chiggers are the devil’s pets and they should burn.

Posted on August 6, 2013 by Just Call Me Mel

I will say a scalding hot bath and endless scratching does help ease their torture. As does benadryl and benadryl cream.

I was asleep before 10 last night, thanks to the little pink pills.

Honestly, a sandpaper massage sounds damn near heavenly! I haven’t had chigger bites like this in 20 years! Sure I get the occasional bite on my feet, but from torso-to-toe? No. Not since I was a kid.

People mistakenly believe that chiggers burrow into the skin and stay for days, but that’s not true. They actually inject enzymes into the skin that break down skin cells. The itching begins when the little fuckers have filled up on your skin cells and they leave you to take a nap. I wish it was a dirt nap. but no. Just a plain old nap like your fat uncle Morty who wears sweatpants to lunch on Thanksgiving day.

Anyway, I’m better today. I think the worst is past me. But…now my legs look like I have leprosy. If you see me on the streets in rags, just donate to my calamine lotion funds and walk away. Don’t stare too long at the constellation of scabs. They’ll start to scare you.

Later bitches! I have some scratching to do.

the sungoddess enjoyed her weekend. and a recipe! also a little Game of Thrones talk. #GoT

Posted on June 10, 2013 by Just Call Me Mel

The ex used to call me a sungoddess and this weekend, I finally rediscovered her. (Boy I miss the lakehouse…)

The sun is worshiping the goddess. Or is the goddess worshiping the sun? Tomato/ToMAHto.

So basically, Saturday the girls and I had a fabulous brunch where I cooked the most amazing quiche (recipe to follow) and Lynne fixed the most amazing biscuits and gravy and Robyn made the most amazing mimosas. And then we went to the pool and lounged about.

Muy delicioso!

MELF’S “SURPRISE MUTHAFUCKA” QUICHE

Pie crust
1 8 oz bar Greek Yogurt Cream Cheese
Cholula
5 eggs
5(or more) cooked slices of bacon
1/4-1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cup milk
baby spinach (about 3/4 of a cup)
1 cup cheddar cheese
salt and pepper to taste
1 teaspoon basil

Preheat oven to 425

Put the pie crust in the pie plate. (Duh) Soften the cream cheese then spread evenly on the pie crust. Cover the cream cheese with Cholula sauce. (to taste. I use a lot.) Break up all the bacon and layer it on top of the cream cheese. Layer 3/4 of the cheddar cheese next.

Whip the eggs, sour cream, milk, salt, pepper and basil til well blended. Remove the stems from the baby spinach and add to the egg mixture. Pour into the pie. Cover with remaining cheese.

Cover the edges of your crust with foil or a pie crust protector. Bake at 425 for 15 minutes, then turn the heat to 350 and bake another 20-30 minutes.

SUPRISE MUTHAFUCKA! This is some good shit! And it’s very high in protein, especially if you use the Greek Yogurt Cream Cheese.

Now…Let’s talk about the let down that was the Game of Thrones finale…

I mean, yes, I’m glad Arya and the Hound had a moment. And that Dani had a moment. And that Sansa and Tyrion and a moment. But when you offer up a foreshadowing smack to the head with a skillet when Bran discusses the unforgivable sin of killing a guest in your home…and then the next scene is that hideous Walder Frey bragging about having done just that…and then you DON’T KILL ANYONE THAT DESERVES TO DIE in the season finale…well, it’s just anticlimactic.

The episode was just Okay. I guess I have grown to have huge expectations from this show because this season has just flown by and each episode has really been fast and fulfilling…so I expected something more from the season ender. I am soooo looking forward to the next season. I am really gonna miss Hodor. LOL

Well, at least I have Newsroom to look forward to. Oh, and that trainwreck True Blood that I can’t seem to stop watching. I blame it on the Viking Vampire.

Rader returned safely from his tournament in Decatur. They were not champions, but they finished with a win in their final game. He reported that he played well and is glad to be back in AR. I’m gonna be glad to see him tonight. The prodigal son of mine returned home last night. It was nice to see his face again. I like having my big babies all under the same roof.

Alright gang. That’s about it for this Monday report. Except I’m crying all the cries because my arms are hurting all the hurts thanks to the weed-eater. WHY MUST IT WEIGH 20BILLION POUNDS? #ouch.

now what?

Posted on January 4, 2013 by Just Call Me Mel

So, Ian had 5 teeth removed yesterday. He didn’t feel great last night. Had a long night, but the meds helped. He was fun to watch, I’m not gonna lie.

He ate Ramen for breakfast today, and seems happy. Looks like life is getting back to normal.

Since I’m home today, I am in charge of deChristmasing the house. I really don’t want to…mainly because I hate packing the holiday up. However, this house is tiny, and we need every ounce of space available. So we say goodbye to the Pimp Tree and the Flamingo tree and all the other holiday awesome in this place.

I’m heading to the gym today, too. Remember how I was doing bootycamp and loving it, but I had this awful elbow pain? Guess who has tennis elbow and hasn’t played tennis since college? Yes. Me. Ugh. And let me tell you, that shit is painful. They should call it something like JACKHAMMERING RAILROAD SPIKES ELBOW. Tennis elbow sounds so benign. I can’t even squeeze a tube of toothpaste with my left hand without wincing in pain. WTF?

I have an appointment with a chiropractor next week and have high hopes we’ll be able to realign my cranky neck and shoulders and fix this freaking messed up tendon and muscle situation. I have plans to rejoin bootycamp in February, and have the half-marathon in March..so here goes nothing. At least I can walk/run without worrying about the elbow. I just can’t weight train right now.

Now what? It’s 2013. Jefe and I are both working. The kids are happy. We’re happy. Life is good. Now let’s just get my elbow fixed so I can squeeze the toothpaste and open the car door again.

as he picked up his hammer and saw

Posted on June 7, 2011 by Just Call Me Mel

First things first: My recap of The Bachelorette Episode 2 is live! Go forth and read all about the sad + awesome = sawesome Douchebaggery. Be sure and bring your cheesy-poofs for a snack.

Okay, so no hammer was involved yesterday but I kinda feel like I was beaten by one in my sleep.

You see, my driveway is gravel and it has pretty much just washed away. It’s full of potholes and bumps and when it rains, is a muddy mess. So we’re having a load of gravel brought in…unfortunately, my giant tree over the driveway would prevent a dumptruck from entering, so limbs would have to be removed.

Enter El Jefe and his saw.

And me and the John Deere (btw, I will never, ever write my John Deere a ~~Deere~~ Dear John letter because I love him sooooooo. Our love will not be denied!)

Jefe battled the tree, and the tree tried to battle back. It was like it knew…and wanted to wound its attacker. But this world evolves on the survival of the fittest–or at least the person with the better tools. And I’m pretty sure Saw beats Branch every time. (Does Tarp cover Saw? Hmmmm)

Our burn pile is about 10+ feet tall now. That’s gonna be a helluva fire. Woot! Can’t wait! Bring on the marshmallows!

Anyway, dragging all those limbs around is a lot of work, so this morning we both feel a bit like warmed over death. And I’m figuring once we finish with the gravel portion of this project, we’ll feel like reheated warmed over death. The boys were feeling a little worse for the wear as well, even though their idea of “helping” is not the same as mine. heh.

But at least soon I won’t be bottoming out on my driveway anymore.

good news; bad news

Posted on October 7, 2010 by Just Call Me Mel

The good news is, my back is finally almost back to normal! YAY!

The bad news is, I won’t be rockin’ a Hoveround this weekend. Let me show you all the things El Jefe and I had planned to do with the Hoveround:

Go to the moon

Go ~~scuba~~ hover diving

Jousting except with Hoverounds instead of War Birds. (Though we may still do this if we can find some War Birds… How awesome would that be????)

Ride unicorns! Let’s go to Candy Mountain, Charlie!

And last but not least: Finish the damn wars. And then start some new ones.

I know y’all are all happy that my back is better, but aren’t you also slightly disappointed that I won’t be participating in the Hoveround Adventures? I know I am…

Y’all have a great weekend. Not sure I’ll be blogging tomorrow…we’ll see.

more drugs? better drugs?

Posted on October 6, 2010 by Just Call Me Mel

So I really have nothing fun to say today other than the walker thing is getting closer to reality.

I’m seriously too damn young to be walking around like a MawMaw. Oh well, at least I still have my looks. Hahahahahaha

In other news, I’ll be in Oxford this weekend. Not sure if I’ll be walking around or cruising in a Hoveround, but I’ll be there. If I buzz by you at the speed of light, I’m sorry. It’ll be a new toy and I’ll just wanna go FASTER! Call me Ricky Bobby not MawMaw!

baby got back (pain)

Posted on October 5, 2010 by Just Call Me Mel

A few years ago I was rearended by a Ford Excursion. I went to the chiropractor a couple days later because of neck pain. Not only did I discover I had whiplash (for realz!) I also found out I had arthritis in my lower back.

I’ve had arthritis in my elbows since 2002 as a result of untreated Lyme’s Disease and the doctor thinks the lower back arthritis is probably from the LD as well. I’ve always had some sorta lower back pain but each year, especially when the seasons changed, my back pain would get worse.

Fast forward to this week.

@#$!@%$%^^^&&&%%$#*&%^)&^&$#@@^&**!

Boy does my back hurt. Like badly. Like, I seriously need a cane to help me get out of bed, especially in the middle of the night.

I feel like an old damn woman this week. I can barely walk, it hurts to bend over, squat, put on my pants! I’ve been eating anti-inflammatories like candy and they aren’t even touching the pain. These are the days I miss Vioxx.

The pain will probably last through the end of the week and slowly start to get better…or maybe I’ll just get used to it? But I can tell you that sitting all day long doesn’t help it. However, I brought my heating pad today, and I can already feel a slight improvement.

If you guys see me using a walker with tennis balls on the legs, you better not be judging me. Because I will gladly suffer the pain to whip your ass with a walker. And I’ll take pics of you getting beaten by an old lady with a walker and I’ll post them on my blog for the world to see. Just sayin’…