Monthly Archives: August 2008

where did my morning go?

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Okay, busy day today. Here’s my to do list:

Got a hair appt in 45 minutes.

Have to finish laundry and pack…heading to Oxford tomorrow.

Waiting for manuscript from lovely editor so I can dig into one last round of revisions. Good thing I’ll be in Oxford…no interwebs at the house to distract me.

Gotta pick up my daddy’s Expedition to drive to Oxford so we can bring some stuff in the attic home with us.

Hopefully will rent the house out while there. Otherwise, I may have to cry.

Things I’ve accomplished since Friday:

Finished new proposal and sent it to Deidre.

Painted my toenails BRIGHT-ASS-HOLY-SHIT PINK

Registered my son for high school. (I am way too damn young to be the mother of a high school freshman)

Joined PASIC (Published Authors Special Interest Chapter of RWA)

Finally decided to have transmission rebuilt in the van.

So, what’s on your to-do list?

I’m not sure if I’ll be around much this week…depends on if my Oxford neighbors still have an open wireless network or not!

it’s that time again…

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The moment y’all have been waiting for…

The RWA Conference (much tamer) version of Girl’s Gone Wild aka Who’s Tits Are These?





And I’ve exhausted all my teleporting abilities for a while now. My body is just so weak…need fuel.

Thanks to all my co-conspirators who made my teleportation possible. Until next time…

teleporting has its rewards

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Sure, teleporting is tough. It can really beat up a body, you know? But no matter how tired and beaten up I am, I always manage to come away with a good story. And pictures.

Like being able to stalk Bobbleheaded Darth while I was at the RWA Conference…

Yes, I have pictures:
Pic 1: Bobbleheaded Darth battles the Risotto. It was an ugly fight, but Bobbleheaded Darth comes out on top.
Pic 2: Bobbleheaded Darth cozies up to Robin Rotham. and really who wouldn’t? But we find out later that Bobbleheaded Darth has an alterior motive…
Pic 3: Bobblehaed Darth wants Robins boots. It was a valiant battle…but Bobbleheaded Darth had to admit defeat (or would that be de feet?)

Pic 4: Even though Bobbleheaded Darth was not registered at the conference, he still took advantage of the goody room. Of course, he’s the Dark Lord. He doesn’t have to register at the conference. You should be grateful he didn’t blow the conference up with his awesome Death Star.

So there you have it. More tales of teleporting…Stayed tuned for one more post…that’s right, I saved the best for last! Coming up…Who’s Tits are These: San Francisco Style…

tried to keep it a secret

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But damn these digital cameras…

I guess I can’t keep it a secret any longer…I have a super power.

That’s right. I can teleport.

Yesterday afternoon, after my awful run in with Mr. (lack of) Enunciation at the DMV…I teleported to the RWA Conference in San Francisco and hung out with some of my favorite peeps.

Picture 1: This is me with Barbara Vey (who is the loveliest person on earth) and Kristen Painter…who is lovely to me in a “I want to wear her skin” way. Yes. It’s a girl crush. I’ll admit it.

Picture 2: Like OMG! Here I am with Jo Marie Landis and Lara Santiago! Like seriously! Holy cow! I’m not sure how I stopped myself from going all ‘fan-girl’ on them. I think maybe the only thing that stopped me was the fact that I wasn’t quite used to wearing Kristen’s skin.
Pic 3: Me and Nic Montreuil…one of my favorite people in the world. I was a little disappointed she didn’t ‘my pretty pony’ it this year with blue hair, but I kissed her with tongue anyway. I love her THAT much.

Pic 4: the moment I was done for the night. These women plied me with so much wine, I almost couldn’t teleport home. This is Louisa (my CP) and Jen (my hot little muffin of love). I am so glad I got to see them, because I have missed them both terribly. And by the way, they really liked me wearing Kristen’s skin. Not sure what that was all about.

So there you have it. I can teleport. I know you’re freaking out a little over my super power, and I don’t blame you. It took me a while to adjust to it myself.

dmv and high blood pressure

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So…

I go to the DMV today to tag my car and switch my MS license over to AR. Because I want this to be as painless as possible, I do my research.

Back in June, I tried to switch my license over, so I went online to find out what the requirements were. I found out all I needed to do was bring my license and my social security card. However, when I get there, I am told that they no longer accept social security cards as a form of ID (even though their website clearly states that’s all I need). Thanks to homeland security, my birth certificate is required now.

Okay fine. I go online and order a replacement birth certificate because it would take me weeks/months/years to find which box the one I have is stored in.

Birth certificate arrives. I go back to DMV very proud that I now have everything required to get my license. Except that I don’t.

Dude behind the counter, who apparently has a problem with enunciation, says:

dmv: Your name don’t match.

me: sorry?

dmv: your name don’t match.

me: (clearly exasperated) what do you mean my name don’t match? Here is my birth certificate as I was told to bring. Here is my MS DL… what’s the problem?

dmv: you weren’t told by me.

me: Sigh. No I was told by another lady that this was what I needed to change my license over.

dmv: yeah. but you need your marriage license too. So your name will match.

Okay, I don’t explode (proud?) I go home and tear up my house for the marriage license…which I finally find. I make myself some cookies and eat about a pound of cookie dough before I head back to hell the DMV.

I stand in line again. And of course, I wind up with Mr. lack of Enunciation.

me: (smiling because I have to) I’m back! Here’s all my stuff.

dmv: (eying both the marriage and birth certs carefully. He walks over to the copier with the certificates and my DL…then turns to me and says) Your name ain’t the same.

me: sorry?

dmv: your name is spelled different on the birth cert than it is on the DL.

me: yes. they misspelled my name on the birth cert. But everything else is right.

dmv: might be a problem. (he makes the copies then comes back to desk) You had a license in AR before?

me: yes.

dmv: under what name? You got both Francis and McKenzie and McKenzie Francis.

me: under both names

dmv: (gives me the raised eyebrow to fuck with me look)

me: I was born here. My first license was McKenzie. I got married here, so it switch to Francis. It’s now legally McKenzie Francis no hyphen)

dmv: (pulling up prior license) We gotta problem.

me: (totally exasperate) Oh? what’s that?

dmv: Your name is wrong. Your not McKenzie Francis in our system. You’re just Francis.

me: I didn’t change it on my SSN until about 5 years ago, but it’s McKenzie Francis now. Promise.

dmv: Hm. So which name are you now? cuz when I put you in, if you don’t match, there’s a problem

me: you have my MS DL in front of you! That is my legal name. THAT is what I want. THAT is who I am.

dmv: But it isn’t in our system like that.

me: I HAVEN’T LIVED HER FOR 8 YEARS!

dmv: Okay. so which name?

me: AAAAAAAAAAAIUUUUUUUUUUGHHGGGGGGGGGGGG! MCK FRAN

he does his thing. I take my piccie (actually kinda cute) then I ask him about voter registration.

dmv: I can register you. Which name?

Okay, can I just tell you, that man is lucky to still be alive? Seriously. It actually goes on from there, but I just can’t relive it. There’s not enough booze in the house to get me through.

Dear State of Arkansas…TO AVOID ANY POSSIBLE FUTURE HARM TO COME TO ANY OF YOUR DMV EMPLOYEES UPDATE YOUR FUCKING WEBSITE.

KTHXBYE.