as he picked up his hammer and saw

First things first: My recap of The Bachelorette Episode 2 is live! Go forth and read all about the sad + awesome = sawesome Douchebaggery. Be sure and bring your cheesy-poofs for a snack.

Okay, so no hammer was involved yesterday but I kinda feel like I was beaten by one in my sleep.

You see, my driveway is gravel and it has pretty much just washed away. It’s full of potholes and bumps and when it rains, is a muddy mess. So we’re having a load of gravel brought in…unfortunately, my giant tree over the driveway would prevent a dumptruck from entering, so limbs would have to be removed.

Enter El Jefe and his saw.

And me and the John Deere (btw, I will never, ever write my John Deere a Deere Dear John letter because I love him sooooooo. Our love will not be denied!)

Jefe battled the tree, and the tree tried to battle back. It was like it knew…and wanted to wound its attacker. But this world evolves on the survival of the fittest–or at least the person with the better tools. And I’m pretty sure Saw beats Branch every time. (Does Tarp cover Saw? Hmmmm)

Our burn pile is about 10+ feet tall now. That’s gonna be a helluva fire. Woot! Can’t wait! Bring on the marshmallows!

Anyway, dragging all those limbs around is a lot of work, so this morning we both feel a bit like warmed over death. And I’m figuring once we finish with the gravel portion of this project, we’ll feel like reheated warmed over death. The boys were feeling a little worse for the wear as well, even though their idea of “helping” is not the same as mine. heh.

But at least soon I won’t be bottoming out on my driveway anymore.

and now the REAL hammer story

Maria is so cute. She posted her hammer story because I threatened to do it for her. Go read it. But don’t forget to come back, because I’m going to tell you what really happened.

So one day last week, Maria calls me.

Maria: (in an excited whisper) Mel!
Me: What?
Maria: Dave Hernandez is in my house!!!! (yes, she used 4 exclamation points in her whisper)
Me: (confused because Dave Hernandez is a fictional character in her current manuscript BUNCO BABES GONE WILD) Um…his name is Dave Hernandez?
Maria: No. He looks like Dave Hernandez! He’s so damn cute! He’s probably only 24. Hang on, I’m going to go check on him. (muffles the phone. Muffled question. Muffled giggling.) I’m back (breathless)
Mel: Are you panting?
Maria: No. Am I? He’s so damn cute!

Then we talk about writing for a few minutes and other stuff and we hang up. Fifteen minutes later.

Maria: (in an excited whisper) Mel!
Me: Yeeees?
Maria: I think he knows I’m watching.
Me: Probably. You should totally ask him if you can take a picture or sneak a picture of him. I’m dying to see the man who can make Maria Geraci pant.
Maria: I’m not going to take a picture of him!
Me: I would. But whatever.

Then we talk about writing for a few minutes and other stuff and we hang up. A little while later.

Maria: Oh my god!
Mel: What???
Maria: They had me come into that bathroom to inspect their work.
Mel: Was the work good?
Maria: Dave Hernandez stood in the doorway and made me squeeze past him. I totally rubbed up against his hammer! I think he did it on purpose!
Mel: You have to blog this.
Maria: What am I going to say? I rubbed up on Dave Hernandez’s hammer?
Mel: Exactly. If you don’t blog it, I will.

The end.