Ok, I get it Internetz. Y’all really do have a foot fetish. I’ve talked about it before…and now, I’m here talking about it again, you know why?

There’s some dude in Conway, AR going around sucking women’s toes.

WTFityF?

Look, I get it. Feet can be sexy. I mean, what’s not sexy about this?

But here’s my problem with this toe sucking thing (besides the fact that toe sucking in general gives me the giant squicks. And yes, that’s an official medical term.) HOW DID THIS DUDE GET THE WOMEN’S FEET TO HIS MOUTH? Because trust me, if his face was anywhere near my foot? The police would be taking my shoe impression directly from his face as evidence for his justifiable homicide.

What I’m saying is, I’d kick his skull in.Without. Remorse.

Because EW. Gross. Stranger Toe Danger. Keep your fungus tongue off my pretty toes.

Here’s something really funny…his description.

White male in his 40s with a pot belly. 

Um…I see him EVERYWHERE! NOBODY’S TOES ARE SAFE! (I better go get a pedicure this weekend, because seriously, if my feet are going to be evidence in a justifiable homicide case, they need to be pretty…)

Y’all have a great weekend. And try not to miss me too much. I know. It’ll be hard. But there’s always your dreams…