a MELFellaneous post

Here’s a mish-mash post. Because my brain can’t stick to one train of thought today.


superman-squirrel-nb19571So this quote has been making its rounds on FB this week. It looks like everyone is having “man” problems and needs some inspiration from Oprah Winfrey that she supposedly said in 2005 when this first made its rounds via email forwards. Now. Don’t get me wrong, I think this is great advice, but according to Snopes.com…there is no evidence that Oprah said any of this:

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending… Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage… Deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE
individuals. Look for someone complimentary…
not supplementary.
Dating is fun… Even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes… When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him ~ he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says… You should know that: You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts…


Speaking of FB, apparently my aunt has figured out I’ve been living in sin (for like, forever) and called my mom to tell her…because, of course, she wouldn’t know…. and my mom was all, I know…and why are you calling me!? My aunt is all, well, she’s posting on FB… which is funny, because it’s not a secret. And also funnier, because my aunt and I aren’t FB friends.  And even funniest, because I’m a 44 year old adult who can make grown-up decisions all by herself.  Ahhhh the south. Full of judgment and busy-bodies.

Speaking of sin… Oh. I got nothing. I just like to say sin and think of it.

What else is going on? We had our supper club last night and my pasta was amazeballs, if I do say so myself. (and I do) And the company was even better. Would that be amazingerballs?

Ok. I’m done with my chatter today. Y’all keep on keepin’ on and I’ll see ya tomorrow!

topless driving and inappropriate conversations

How is it that I waited this long to buy a convertible? I will never have anything else now. *so in love with sally sparkle*



Seriously, I require a massive amount of sunlight to make me happy. Just driving with the top down on the way to work, starts my day off just right. No matter what mood I’m in when I wake up, I’m always happier after 20 minutes in the sun and wind.
Welcome to the bullet points of miscellany. My brain is in ADHD mode, so you have been warned:

  • My little salsa garden is doing great! I cannot wait to make my first batch of homemade salsa.
  • I was feeling kinda cranky last night and Rader was so cute trying to make me laugh. He finally managed to succeed.
  • Ian washed the dishes and watered the plants yesterday because he is awesome.
  • I have a doctor’s appointment in 10 days for a check up. Is it possible to lose 30lbs by then?
  • I am the best griller on earth. I know grilling is supposed to be a man’s job, but seriously, nobody with a penis can hold a candle to my awesome meat.
  • That makes me Queen of the Grill.
  • Eating clean is going pretty well, except for the 1 week hiccup due to my headcold…then I just ate anything that was easy. Mostly cheese and chimichangas. Apparently I needed to feed my cold Mexican food.
  • Stacey Jay is coming over again this weekend and I love her with ALL THE LOVE.
  • I don’t want her to leave me again.
  • We have fun conversations that are very inappropriate. Here’s a snippet of things you miss when you’re not with us “YOU CAN’T PUT YOUR CAT INSIDE ME!”
  • Please don’t ask me to provide the context of that quote.
  • Oh, here’s another provided by my friend Marissa: “She is little. She is mean. She is a bitch… HER NAME IS AMY.”
  • Stacey and I think that is a fantastic book title. We may have to write that story.
  • There is a mattress on my porch. We are klassy.
  • There may have been a discussion of droopy meat-curtains and shaggy rugs women who don’t landscape during swimsuit season.
  • Rader starts driver’s ed this week. He’s been rocking it with me, so I’m pretty sure he’ll pass with driving colors.
  • If I win the lottery, I’m going to fly far, far away.
  • I rewatched Game of Thrones and it wasn’t as meh for me this time. However, I still needed somebody bad to die. Mostly, I needed Joffrey to die.
  • I imagine Margeary killing Joffrey on their wedding night with the same bow he killed Roz with.
  • That will never happen, but it would be awesome.
  • He’s probably gonna die in some weaselly way…like choke on a rib bone while torturing Sansa. I would be okay with that, too, as long as nobody tries to save him and they watch him die.
  • I would like his grandpa to stand over him while he gasps for breath while choking. Grandpa would say, “I can’t hear you, did you say ‘save me, I’m your King?’ because, you’re no king.”
  • I need a swimming pool.
  • And a lake or beach in my backyard.
  • Sorry. I’m just saying things now.
  • I’ll stop bullet pointing and move on.
  • In a minute.
  • happy Tuesday y’all.
  • Bye.
  • Bye.


Hi. my name is MELF and I’m pro-gun and pro-gun control. Let’s discuss…

Since I’m a “leftist-peace-loving-liberal-socialist-commie hippie” who is also pro-gun…I often get asked by my more conservative friends my opinion on the gun debate. I’m going to weigh in on my blog. And I welcome any discussion (here or on Facebook) as long as there is no name-calling and bashing of beliefs. I won’t tolerate it here. This is my little living room on the web and I would love to have a discussion, but it better be respectful.

I’m going to start this discussion by dispelling a rumor. There is NO evidence that Hitler said this and I’m sick to death of seeing this kind of propaganda floating all over the web. All this does is instill fear and loathing to the under-educated and misinformed.
 What did Hitler actually do when he was in power? He loosened the gun laws for non-Jewish Germans with the 1938 German Weapons Act. At best, this quote is a made-up load of hogwash, pasted next to Adolf’s face to instill passion and fear. At worst, it’s paraphrased and taken way out of context to instill passion and fear. The very definition of Propaganda is the spreading of ideas, information, or rumor for the purpose of helping or injuring an institution, a cause, or a person. We, as Americans, are better than these tactics. 

Here are some questions/statements that I’m constantly being asked to answer as a leftie…(these answers are mine and mine alone and do not represent the opinions of all my leftie friends.)

    1.  How can you be for “gun control” and be pro-gun? The 2nd amendment gives us the freedom and the right to bear arms.

      The 2nd Amendment states: “A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.”  A WELL-REGULATED MILITIA.  Even the founding fathers believed in regulations. If the American government gets “too big” are you going to form your own army  attack the White House? I think that’s such a cop-out argument. We are so much more civilized than in colonial times. We are not a Theocracy or Dictatorship. We stop the government from getting “too big” by civilized methods as a MAJORITY, not as angry villagers chasing the Frankenstein Monster away because they feel threatened.

      Look at the number of mass shootings from 1982-2012.  

      The assault-weapons ban existed for 10 years…1994-2004. During that time there were 246 people injured or killed by spree shooters.

      When the ban was lifted, from 2005-2012 there were 448 people injured or killed by spree shooters.

      Those numbers are why I believe we need stricter regulations on all guns, and that military-grade weaponry belong to military and law enforcement only.

      2. But my freedoms are being limited if you limit high-capacity mags. 

      I believe the right to bear arms does not mean military-grade weapons and I believe if the forefathers could see the future of weaponry, the amendment would read a little differently. If you’re going to be in a well-regulated militia, then fine, register your hicap mags and go. 

      I believe all guns should be registered when purchased. I also think there should be gun insurance. And if you’re going to have military-grade weapons, you should be willing to purchase the insurance to cover any incidents caused by your weapon.  We regulate booze. We regulate cars. If someone drinks and drives, they get severely fined. Their insurance rates increase or they lose their driving privileges all together. They go to jail if they kill someone. Stricter regulations may not be THE answer, but I do believe it is a start.

       3.  Bad guys are always going to find a way. Why should I give up my freedom as a law-abiding citizen because of the sins of few?

       Good grief. This isn’t giving up a freedom, it’s regulating something so we can continue to exercise our freedom safely. No individual NEEDS a high-cap mag weapon…unless they’re hunting humans. Sure they’re fun to shoot. I mean, hell yeah! what a rush! However, I don’t want that shit in my house and nobody else should, either. I think weed should be legal and regulated and taxed. The same goes for prostitution. And why not high-mag weapons? Or all guns for that matter? Let’s require registration and insurance. Let’s require mandatory background checks. Let’s make sure that someone who has had mental stability issues can’t get a hold of a gun legally. Did you know that the weapons used in both the Sikh Temple shooting and the Aurora movie theater shootings would have been illegal to purchase during the assault weapons ban? Could the shooters still have obtained those weapons illegally? Probably. However, it would have been much more difficult. And who knows, maybe if the ban were still in place, those shootings wouldn’t have happened. Or maybe there would have been fewer injured or killed. And THAT is something I think we should all want.

      I take exception  to the “law abiding citizen being punished for the sins of few” argument. All laws are based on the sins of few. Are child molesters in the majority? Rapists? Laws and regulations are in place to help us punish those who step outside the box of the law. And there are enough incidences with hi-mag weapons (and other weapons) that I think we’re to the point that we need stricter regs. Marrying a 14 year old used to be okay. It used to be if a rapist married his victim, then the rape didn’t happen. Women couldn’t vote once upon a time…  I think gun laws can evolve to our current level of civility. 

      4.  You don’t need your wine anymore than I need my hi-cap mags.

      I would argue I need my wine..haha. Okay, fine. I don’t NEED my wine. However, my wine isn’t going to put a bullet or 20 into the head of an innocent victim. And my wine is regulated and taxed.
      If we had stricter regulations and punishments on guns when kids accidentally shoot the wall or their brother or take grandpa’s gun to school…LIKE we do if a kid drinks a parent’s booze and steals a car, or steals the booze and gives it to their friends, then we would see a significant drop in these issues.

      5. You have to be 21 and a non-felon to own a gun.

      Yes. Unless you buy it from a gun show or a private citizen. Then it’s don’t ask, don’t tell. If I buy my kid booze, I get in big trouble for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. If you buy a gun from a private citizen and pay cash, no background check is done, no insurance or registration is required and it’s like that sale never happened.

       BTW, Ronald Reagan agreed with me:

      May 3, 1994
      To Members of the U.S. House of Representatives:

      We are writing to urge your support for a ban on the domestic manufacture of military-style assault weapons. This is a matter of vital importance to the public safety. Although assualt weapons account for less than 1% of the guns in circulation, they account for nearly 10% of the guns traced to crime.
      Every major law enforcement organization in America and dozens of leading labor, medical, religious, civil rights and civic groups support such a ban. Most importantly, poll after poll shows that the American public overwhelmingly support a ban on assault weapons. A 1993 CNN/USA Today/Gallup Poll found that 77% of Americans support a ban on the manufacture, sale, and possession of semi-automatic assault guns, such as the AK-47.
      The 1989 import ban resulted in an impressive 40% drop in imported assault weapons traced to crime between 1989 and 1991, but the killing continues. Last year, a killer armed with two TEC9s killed eight people at a San Francisco law firm and wounded several others. During the past five years, more than 40 law enforcement officers have been killed or wounded in the line of duty by an assault weapon.
      While we recognize that assault weapon legislation will not stop all assault weapon crime, statistics prove that we can dry up the supply of these guns, making them less accessible to criminals. We urge you to listen to the American public and to the law enforcement community and support a ban on the further manufacture of these weapons.
      Gerald R. Ford
      Jimmy Carter
      Ronald Reagan

      Okay gang. I’m done for now. Heh. Just remember, if you decide to engage in a discussion, please be respectful of others. Nobody is right or wrong. It’s just opinion and this is not a black and white topic…

        humor and my awesome kids.

        Sometimes I’m funny. This is a true story. I’m not even making it up. I can sometimes make people laugh.

        And sometimes I only make myself laugh. But seriously, if I don’t make myself laugh, who will?

        This morning, I made both boys laugh until my oldest asked me to stop because he was gonna have an accident and he wasn’t talking about pee.
        I told him that would be a problem for me because my love stopped at teenage poop. There. I said it. I put a condition on my love for my children and that condition is poo.

        This did not help the laughter situation at all, btw. But he managed to control his guts, which is good because I totally would have put him out of the car with $10 and said, “Good luck with that.” (ok, maybe a slight exaggeration as there is currently no cash in my wallet. Sorry kid.)

        Anyway, I’m just glad I can crack my kids up. I figure this will go a long way in the future therapy that I will be paying for. At least they can laugh at how screwed up I made them.

        I had another, almost perfect moment with my youngest this week. We were getting our geek on at the Science Fair. When it was over, we had to brave the bitter, 40 mph winds to the car which was almost 2 blocks away. In a burst of simultaneous awesome, we started singing TALK DIRTY TO ME by Poison (it had been on the radio earlier). So there I am, with my 13 year old son, racing across middle school campus belting out an 80s hairband classic. In the midst of this musical moment, a couple of girls passed us and yelled “Hey Rader’s Mom!” and I stopped singing long enough to yell “Hey strange girls I don’t know!” and then we continued on.

        Yes, I am a very lucky momma. If there’s one thing I’ve ever done right in my life, it’s my awesome kids. Even if I have effed them up a bit…

        ooooh that smell! can’t you smell that smell?

        Just for funsies, here is a list of fragrances and flavors that I really don’t like:

        • Amaretto: this stems from a bad experience in college. Amaretto sours should be banned from existence.
        • Hazelnut: Never have been a fan of the flavor or the fragrance; not really sure why. I will tell you that there is a holiday potpurri that is hazelnut fragranced and it makes my stomach turn. *shudder*
        • Plumeria fragrance from Bath and Body Works: This stems from when I was a store manager back in the 90s. I was used to the overwhelming scent of all the blended fragrances in the store. Then I got pregnant. Overall, the fragrances didn’t bother me, until one day these two women came into the store and tried every damn plumeria scented product. Even the air freshner. I had to excuse myself and go throw up.
        • The perfume Tresor: When I was in my early 20s, I worked in a very small office for a local auctioneer. It was me and one other lady. Everyday, Judy would come in smelling like she had showered in Tresor. The 1st thing she would do when she sat down was pull out her Tresor scented lotion and lather up. She did the same thing after lunch. I asked her nicely one day to please stop using the lotion and she got very angry with me and told me to deal with it. I did–I quit the next day. I had a friend who used to wear Tresor and I had to ask her not to on the days we hung out together.
        • Nut flavored beers: I love a good stout, a yummy pale ale or IPA but if it’s nut flavored it makes my tongue curl. And it gives me a headache.
        • Catfish: Yes, it’s true. I’m the only southern girl in the world who doesn’t like catfish.
        • Venison: I know many of you are reading this and saying to themselves: “You just think you don’t like venison because you ain’t never had it fixed right for ya.” I can assure you, you’re not the only person to say that. Even my grandmother tried to fool me once. Trust me–I don’t like it.
        • The air freshener fragrance they use at the West Little Rock Bed, Bath, and Beyond: Holy crap it smells like a blend of medicine and Plumeria. I have to breathe through my shirt when I’m in that store…which is why I no longer shop there.

        Is there anything you’re really sensitive to?

        Conversations in Mel’s head

        Y’all wanna know what it’s like to be me? Here’s some snippets of conversationsI had with myself yesterday.

        I apologize in advance.

        Head: I hurt and am filling up with snot.
        Me: I know.
        Head: What are you going to do about it?
        Me: I don’t know. Take a Claritin and hope it’s all better tomorrow.
        Head: You’re not going to the gym, right?
        Me: Wrong.
        Head: Dammit, I don’t wanna go spreading my germs everywhere.
        Me: We washes the equipment after we uses it, precious. Besides, maybe Evil Barbie Hair Girl is there and we can sneezes on her and gives her the Bird Flu.
        Head: Sounds promising. But we don’t have the Bird Flu.
        Me: But maybe we will.
        Head: *rolling eyes*
        Me: I saw that.

        At the gym:

        Head: There’s Evil Barbie Hair Girl, go sneeze on her.
        Me: It would be wasted, we don’t have the Bird Flu. I can tell.
        Head: But, if it’s a good juicy sneeze, I bet you’ll lose another pound.
        Me: Good call.

        This morning on the scale:
        Me: You lied.
        Head: It was a theory that we disproved.
        Me: Shut up, McScientist.

        Last night I twittered:

        [Mel]<— haz a worry! *gasp* trying to think of a blog topic for tomorrow and is afeared she may be out of funny!

        Here was the conversation that followed:

        Head: Really? Really? You think you’re out of funny.
        Me: Maybe. I just don’t feel funny.
        Head: That’s the Bird Flu talking.
        Me: We don’t have the Bird Flu.
        Head: I think maybe we’re developing it.
        Me: I think we’re developing Multiple-Personality-Disorder. Maybe I should give you a name instead of just calling you head.
        Head: I like the name Harriet.
        Me: I’m not calling you Harriet.
        Head: It was just a suggestion. Besides, shouldn’t I get to name myself.
        Me: No. You’re my head, I get to name you. I always liked the name Zoe.
        Head: lalalalalalalalalalalala I can’t hear you.
        Me: Let me try this out. Shut up, Zoe.
        Head: I’m only responding to Head or Harriet. Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala
        Me: Hm. Zoe isn’t working for me. Kalliope? No, too complicated. Maybe I should call you Einstein since you’ve been so good at testing theories lately.
        Head: I could compromise and go for Madame Curie.
        Me: Okay, Madame Curie. You’ve got a deal.
        Head: Maybe just call me Madam.
        Me: Maybe I should go to bed.
        Head: Maybe you’re right. Take some benadryl first.
        Me: Goodnight, Madam.
        Head: Goodnight, Nutjob.
        Me: I’m going to let that slide because we have the Bird Flu.
        Head: Thanks.

        are you a burrower?

        When I sleep, I tend to flip to my stomach, kick a leg up, and burrow under a pillow. Actually, sometimes I can’t go to sleep if I don’t have a pillow over my head. (Which is really ironic since one of my irrational fears is suffocating.)

        I don’t know why I do this. I used to think it started when I got married and Fishdog watched a lot of TV in bed and I would cover my head to block out the light/sound. But I think that’s just when I started noticing myself doing it.

        What’s even funnier? Both of my kids are burrowers.
        Above is Rader. Yes, he’s buried in there. Sound asleep.
        Below is Ian. This is how I find him every morning. He sleeps with a minimum of 3 pillows and he digs in like he’s hibernating for the winter.
        So, is sleeping style inherited? Is there some weird recessive gene for burrowing. Should I get out my Punnett Square and start playing?Hmmm. Would Burrowing be a dominant trait since both boys are burrowers? Fishdog definitely isn’t a burrower, but he could be a ‘burrower’ gene carrier. Crap, I can’t remember. I do know that genetics was about the only part of science I enjoyed. It must’ve been if I could remember Punnett Square.Did you inherit anything quirky from your folks or did your kids inherit something quirky from you? And do you think it was nature or nurture that caused it?

        a mish mash

        First of all, I’m back to blogging over at FCR. I took a week off due to a pain in my foot. The pain is still there, but it’s better. Yesterday I bought new shoes and it was quite the experience. If you get a chance, pop over and read about it. Sometimes I’m kinda funny. It’s true.

        Speaking of funny, is it weird that almost everyday somebody tells me that I’m funny? I mean, I know I have a good sense of humor and I know I crack myself up on a daily basis, but really am I that funny? Or does funny mean something else to these folks? Are they calling me ironic? (Okay, that would be kinda funny) Maybe they’re leaving out a word. “Mel you _______ funny.” (It’s Mad Libs Time! insert verb) smell, run, walk, look, need, want, crave, talk, sound, mother, write… The possibilities are endless.

        Rapid topic change:
        Have you ever had one of those days that you know you must look really good because of the way people look at you? Yesterday was one of those days for me. Seriously, was almost disconcerting. Every woman complimented something about my outfit and most of the men did that eye thing. Ladies, you know that eye thing I’m talking about don’t you? The one that men think we don’t see when they do it? It’s an eye flit of sorts and it’s so funny cuz they think they’re being so subtle. Especially when they like what they see and their ears turn red. Or they cock a brow. Or they smile with a different kinda smile…

        Dear [most] Men,
        You’re about as subtle as a dog with a pork rib. Stop that.
        Yours Truly,

        Rapid topic change:
        Last night, I was all primed to watch the season premiere of LOST. I need my Sawyer, Desmond, and Sayid fix in a major way. But do you know what my local dumbass, good-for-nothing, two-timing ABC station did? They preempted LOST for the Auburn/Kentucky basketball game! Listen, I love me some SEC sports, but you don’t preempt the season premiere of LOST for a freaking NON-LOCAL sporting event. Fishdog has encouraged me to write a letter. I’ve had some letter writing success in the past, but I don’t really see the purpose this time. It’s not like they can undo yesterday’s damage. Sigh.

        Okay, enough for now. Y’all have a great day, and I’ll see you this afternoon. No LOST SPOILERS! Talk amongst yourselves and when I get home from work, I’ll be sure to play.

        Yesterday’s Q of the day: the discussion

        Does anyone else find it funny that the majority of yesterday’s answers revolved around food and lounging around?

        My answer was a little different. (though I was tempted to steal Lucy’s ‘rob a couple of banks’ idea)

        24 hours, on an private island…with a magic man, who could grant my every wish. There would be naughtiness galore. Maybe I would invite Simon Baker, my current not-so-secret-pretend boyfriend and my ex-not-so-secret-pretend boyfriend, Matt Damon. Okay, and maybe 1 or 2 other people. I mean, there’s no consequences, right? No guilt, no worries, just fond memories of a good time.

        While on the island, I would go deep sea diving with my not-so-secret-pretend boyfriends and we’d discover a shipwreck…with the largest treasure ever found. I would then be given the private island as a reward. I would name the island in my honor and would require a passport for visitors.

        And I would live there happily ever after. You all could visit any time.

        What should I name my private island? Mel-o-land?