Tag Archives: feelings

Miscellany

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Check out my view from the convertible this morning as I was being chauffeured into town this morning.

photo(129) That’s right! Sunrise in the front…moon in the back. Kinda cool, huh?

On the drive in, Rader and I were just chatting it up like we always do, and I told him about a friend of mine posting this link to my FB page and telling me that when she read the article she thought of me because “you are one of the most “human” people I know! You’re a great role model for living authentically!” THIS is the biggest compliment I have ever been given and it truly touched me. (and not even in the naughty, below the belt way…which has always been my favorite touching up until now.) I think this is what people sometimes refer to as “feelings.” So foreign, yet so nice…

Anyway, I told Rader this story and he said “You know mom, you may not be ‘funky fresh’ but you don’t front and that’s cool.”

I am now striving to achieve level funky fresh.

In other news, 3 years ago this week, El Jefe and I were planning our first date…which actually took place on September 10, 2010. Check out our very first picture together…

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Aw. Aren’t we adorable? Yes. Yes we are.

It’s funny when I think back to those days. I had known El Jefe for 10 years. We had worked together and lived next door to each other…and we had always been friends. He always made me laugh. I was floored when he contacted me. I thought “Is he flirting? No way.”  And then… YES WAY. OMG. I was so nervous. I had gone out with a few guys since my separation, but no one I was really into. Mostly they were just young and dumb and full of ego. (AHEM. Yes. Ego.) (or multiple personalities. I wish I was joking…) Anyway, I’ve been feeling nostalgic this week. We are a good fit. We are happy. I am happy. And I am so glad I took a chance and started a new chapter in my life with a man that is so smart and funny and now I can call him ALL MINE.  He’s a pretty lucky guy, too, me being so awesome and all…

And his response to that would be:

3rrcpgIf you watch Sons of Anarchy…He’s my Opie.

Sure, Jax is the “hot one” but Opie is the one that I want. Big and burly on the outside, soft like a kitteh on the inside. Shhhhh. Don’t tell El Jefe I said that. It sounds like he may have the feelz. He refuses to acknowledge he feels the feelz. 🙂

but he totally does.

Happy Thursday, Bitches! I’m gonna shine bright like a diamond today. Put your shades on!

Made it home.

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We had an unexpected death in the family, so El Jefe and I headed off to Georgia for a few days of sadness and celebration.

I enjoyed meeting new members of his family. There were some laughter and good times, despite the very sad circumstances.

I also got to spend some quality time with these fellows every morning…

We returned last night…spent an hour stuck in traffic thanks to construction and morons who can’t drive. Sally Sparkle proved herself to be an excellent road trip car. I foresee more trips for much more fun reasons in the future.

Apparently we’re supposed to get “snow and sleet” today. So far, it’s just cold and rainy, though my favorite local weatherman has promised:

“Team coverage of the approaching winter storm on Channel 7 News Midday Arkansas starting at 11:30 #arwx” 

By golly, if Todd Yakoubian says it’s a ‘winter storm’, I’m gonna go buy my bread and booze!

Okay, maybe not. It’s supposed be almost 50 degrees tomorrow. It’s not like this is a real winter storm. Hmph.

Happy Wine Wednesday!

places to go; people to see

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Hoping to arrive in Oxford today just in time for Happy Hour. It will be the happiest hour of all if I get to see you there! Yes you. And even YOU! (sorry…not you though…)

Rader’s BFF still lives there and they haven’t had a chance to nerd out in a while, so after football practice this morning, we’re heading over.

Speaking of football…Check my monkey boy out. Half pads practice this morning. Aw. Why am I being all squishy about this?

OMG. I do have a heart. Shhhhhh. Don’t go spreading those ugly rumors that I’m sentimental and soft. I like it when people think I have no soul. Now, where’s my tissue. I’ve got something watery in my eye.

bear with me while I get a little philosophical

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Or you could BARE with me and take your clothes off…

A friend of mine posted this link on Facebook yesterday and it really spoke to me. It sums up exactly what I’ve been trying to do for the past few years of my life. I’ve realized lately that I’ve been letting a lot of negative people and actions take over my generally happy disposition and I’m working hard to rectify that.

Happiness is very much a state of mind (unless there is an underlying medical reason involved. And if that is the case, please don’t ignore it, or self-medicate it, or just hope it will pass. Depression and bipolar disorder, etc. are not things you hope will go away. They can affect every part of your life and there is no shame in seeking help. /mothering moment). Anyway, as I was saying, happiness is often a choice. You can choose to dwell on the crap in your life that is weighing you down or you can choose to appreciate the good you have. You can let life happen to you or you can make life happen.

I made a list yesterday, and I’m not kidding myself that everything is perfect, like unicorns farting sparkles, sunshine and butterflies, or Adam Levine naked cooking me dinner…but when I look at the good I have and compare it to the negative, I’m winning.

That’s right, Charlie Sheen. WINNING. (don’t reenact scenes from Platoon with Charlie Sheen)

Here are a few of the list of 15 items from the article that I’ve been really working on.

1. LOVE vs. FEAR. Well, I can tell you for sure that those people who are really happy, FEAR less and LOVE a lot more. They see each moment, each challenge, each person as an opportunity to discover more about themselves and the world around them.

Of course there are things I’m afraid of in life, but I will tell you, I’m not afraid of being hurt. Sure it sucks, but each painful experience I’ve had, no matter how devastating it was to me at the time, has made me stronger. I try to love with all I have and if that love/friendship is rejected, it will not reflect on me or my lack of giving or trying.

3. FORGIVENESS vs. UNFORGIVENESS. Really happy people know that it’s not healthy to hold on to anger. They choose to FORGIVE and FORGET, understanding that FORGIVENESS is  a gift they give to themselves first and foremost.

I actually forgive more than I should, sometimes. However, it is sometimes hard for me to let go and forget. This is something I’ve been struggling with for years and have started really focusing on truly forgiving and letting go.

4. TRUST vs. DOUBT. They trust themselves and they trust the people around them. No matter if they talk to the cleaning lady or the C.E.O. of a multi billion company, somehow they always seem make the person they are interacting with feel like there is something unique and special about them.

They understand that beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies, and because of that, they make sure to treat everybody with love, dignity and respect, making no distinctions between age, sex, social status, color, religion or race. These are the great men that Mark Twain was talking about: “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” Mark Twain

I am a very trusting person and I’m proud that I surround myself with people I can trust. The problem is, when my trust is broken, I struggle with the forgive and forget part….

 12. GRATITUDE vs. INGRATITUDE. No no matter where they look, no matter where they are or with who, they have this capacity of seeing beauty where most of us would only see ugliness, opportunities, where most of us would only see struggles, abundance where most of us would only see lack and they express their gratitude for them all.

If everyone focused on being grateful for what they have, we’d all be happier. Hence my list making…and damn, I have no reason to be ungrateful. I’m a very lucky woman.

Okay, sorry for being all serious and stuff. I’m just really tired of negativity and I’m really focusing on fixing my attitude. I can only be responsible for my outlook on life. I know that no matter what happens to me, I’ll be okay. I want to put good out into the world so good will come back to me. It works. Everyone should try it!

Now for some less serious stuff, I posted some fun things on Pinterest yesterday. You know I’m not that active there, but when I am, I always find good stuff! hah!

Also, check out the most pitiful pug known to man. Oh my, Ruby. Why so sad?

R.I.P Baby Bear

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I’m so glad the boys and I got a chance to love you. You’ll be missed. 15 years is a good long life, and I hope you enjoy your forever spot underneath the shade tree. Chicken Nugget will be sure to visit often and keep you company.


ETA: for those who don’t know, Baby Bear was El Jefe’s puppy for 15 years. He was a full-sized lab on little-bitty legs and he loved kids, cats, and El Jefe. He also loved chicken treats and after the move, loved the Compound.

finding your way

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When I was 18, I wanted to become an actress. I wanted to follow in Meg Ryan’s footsteps and go to NY first and land a role on a Soap Opera, where I could kiss all those hot actors (of course, I would’ve probably been cast as the maid LOL), get famous for being so cute and land a great movie role.

I daydreamed that a lot, but I didn’t go for it because I was too scared. As oppositional as I was (okay, still am) in nature, hearing my mother explain to me in practical terms why it was a bad idea and I would never find the success I was looking for seeped into my brain. I went to college and got a job delivering pizzas instead. (Still one of my favorite all time jobs to this day.)

It took me a long time to find my way to writing. I worked in Daycare for 10 years off and on, thinking one day I would become a teacher. I managed a Bath and Body works for a couple of years, I was a fraud analyst at a telecommunications company where I caught bad guys who cloned phones (this is before digital) I’ve served enough food and drink as a waitress to feed a 3rd world country. We moved to Oxford and I fell into a job doing HR and Travel, and that eventually led me to a job in Accounting. (Yes, accounting. Stop laughing. Seriously. Stop.)

By the time we moved to Oxford, I was writing. I had started 2 books, both that should and will remain unfinished. Very. Bad. Stuff. But writing them gave me the fever. Because of the way I write, I see the books as movies, so I’m kinda getting my acting fix. And I get to daydream all day. Which I’ve always done anyway. Bonus!

This was the first time in my life that I pursued something I wanted to do. On my own–with no real idea if I would be successful. Fishdog would work long hours and I would write after the kids were in bed. I wrote on the weekends a lot. It became a passion. I got better at it. And in 2007 I sold my first book. (BITE ME! hits the shelves Oct. 2009. Don’t forget!)

It took me a long time to find my path. I was 29 years old when I started writing. I have no idea if I should’ve gone to NY and pursued my acting career. Maybe my insecurities then were in place to keep me searching until I could find my confidence and find my path. I’m glad I finally did. If you haven’t found yours yet, the good news is, it’s never too late to start looking.

BTW: The Universe was deep again today:

Melissa, nothing is ever lost. Not time; for what seems to have passed, lives on in the wisdom of future decisions. Not money; for what seems to have been spent, was only invested. And not love; for what seems to have vanished, has only moved so close you must look within your heart to see it.

Here and now, Melissa, whether or not it’s obvious, you are the best you’ve ever been.

So proud,
The Universe

words

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My friend Becky aka hellohahanarf posted a link to this site yesterday on her blog. I’ve spent a good deal of time today reading through the cards and marveling at the power of words.

We all know that words can be moving, touching, heart-wrenching, maddening, and powerful. Those of us who are writers, strive to evoke emotion from our readers. We want to touch them (and I’m not even being naughty when I say that). We want to affect them.

I’ll post a few of my favorites from Bone Sigh Arts here. But take some time and go look for yourself. Prepare to be affected.

her beauty
“i look at her and see beauty, and yet, she’s been told she’s not beautiful. I watch her and see love, and yet, she’s been told she’s not lovely. i want to shout to her “you are precious beyond words!” yet i know she can’t hear me. and so i won’t shout. i will just keep believing in her and reminding her. and wait for her to see it, to hear it, and to know it as deeply as i do.”

holding you close
“holding you close, my heart whispered to yours, i”ll help you thru this. i am with you. you are not alone.”

finger tip

“finger tip to finger tip, i long to reach out to you. to put the palm of my hand against your skin. i close my eyes and imagine you here. and i wait for your return.”

Which were your favorites? I’m seeing a few new posters or cards in my future…