Conversations in Mel’s head

Y’all wanna know what it’s like to be me? Here’s some snippets of conversationsI had with myself yesterday.

I apologize in advance.

Head: I hurt and am filling up with snot.
Me: I know.
Head: What are you going to do about it?
Me: I don’t know. Take a Claritin and hope it’s all better tomorrow.
Head: You’re not going to the gym, right?
Me: Wrong.
Head: Dammit, I don’t wanna go spreading my germs everywhere.
Me: We washes the equipment after we uses it, precious. Besides, maybe Evil Barbie Hair Girl is there and we can sneezes on her and gives her the Bird Flu.
Head: Sounds promising. But we don’t have the Bird Flu.
Me: But maybe we will.
Head: *rolling eyes*
Me: I saw that.

At the gym:

Head: There’s Evil Barbie Hair Girl, go sneeze on her.
Me: It would be wasted, we don’t have the Bird Flu. I can tell.
Head: But, if it’s a good juicy sneeze, I bet you’ll lose another pound.
Me: Good call.

This morning on the scale:
Me: You lied.
Head: It was a theory that we disproved.
Me: Shut up, McScientist.

Last night I twittered:

[Mel]<— haz a worry! *gasp* trying to think of a blog topic for tomorrow and is afeared she may be out of funny!

Here was the conversation that followed:

Head: Really? Really? You think you’re out of funny.
Me: Maybe. I just don’t feel funny.
Head: That’s the Bird Flu talking.
Me: We don’t have the Bird Flu.
Head: I think maybe we’re developing it.
Me: I think we’re developing Multiple-Personality-Disorder. Maybe I should give you a name instead of just calling you head.
Head: I like the name Harriet.
Me: I’m not calling you Harriet.
Head: It was just a suggestion. Besides, shouldn’t I get to name myself.
Me: No. You’re my head, I get to name you. I always liked the name Zoe.
Head: lalalalalalalalalalalala I can’t hear you.
Me: Let me try this out. Shut up, Zoe.
Head: I’m only responding to Head or Harriet. Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala
Me: Hm. Zoe isn’t working for me. Kalliope? No, too complicated. Maybe I should call you Einstein since you’ve been so good at testing theories lately.
Head: I could compromise and go for Madame Curie.
Me: Okay, Madame Curie. You’ve got a deal.
Head: Maybe just call me Madam.
Me: Maybe I should go to bed.
Head: Maybe you’re right. Take some benadryl first.
Me: Goodnight, Madam.
Head: Goodnight, Nutjob.
Me: I’m going to let that slide because we have the Bird Flu.
Head: Thanks.

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