are you in, or are you out?

Today is the first day of registration for the Little Rock Marathon which is scheduled for March 2, 2014. (unless you do the 5K which is March 1). I’m either going to do the 10K or the Half…I haven’t decided which, yet. The half-marathon is such an accomplishment! I never felt better (or worse) after I finished it a couple of years ago. But…I kind of want to do the 10K because, A: I’ve never done one before and B: I won’t be quite so freaking exhausted by the time it’s over, therefore I can fully enjoy the afterparty without drinking ALL THE BEER to numb the pain.

TEAM MELF at the starting line

TEAM MELF at the starting line

So, do you want to join TEAM MELF 2014?

Are you in? or Are you out?

Speaking of Project Runway… <–see what I did there?

I’ve had the most fun watching this season so far. OMG. Earth-Conscience Elf Boy is such a trip. He’s horrid! and  they haven’t let him go yet because I guess he makes for good TV. My favorite design didn’t make it to the top 3, but my other 3 favorites, did. And I liked the winning look a lot…El Jefe thought it had a weird “boob” thing going on. He liked Cry Baby Sander’s design the best. And it was sex-on-a-stick, but I didn’t think it would win.

El Jefe's favorite

El Jefe’s favorite

Melf's favorite

Melf’s favorite

Winner with the "weird boob thing" (I loved this dress.)

Winner with the “weird boob thing” (I loved this dress.)

Are you watching this season? I’m not watching on the night it airs, I’m catching up later…but I’m totally into the season. I just hope Earth-Conscience Elf Boy goes home soon. I mean, seriously? You’re on Project Runway. Don’t dig through trash bags to design a dress to go with Millions of Dollars worth of Diamonds. Also, don’t make the dress look like the model is wearing it backwards. Ugh.

Earth-Conscience Elf Boy needs help...

Earth-Conscience Elf Boy needs help…

a MELFellaneous post

Here’s a mish-mash post. Because my brain can’t stick to one train of thought today.


superman-squirrel-nb19571So this quote has been making its rounds on FB this week. It looks like everyone is having “man” problems and needs some inspiration from Oprah Winfrey that she supposedly said in 2005 when this first made its rounds via email forwards. Now. Don’t get me wrong, I think this is great advice, but according to…there is no evidence that Oprah said any of this:

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending… Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage… Deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE
individuals. Look for someone complimentary…
not supplementary.
Dating is fun… Even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes… When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him ~ he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says… You should know that: You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts…


Speaking of FB, apparently my aunt has figured out I’ve been living in sin (for like, forever) and called my mom to tell her…because, of course, she wouldn’t know…. and my mom was all, I know…and why are you calling me!? My aunt is all, well, she’s posting on FB… which is funny, because it’s not a secret. And also funnier, because my aunt and I aren’t FB friends.  And even funniest, because I’m a 44 year old adult who can make grown-up decisions all by herself.  Ahhhh the south. Full of judgment and busy-bodies.

Speaking of sin… Oh. I got nothing. I just like to say sin and think of it.

What else is going on? We had our supper club last night and my pasta was amazeballs, if I do say so myself. (and I do) And the company was even better. Would that be amazingerballs?

Ok. I’m done with my chatter today. Y’all keep on keepin’ on and I’ll see ya tomorrow!

topless driving and inappropriate conversations

How is it that I waited this long to buy a convertible? I will never have anything else now. *so in love with sally sparkle*



Seriously, I require a massive amount of sunlight to make me happy. Just driving with the top down on the way to work, starts my day off just right. No matter what mood I’m in when I wake up, I’m always happier after 20 minutes in the sun and wind.
Welcome to the bullet points of miscellany. My brain is in ADHD mode, so you have been warned:

  • My little salsa garden is doing great! I cannot wait to make my first batch of homemade salsa.
  • I was feeling kinda cranky last night and Rader was so cute trying to make me laugh. He finally managed to succeed.
  • Ian washed the dishes and watered the plants yesterday because he is awesome.
  • I have a doctor’s appointment in 10 days for a check up. Is it possible to lose 30lbs by then?
  • I am the best griller on earth. I know grilling is supposed to be a man’s job, but seriously, nobody with a penis can hold a candle to my awesome meat.
  • That makes me Queen of the Grill.
  • Eating clean is going pretty well, except for the 1 week hiccup due to my headcold…then I just ate anything that was easy. Mostly cheese and chimichangas. Apparently I needed to feed my cold Mexican food.
  • Stacey Jay is coming over again this weekend and I love her with ALL THE LOVE.
  • I don’t want her to leave me again.
  • We have fun conversations that are very inappropriate. Here’s a snippet of things you miss when you’re not with us “YOU CAN’T PUT YOUR CAT INSIDE ME!”
  • Please don’t ask me to provide the context of that quote.
  • Oh, here’s another provided by my friend Marissa: “She is little. She is mean. She is a bitch… HER NAME IS AMY.”
  • Stacey and I think that is a fantastic book title. We may have to write that story.
  • There is a mattress on my porch. We are klassy.
  • There may have been a discussion of droopy meat-curtains and shaggy rugs women who don’t landscape during swimsuit season.
  • Rader starts driver’s ed this week. He’s been rocking it with me, so I’m pretty sure he’ll pass with driving colors.
  • If I win the lottery, I’m going to fly far, far away.
  • I rewatched Game of Thrones and it wasn’t as meh for me this time. However, I still needed somebody bad to die. Mostly, I needed Joffrey to die.
  • I imagine Margeary killing Joffrey on their wedding night with the same bow he killed Roz with.
  • That will never happen, but it would be awesome.
  • He’s probably gonna die in some weaselly way…like choke on a rib bone while torturing Sansa. I would be okay with that, too, as long as nobody tries to save him and they watch him die.
  • I would like his grandpa to stand over him while he gasps for breath while choking. Grandpa would say, “I can’t hear you, did you say ‘save me, I’m your King?’ because, you’re no king.”
  • I need a swimming pool.
  • And a lake or beach in my backyard.
  • Sorry. I’m just saying things now.
  • I’ll stop bullet pointing and move on.
  • In a minute.
  • happy Tuesday y’all.
  • Bye.
  • Bye.


a melfellaneous mish mash

So, the big ‘controversial’ news this week is that the AP Stylebook has removed the term “illegal immigrant” and officially replaced it with “undocumented immigrant.”


You know why it’s good? Because immigrants are human and humans cannot be illegal only their actions. They are literally people who entered the country illegally. This makes them undocumented (adjective describing the lack of legal paperwork to support the person’s presence) immigrants (noun the defines a person who comes to a country to take up residence).

It is illegal (adjective describing an action not authorized by law) for any person to immigrate to this country without documentation. Therefore they are undocumented immigrants.


If we don’t see them as humans, we begin to lose our humanity. Yes, we need immigration reform, but more than anything, we need to remember that immigrants (documented or otherwise) are human.

What else did I want to talk about this morning?

Oh yeah! My kid asked me this morning if I would take him to the hazynation reunion show this weekend. OMG. LOL This is a band that I first saw when they opened for the Gunbunnies at Juanita’s…another local favorite band at the time. We were at almost every local show they played for the longest time. There was this one chick who was also at every show that we called “Windmill chick”. She was awesome. She danced by windmilling her arms and doing this hoppy march to the beat.

Hmmmm. Anything else? The weather was awesomely stormy last night. There were some tornadoes in the state, but the majority of Central Arkansas just endured heavy rains, thunder, lightning and wind. And the temp dropped to in the 40s after being 80! Once the house cooled off, it was perfect snuggling weather.

Happy Thursday, y’all! Today is hair day! My Go Go Red will be shining bright like a ruby today!

Hope you enjoyed today’s Mel-O-Jumble. Get your sparkle on and make these clouds go away, you hear?

right brain v. left brain

I posted this years ago, and I still find it fascinating.

 Which way is she spinning? Can you make her change directions?

The Right Brain vs Left Brain test … do you see the dancer turning clockwise or counter-clockwise? If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa.

Most of us would see the dancer turning counter-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it.

Of course, my brain is different. She’s spinning clockwise. And I can make her change directions at will.

uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies

uses feeling
“big picture” oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can “get it” (i.e. meaning)
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
risk taking

Today’s miscellaneous post was brought to you by the Right Brain. Be Creative and carry on!

a summary of my activities

I’ve been busy so I’ll just sum up what I’ve been doing with bullet points.

  • Came down with the crud (which I typed as “curd” at first and then spent 10 minutes trying to figure out what the symptoms of having the curd would actually be.)
  • Had a biopsy
  • Took awesome pain meds for the biopsy
  • Enjoyed the hell out of my medication
  • Had weird freaking pain med dreams, one of which included a shoot out between Mannequins. Yes. Mannequins. In a parking deck.
  • Have been spoiling the animals rotten while Jefe has been visiting his family. 
  • Eating a lot of cheese. Mmmm. Cheese.
  • Drinking wine. Possibly I drank some wine while on pain meds before I went to the doctor. Possibly.
  • Cleaned out the laundry room/storage area and put away some boxes that have been cluttering up the living room. 
  • Put up the Pimp Tree in the living room, to replace the boxes because that space seemed too bare.
  • Watched LOVE ACTUALLY twice. I’m such a dork for that movie.
  • Saved LOVE ACTUALLY to the DVR so I can watch it as much as I want this holiday season.

I think that’s about all the highlights. I feel great today…Well, I don’t wanna choke a bitch or stab anyone in the eye, so I’m thinking that means I’m on the mend. Y’all have a great humpday, or wine Wednesday or downhill slide to the weekend or whatever.

Oh…and to the creeper who inboxed my author page asking for a signed photo of me… thank you for noticing my lovely neck and shoulders but EW. No. Me. Gusta. Creepy McCreepypants. Go troll someone else, mmmkay?

Love and all that,

big. stuff.

Ian is taking his driver’s test today. He starts college tomorrow. My treefrog is all-growed-up.

Not only can he vote, he can join the military, & run off and get married without my permission (yeah…but if this happens, I will be killing him so, really this one doesn’t count). And he’s a college boy. Wow.

I’m amazed by both of my boys everyday. I’m proud of the young men they are becoming…and if you do the math, you’ll realize I was obviously child bride and young mom…because there is no way I’m old enough to have boys this age. (which explains why I’m still getting carded) Freshmen! Both of them!

In Feline news, Clementine brought us a present yesterday. I’m very glad it wasn’t a bunny or a chipmunk. About a month ago she brought us a flying squirrel. She probably took it straight out of the air, because she’s hardcore like that.


I woke with a helluva headache this morning. I got up at 4:30 a.m., took Rader to football practice, came home and popped some painkillers and slept a little bit more. I was an hour late for work, but thankfully my co-workers are cool. The tardiness was worth it because I am now headache free and to celebrate, I’m wearing my red sundress.

Sorry you can’t see the full dress, but you get the point. I’m smiling. I’m wearing red. All is right in the world.

I’m having to deal with a little bit of pettiness right now and it’s kind of difficult for me because I just don’t understand making big deals out of little things. I mean, sure, I get hormonal on occasion and overreact to little things every once in a while, we all do. But pettiness just to be spiteful? Yeah, I don’t get it. It just makes people seem ugly and small. So I’m doing some mental yoga and moving on, because somebody has to let go…and thankfully because I can, I’ll still be smiling. (See photo as proof). I like being happy on the inside and out. It really does make life so much better. So for today (and everyday that I can manage) this will be my motto:

Isn’t that sunset beautiful? It brings me lots of peace. I took this last year at Lake Ouachita.

I also am a big fan of NEVER LET ANYONE DULL YOUR SPARKLE. Hah! As if…

In other news, my monkey-boy Rader will be a freshman in high school tomorrow. I can’t believe it. And my tree-frog Ian will be a freshman in college next week. Where did the time go?


Yeah. I have nothing to explain the blog title. Sorry.

Last night I didn’t sleep for a damn. Like, 2 hours maybe? And when I was sleeping, I was having the weirdest dreams ever. Ugh. It’s never good when you’re dreaming about having migraine headaches and then you wake up with a headache. Thankfully, the real headache was not a migraine. 800 mg of ibuprofen later and I’m all better.

The good news is, even though I’m pretty sleepy today, I feel good. Mostly. I may have a slight attitude, but then, how is that different from any other day?

Just add more coffee.

Since I was sick last week, I haven’t seen my rotten kids much because this wasn’t my weekend with them. How is it possible that I actually almost, sorta missed them? I’m taking them to dinner tonight because Rader has soccer camp this week and it’s just easier for him to stay with his dad and Ian…well, he’s 18. I never know if he’s gonna grace my house with his presence or not. Thankfully, he calls/texts me constantly so I always know where he is. (well, that and the microchip I had imbedded in his skull). It’ll be good to hang with them today. When I asked where they wanted to eat, I knew the answer. Either US Pizza or Mexican. I think we’ve decided on US Pizza… hopefully it will be nice outside so we can eat on the deck.

Mmmmmm. Food. I’m hungry and sleepy.

Happy Monday, y’all. If you see me today and I’m walking around like a zombie, just bring me another cup of Joe. Thanks.

hellur thursdy

So I needed yesterday big time. I took a 2.5 hour nap. Obviously I was a tired girly. Sadly, I didn’t set up the hammock like I had thought about because it was just a little too hot yesterday. Already in the 90s here. Not that I’m complaining, because I prefer summer to the cold, heartless, echo of winter. The only place ice belongs, is in my cocktail. (Unless I’m in a Swiss Chalet. Then I’ll make an exception.)

Hmmm, what’s going on today? Not a lot, really. I’m in a great mood. I’m trying very hard to look ahead in my life and enjoy every day for what it is and not worry about things I can’t change. I worked out twice over the weekend, but sadly have been so busy this week I haven’t been able to go (mainly because even though I WANT to get up and go at 5:00 a.m., it just seems to be physically impossible for me to do so…)

Rader is in a big soccer tournament this weekend, Ian’s last game and last day of school is Friday night, and in a couple of weeks we will have 8th grade graduation, high school graduation, and Spa Day with the Boys where Rader will be cutting his mane and donating it to Locks of Love and then we’ll all be getting pedicures. Yeah, it’s gonna be a good month.

And remember, tomorrow is awesome if you’re a Star Wars geek…