Internetz, yesterday y’all nearly had to bail me out of jail.

I’m not even kidding.

So, I was minding my own business, obeying all the rules of the road, when this bitch woman blew through a yield and nearly slammed into me. I was upset, but these things happen…

Until that bitch woman rolled her window down and began to cuss me up one side and down the other.

Bitch! Woman please.

After she finished her first tirade I said “You might wanna rethink talking to me like that before I step out of the car and reacquaint you with the rules of the road. Or road rash.”

She called me a few very unflattering names, the least offensive being bitch. The worst rhyming with punt.

And that’s when I lost my cool.

“Are you familiar with the phrase Towanda? If so, then you might wanna get the fuck out of my way. The sooner, the better.”

As she drove off, I saw this bumper sticker:

Are you kidding me?

Sister, please. I will feed on the irony of this moment forever.

1. If Jesus is your co-pilot, he needs to reteach you the rules of driving.
2. He might be better off just being your driver, Miss Daisy.
3. He might also wanna reaquaint you with the Golden Rule, because I’m pretty sure you missed that Sunday School lesson.
4. Also, do you pray with that mouth? Now I’m not saint. I’ve never ever pretended to be. But I also don’t have a bumper sticker on my car portraying me as such.

I believe in Karma and bitch woman, you got yours coming to you…