Tag Archives: misc.

hot mess friday

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Welcome to (hopefully) a new weekly edition here at Mel-O-Drama

Hot Mess Friday

Today’s Hot Mess? Amy Winehouse. (May 22, 2008)

Amy Winehouse fled her home last night (21.05.08), claiming ghosts were trying to harm her.

The troubled 24-year-old singer says a poltergeist – who she has named Henry – is haunting her North London flat and is trying to harm her.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I totally believe in ghosts and it very well could be that Amy’s flat is haunted. But my guess? Henry is actually the name she gave her hallucination after she freebased some badly cut heroin. Or maybe she’d just tweaked her last batch of homemade meth. Whatever. I’m thinking Henry is just her subconscious telling her she is a big hot mess.

Wait, there’s more!
(April 25, 2008)

Winehouse, 24, was said to have punched a man inside a bar early Wednesday
morning, then later head-butted a 38-year-old man who tried to hail her a
cab.

Assault carries a six-month prison sentence in London, where the incidents reportedly took place.

Unfazed by her legal situation, Winehouse left her home at about 10 p.m. Thursday night to go out on yet another bender.

Amy, Amy, Amy. Fine. You punched a guy in the bar. I’m sure Henry told you to do it. But why on earth would you head-butt the only friend you had left in the world? The only person who was willing to help you at the time?

Big. Hot. Mess.

hello moto…

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Don’t ask me why that is my blog title this morning. It just is.

I woke around 4:30 to a lovely rain shower. A nice change from the thunderstorms we’ve had lately. After I drifted back to sleep, I had some weird dreams and finally made myself get out of bed and go buy groceries.

I love grocery shopping early on Sundays. Most often the only other people there are the ones who woke to realize they had no coffee in the house, or the ones who are just getting in from their night out.

Today, however, that was not the case. It wasn’t crowded, but there were too many ‘normal’ shoppers there. What were they thinking doing their regular shopping on MY shopping day? Didn’t they get the memo?

Imagine my disgust when the checkout line was 4 deep and the cute little oriental lady was the only checker. “You. Go self-scan.” She points and directs me and this other lady. “No more checkers. You go self-scan.”

Dude, I have a basket full of groceries. There is no self-scan big enough for my load. The lady in front of me refuses. Finally I say, “Fine. I’ll self-scan.”

I don’t have a problem with self-check out. I actually prefer it…but I had a ton of groceries. And of course, the self-scan line backed up with 5 people and their two items each, all giving me the stink-eye.

“Hey. Not my idea. Was sent over here.”

They all look at me like, whatever.

But I finish self-scan and realize that I still beat the lady over on aisle 4. Haha.

Ian gets home today from his 3 day trip in DC. We heard from him a couple of times. Yesterday he said he only got about 30 mins of sleep the night before. Um. Wah? He should sleep well tonight. In honor of his return, we’re having ribs, baked potatoes, and salad. Jealous much?

working for the weekend…

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The vacay is over.

I’ve taken a part-time job. The good news is, it’s a quiet, laid back company and I’m just answering the phone and doing odds and ends. I was ‘recruited’ by a friend of mine who is the HR director here. He’s been after me since August to come work here full-time, but honestly, I need to keep half of my day available to write. Especially with the boys sports and summer coming. So, I’m working 8-1 Monday-Friday.

Everyone here has been very nice and welcoming. That’s a good thing. Cuz I don’t need no drama.

Ian graduated 8th grade last night and is now on his way to Washington DC for his class trip.

Favorite moment last night? When Rader commented that he wouldn’t be in the choir because singing was just ‘high pitched whispering’.

Least favorite moment? Realizing the little boy who’s bottom once fit in the palm of my hand, will be in high school in just a few months. Sigh. I want my 5lb 6oz treefrog back.

missing person

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Has anyone seen my Alice? She’s been missing for a while and my house is in desperate need of cleaning.

That damn Sam. He’s such a PITA. He’s always whisking her away to some naughty place for nekkid time and my house NEVER gets cleaned anymore. Ridiculous. Why is it so hard to find good help these days????

If you haven’t heard from me in a while, you might want to check to make sure I haven’t fallen victim to the army of furballs. They are mean little bastards.

march three

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I’m on a roll with these titles, huh? Or would that be a rut?

God I struggled to get out of bed this morning. I slept great until the paper guy came. See, he drives a monster truck and it must be starving because it growls so loud that it wakes me up every morning. They usually come around 4:30 but this morning, they came arrived a little before 4:00

Since it’s been so lovely here these last two days/nights, we’ve been sleeping with the windows open. Which was fabulous for the comfort level, but disastrous for sleeping through the night.

That is a loud-ass truck.

And we’ve discovered that the paper guy is actually paper people. There are at least 2 of them and they tag team. They carry the papers to the door (which is fabulous on one hand) but when you have the windows open, you can hear them shouting their plans of attack.

Anyway, this morning, the monster truck rumbled and roared before 4:00 an the paper-people attacked the neighborhood with gusto, and I never seemed to get back to sleep.

So now I’m drinking coffee like it’s lifeblood, glaring at my kids whose very existence is on my nerves this morning, and wondering if I’m going to make it through the day without taking a nap.

Gee Mel, cranky much?

short post…not like the short bus.

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I was going to post about Survivor and Lost and Lipstick Jungle as I usually do on Friday. But I’m tired and don’t feel like posting a long-ass recap.

I will say, all 3 did not disappoint. Especially LOST. Wow. Powerful. I cried. I will stick it out a little longer with Lipstick Jungle. It redeemed itself last night. And as far as Survivor goes? I love it when the “weak” teams take control. Heh.

couldn’t make this up.

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Yesterday, I got all my paperwork together and made the trek to the DMV. My plan was to finally get my Arkansas car tags (which had woefully expired back in November. Shhhhh.) and my Arkansas drivers license. Well, I got my new plates, but the DL will have to wait another day. Even though I had done my research, apparently they haven’t updated their information on the internet. You can no longer use your SS card as a 2nd form of ID. Passport or Birth Cert only. Thanks, Homeland Security!

Anyway, I drive up to the DMV and see a police car and I think please don’t let him see my woefully expired tags. I park and start to get out of my van when I realize something isn’t quite right. Um, there is a car where the DMV walls used to be. I think, hmmmm, this is sure an extreme way to show kids that drinkin’ and drivin’ is uncool.

But that isn’t what they were doing.

No.

Some poor little old lady missed the brakes and punched the gas, launching her Dodge 300C over a 6 inch embankment, into the DMV. Nobody was hurt, but apparently a lady did an awesome Jason Bourne move over the counter to avoid getting hit.

But wait! There’s more!

So, it’s still business as usual inside the DMV. Of course, cell phones are snapping pictures a plenty. I took 3 pics, but can’t get them to download, so you’ll have to live with the picture from the paper for now.

I walk in, get my number, sit and wait. And that’s when I hear the following conversation:

Lady: I still need to get my drivers license renewed. Do you think I can still do that?
Me: uncontrollable laughter. (Oh, honey. You do know you just drove your car into the DMV. Right?)
Cop: Ma’am I think you have a little more on your plate to worry about right now. Let’s just get through this, okay?
Lady: But my license expires Friday.
Me: more giggles (this shit writes itself!)
Cop: Yes, ma’am.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I wanted to just wrap that woman up in a big ol’ hug. She was obviously in shock. But c’mon. You know that’s the funniest thing ever. That conversation was an Awesome Casserole. If I had written that in a book, nobody would believe it.

and a good weekend was had by all

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Yes, it was a very good weekend. We had company Friday and Saturday night and I also wrote a buttload.

I finished the rough draft of my synopsis and 23 pages of my new proposal. I’m not sharing anything yet, except that it is another YA Paranormal. And it’s fun.

Now I’m watching Blade Trinity with the boys (can you believe I haven’t seen this movie?) and we’re having a lot of fun with Ryan Reynold’s character. He cracks me up.

See y’all bright and early tomorrow morning.

Kisses.

words and phrases that have to go.

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Okay, here is 2008’s Banished Word List. There are some good ones there, some I disagree with, and some that don’t bother me at all. I absolutely agree with the Wordsmith thing. Seriously, if you call yourself a Wordsmith, you come across as a tool. Just letting you know.

But I’m going to add a few words to the list myself.

  1. Baby Bump: Can someone tell me why the media thinks this is a cute term? She’s fucking pregnant. Baby Bump makes it sound like a small zit or something. I hate that term with a passion.
  2. Brokeback anything: I’ve noticed over and over that the media thinks it’s funny to refer to anything remotely homosexual as “Brokeback.” Like last night on ET, Tom Bergeron and Donnie Osmond were going to perform a dance move and Tom said “Brokeback dancing.” No longer funny.
  3. pwn/pwnd/pwnage: (pronounced “poned.” I “pwnd” you Guitar Hero last night) This developed in gaming from people mistyping “own” and typing “pwn” instead. Seriously, it has got to go.
  4. tight: Not as in “My jeans are feeling a little tight.” No. Tight as a compliment. “Those jeans are tight!” Replacing sweet or hot or whatever other colloquialism we old people used.
  5. Moist: Okay, this one is just because it grosses me out. Ugh. I really don’t like the word at all.

Any words or phrases you would like to see banished?

my day in jr. high…

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I did a little free-writing while subbing at my kid’s school. This may not be pretty…

Adventures in substitute teaching…

Wow. This is going to be the longest day ever. I have glanced up at the clock numerous times and it never seems to move! 8:45. 8:47. 8:49. WTF! I keep thinking surely it’s 9:15 by now, so I glance again: 8:57.

Sigh.

Longest. Day. Ever

Kids are funny. Mostly they try to see what they can get away with without pushing me too far. At least that’s how 6th grade has been. 7th is next. Things may be different with them.

8:59.
Fuck me.
This class isn’t over until 9:30.

9:01
The teacher next door is killing me. The kids don’t like her (okay, neither do I) and now after having spent the last hour in the room next to her, I totally get it. She has no rapport with the kids. She doesn’t respect them and they don’t respect her. And she yells all the damn time. And then she counts. Then she yell counts. Then she yells some more…Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Seriously, have they been that bad?

9:05
This day is draggin’ like RuPaul.

I remember 6th grade. Wish I could forget it sometimes. It was the year my smart mouth fully developed. And the year I discovered boys. (They had not discovered me yet.) I had a pair of green “painter’s pants” overalls that I wore all the time. Back then, we all carried combs in our back pocket and I had one that said “No Tailgating.” Even back then I was funny.

My friends called me “French Fry” because that was all I ate. Ever. By the end of the year, my real nickname emerged. And I still go by it today.

9:10
Unbelievable. 5 whole fucking minutes.
It was weird getting up this morning and going to “work”–something I haven’t done since August. Thank God I got out. Some things never change.

9:14
Seriously. Still. Not. 9:30.
Lots of the 6th graders read. A couple of the girls are reading Manga books. Some of the guys have war books. Hmmm.

9:26
Good God.

9:41
7th grade. Lots of personality–fun kids. They enjoy rule-breaking and pushing limits. And they seem to clown a lot more than 6th grade. But they’re not bad.

Acne has hit with a vengeance. Boy, I don’t miss that.
They are watching me write in my notebook and they think I’m writing about them. Heh. As long as they don’t act like asshats, I don’t care what they do. I won’t be reporting anyone.
This class is over at 10:15. Shouldn’t be too bad.

9:47
Or not.
Didn’t take long for the bathroom requests to start. I asked them if walnut sized bladder was contagious.

I have to chuckle at their ingenuity. They stack their books up on their desks to hide what they’re doing. Like using a calculator or writing notes.

10:08
Holy Ferret I have to pee! Like mad damn. If I don’t go soon, MY walnut sized bladder will burst.

10:15-11:00
Kids are at PE. Ahhhh. The sound of silence. I miss my computer but I have my trusty BlackJack. I email my beach bunnies because I need sympathy and love. Plus I’m an internet addict and must get my fix.

11:00-11:15
Kids pray before recess? Really? Dear Lord, please let me kick ass at tag or never get found when I play hide-n-seek.

Lunch after recess. Must endure discussion with Counting-Yeller about the shortcomings of my kid. Shut your fucking cake-hole. I’m trying to eat my shredded iceberg lettuce in peace.

12:15-1:00
Kids are at Spanish so I do more emailing from my BlackJack and more wishing day was over.

1:12
The kids don’t want to do Science (duh) they just want study hall. Just do your damn Science and pretend it’s study hall. WHY do you want homework? I’ll never understand 7th grade reasoning.

1:14
Just covertly checked my email and Kristen dared me to yell ‘mother-ferret!’ at one of the kids. Tempting. But no. However, I laughed outloud at the request and they all stared at me with a funny look. Very tempted to ferret curse them now, but decided against it.

1:17
I am having fun watching one of my fave kids nonchalantly pass a note to her boyfriend. She stretches and does a quick glance over her shoulder at me to see if I’m watching. Must not make eye contact! She’s just stretching, you know. LOL Then she slides the note across her desk with another nonchalant glance.

My fave poster in the room. Listen and Silent are spelled with the same letters.

Wow. Totally profound.

The end of the day was loud and fun. 8th graders are a goofy bunch but they kept me busy. No time for freewriting.

After my long day’s journey back to Jr. High. I came home and dove into a pint of ice cream and ate away the pain.

All better now. (well, it will be when I open the wine…)