer, and letters we wrote to ourselves. We were to seal the notebook, keep it between our mattresses and then in 10 years, read it.
Well, I read it 10 years after high school. And I read it again last night. Wow. Seriously. I was obsessed with my weight! Totally freaking obsessed! I might’ve weighed 135 lbs soaking wet, but in my mind I was a total cow.
That makes me sad. Especially now, as I am working so hard to undo years of self-destructive eating habits and thoughts. I said the other day that my dad put me on a diet in junior high because I had hips and I had pretty much been on a diet ever since. Well, that was not an exaggeration. Again. that makes me really sad.
We need to teach girls to be healthy but to embrace their bodies for what they are and to love themselves for who they are. I was so insecure. I was always being compared to another girl and that’s the goal I set for myself. To have a body like her. To look like her. To be like her. Too bad nobody took the time to say, “Wrong focus. Be yourself and enjoy it.” I was well into adulthood before that dawned on me.
Another thing that hasn’t changed since 1987 according to this notebook? Two things I liked most about myself were my smile and my personality.
From the Universe today:
Are you so sure it’s not the dancer who creates the music she moves to? Or the painter who manifests the mountains he captures? Or the tycoon who builds the empire before there’s a dime?
Whatever you want, Melissa, let it exist first in your mind, imagine every nuance and consideration, let the walls have substance, the halls have depth, and the money have weight in the palm of your hand, and then all that’s necessary to bring it to pass will be drawn to you.
Sneaky, clever, foxy, wry –
I’ll be at work. Y’all have a good one!