Careful Francis! You’re ruffling some vestments!

I’m not Catholic, but I was married into a Catholic family for almost 20 years so I have a pretty good grasp of Catholicism. Also, my kid goes to a catholic high school… I knew this pope was different when he took my name. We made a deal, you see. And so far, he’s holding up to his end of the bargain.

Back in June, he donned his tiara and said: ‘”The lord has redeemed all of us, not just Catholics, even the atheists,”

Which is awful cool of him. Honestly. You know that behind the scenes, the dudes in charge all had puckered assholes. WTF did he say? He can’t be telling everyone they can be redeemed! Hell! We’ve made several lifetimes of money based on guilt and exclusivity. So they had a meeting and he took it back. Sort of.

pope-francis-not-judging-gays-somewhat_topical-ecards-someecardsBut this week? Oh the pope made me proud he took my name. “If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?”

“It’s funny, it’s just like politics,” Maher continued. “The hierarchy at the Vatican was like ‘What the fuck did this guy just say?’ You could almost see them preparing the poison. ‘Luckily we’ve got a spare pope!’” (said in reference to even atheists can be redeemed. But NOW that the Pope is damn near flying his rainbow flag high, I think that Maher’s statement is even more applicable!)

Here’s the thing. “Who am I to judge?” should just be EVERYONE’S tagline. I’m just proud this catholic political leader is the first of his kind to say it. Out loud.

Who are we to judge anyone?

We are human. We are fallible. We make mistakes. There may or may not be eternal damnation or celebration waiting for us if we fuck up too much then die. But, as humans, who are we to judge anyone? I thought that was the whole point of that one verse in the Bible…

Matthew 7: 1-5

1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

Not that I care one way or the other what you do, because it’s not my business. But those who are all in a tizzy about Pope Francis sticking to the Bible he preaches…maybe they should revisit that very same bible…


Oh my bootay hurts! In Operation Bootylicious news, yesterday I walked a total of 4.5 miles. It was a good day, but damn my butt muscles are sore! It wasn’t too terribly long ago that I was walking 4-5 miles a day, 5 days a week. Whew. I’ve got a ways to go before I’m back to that. But I’m well on my way to success.  I love the way my clothes are fitting me, so I just gotta keep plugging along.

Metaphorically throwing away the scale has made a difference in my attitude.

If it’s not raining at lunch, I’ll be doing my daily walk with Marissa. If it is…well, I’ll just take that as a sign from the Bootay Gods that I needed a day of rest.

Tonight I have supper club with my girls. I can’t wait! I’m cooking the main dish: Shrimp Primavera. And it’s gonna be EFFING AWESOME.

fuck. yeah.


Have a happy Twofer Tuesday, Bitches!


So…I was making out with Fabio last night…

Okay. I’m going to give you a rare glimpse inside my brain. You’re welcome.

Last night, I was watching REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER (btw, my favorite text ever from Rader was when he sent me a picture of Bill Maher and asked “Are you sure he isn’t my real father?”) Anyway, Dan Savage was on and it was one of the funniest episodes I’ve seen in a while. If you get a chance, please watch the 5:48 video just for a laugh and to see a very conservative former republican senator from Florida get very uncomfortable and make the “I smell bad ham” face.

So this is how my brain works. I was thinking that Dan Savage was the guy who did the satire romance novel covers, but he isn’t. I know that now (click that link for a good laugh). But, last night, I went to bed thinking he was that guy and when I think about romance novel covers, I often think of Fabio.

Who wouldn’t, right?

Ribbet collageOkay, so there I am, falling asleep with Fabio on my mind…and suddenly, there he is in my dream.

We’re in the library and there’s a party. And he’s pursuing me. He wants me badly. (I mean, duh!) and he finally pulls me onto his lap in a dark corner and we kiss. And after a few minutes (I had to be SURE) I tell him, “Sorry. This just isn’t working for me.”

And he’s all “I’m Fabio! I work for everyone!”

And I say, “Well, I’m not everyone. And you should learn to kiss better. I don’t have time or desire to teach you.” and I try to get up. But he holds me down and gives me a GIANT HICKEY ON MY CHEST. And then he puts a band-aid on it and says, “You’re branded now. You’re mine.”

I’m pissed. “What are you? 14?” And I dramatically storm off to tell everyone that Fabio gave me a hickey against my will. And everyone tells me I should have been nicer to him. Nobody tells Fabio he doesn’t kiss well, even if it’s true.  He’s FABIO for chissakes!

So yeah. That’s how my brain works. It’s scary, right?