THIS GUY? He explains the shutdown so clearly that a Kindergartener could understand it. Continue reading
in my neverending and damn near futile mission to try to help inform folks…
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Category Archives: Internet
Melf unplugged
The fellas (minus Ian because he’s a working man now) and I will be heading to the lake tomorrow for a full day and night of fun. And then we will rinse and repeat on Sunday. I am so ready for a break.
Which means, I’m unplugging this weekend. Sure I’ll have my phone on me (because I can’t NOT take pictures!!) but I am not gonna be online. Yup. Even Facebook. (maybe) (probably) (possibly) (hopefully) (not much). At. All.
Try not to miss me!
In other internet news… There has been a couple of really fantastic discussions on one of my favorite blogs. If you’re interested in seeing how internet discussion SHOULD work, check out this blog post over at Raising Kids Without Religion.
Actually, there are two pretty great discussions going on right now:
I really enjoy reading the well thought out discussions and the respectful way they are conducted. Religion (and politics) can be such divisive topics that they are rarely discussed without anger and condescension. It is so refreshing to know there are places on the internetz that allow for these discussions without all the child-like behavior. Who knew that could exist? I never leave that website wanting to yell MOM! SOMEONE IS WRONG ON THE INTERNET AGAIN!
Okay my bitches! I leave you with your moment of zen…which will also give you an idea of what I will be doing all weekend long…
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Careful Francis! You’re ruffling some vestments!
I’m not Catholic, but I was married into a Catholic family for almost 20 years so I have a pretty good grasp of Catholicism. Also, my kid goes to a catholic high school… I knew this pope was different when he took my name. We made a deal, you see. And so far, he’s holding up to his end of the bargain.
Back in June, he donned his tiara and said: ‘”The lord has redeemed all of us, not just Catholics, even the atheists,”
Which is awful cool of him. Honestly. You know that behind the scenes, the dudes in charge all had puckered assholes. WTF did he say? He can’t be telling everyone they can be redeemed! Hell! We’ve made several lifetimes of money based on guilt and exclusivity. So they had a meeting and he took it back. Sort of.
But this week? Oh the pope made me proud he took my name. “If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?”
“It’s funny, it’s just like politics,” Maher continued. “The hierarchy at the Vatican was like ‘What the fuck did this guy just say?’ You could almost see them preparing the poison. ‘Luckily we’ve got a spare pope!’” (said in reference to even atheists can be redeemed. But NOW that the Pope is damn near flying his rainbow flag high, I think that Maher’s statement is even more applicable!)
Here’s the thing. “Who am I to judge?” should just be EVERYONE’S tagline. I’m just proud this catholic political leader is the first of his kind to say it. Out loud.
Who are we to judge anyone?
We are human. We are fallible. We make mistakes. There may or may not be eternal damnation or celebration waiting for us if we fuck up too much then die. But, as humans, who are we to judge anyone? I thought that was the whole point of that one verse in the Bible…
Matthew 7: 1-5
1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.
Not that I care one way or the other what you do, because it’s not my business. But those who are all in a tizzy about Pope Francis sticking to the Bible he preaches…maybe they should revisit that very same bible…
RAPID TOPIC CHANGE
Oh my bootay hurts! In Operation Bootylicious news, yesterday I walked a total of 4.5 miles. It was a good day, but damn my butt muscles are sore! It wasn’t too terribly long ago that I was walking 4-5 miles a day, 5 days a week. Whew. I’ve got a ways to go before I’m back to that. But I’m well on my way to success. I love the way my clothes are fitting me, so I just gotta keep plugging along.
Metaphorically throwing away the scale has made a difference in my attitude.
If it’s not raining at lunch, I’ll be doing my daily walk with Marissa. If it is…well, I’ll just take that as a sign from the Bootay Gods that I needed a day of rest.
Tonight I have supper club with my girls. I can’t wait! I’m cooking the main dish: Shrimp Primavera. And it’s gonna be EFFING AWESOME.
fuck. yeah.
hahaha.
Have a happy Twofer Tuesday, Bitches!
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Link
To prove I’m not just a cynical bitch (not that I care if that’s what you think…)
The photos in this article will make you believe in love. I guarantee you these couples aren’t out to prove anything to anyone. Look at them.
Beautiful.
Here are a couple of my favorites (credit Huffington Post):
These pictures are beautiful and make me smile.
Real. Genuine. And nothing to prove. *sigh*
I love happy.
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stop being so annoying people! she said with a smile…
And yes, if more than one of these things applies to you, then I am talking to you. Directly. This is a Facebook rant. You’ve been warned.
- I get it. There’s a Royal Baby. But GeeDee…don’t act like Kate Middleton is the only woman ever to give birth. I mean, I know it seems odd to think about it, but that cheeky wench, Queen Elizabeth? She had babies, too. And so did Diana. And every other royal vagina before them. So stop acting like this baby is the 2nd coming of Christ.
- You know those Facebook memes “Like if you hate cancer” or “Like if you think this girl is beautiful” or “Like if you wish pedophiles didn’t exist and if you don’t like we know how you really feel” OMG. Just. Stop. That shit is almost worse than VagueBooking. We all hate cancer. We all think child abuse sucks. We all think the poor girl with a birthmark covering her face is beautiful. What isn’t beautiful is the desperate plea for “likes.”
- Also stop doing this: “Repost if you believe in God. I know most of you won’t.” Shut up. Religion is supposed to be personal and PRIVATE. And this latest trend of guilting people into proclaiming their love for god is just plain assholery.
- Also, stop doing this: “Let’s see how many of you read my status. I know it’s probably only 4 of you so here goes. Leave a comment with one word describing _________ and then repost this status to your page.” Stop telling me what to do and trying to drum up attention. If you want more comments, be funnier. Or original. Or talk politics, that always gets ’em going.
- If you need help deciding what else you grown ups should stop doing on Facebook, read this: 5 Things You Need to Stop Doing on Facebook Right Now. I’d like to call your attention to “4. Stop communicating with your spouse on Facebook. Have you no conscience? Unless you and your spouse live on opposite sides of the planet—no, even then. Even if you do, you have no excuse to share things on Facebook with the person you’re married to. You should be wishing them a “happy anniversary” privately, instead of us
ing your special day as an excuse to let all your single friends know how much happier you are than them. If you feel suddenly overwhelmed by the need to tell your spouse just how lucky you are to have them in your life, consider whispering this information in their ear instead of co-opting their wall. Open up a damn email and send your spouse a private link to whatever video of an otter playing with a rock is unmissable today. Then post the same video on Facebook if you must. Just don’t mix the two.” I’d like to add that it’s one thing to post a funny to their page or what not. It’s another thing to post pics of y’all making out and spewing cheesy love shit all over a public forum. Probably when you’re sitting right next to each other. Nobody’s buying it. Trust me. It’s obvious you need the world to believe you’re happy and so in love so you’re overcompensating. Those of us who are actually in love, we’re saying those things privately. (and oftentimes, nekkidly.) - VagueBooking. Like I said earlier, if you need attention, then find yourself a personality. Be original. Be funny. But don’t be attention seeking. Example: “Sometimes it’s just not worth the effort. Sigh.” Really? What isn’t worth the effort? Breathing? Here’s a pillow. Put it over your face. Is it hard being human? Is it hard being a mom? A dad? Is it hard being pretty every day? WTF are you talking about? And stop with this “Inbox me” crap. Either just come out and play your drama out online or don’t. But stop being an attention-seeking hooker.
- If you invite controversy by ending your blanket statement with “I just don’t get it” or “Somebody please explain it to me” and then someone takes an opposite stance of you, remember, YOU INVITED IT. Don’t get pissy because people may disagree with you and don’t feel attacked when you’re the one who started it.
Here are things you can do on Facebook that will make people (and yourself) forever happy.
- Be funny
- Be original
- Don’t take life too seriously. It’s Facebook, not real life
- Drunk Facebook (as long as you have a personality and as long as you aren’t one of those whiny drunks)
- Have a good time.
- Don’t take shit so personally. I use hashtags because I instagram a lot. I have a friend who hates hashtags and bitches about them all the time. Who cares? Good for her. She has the right to her Facebook status and I have the right to my #hashtags.
- Hide people who you like but you don’t like their constant updates. I have people who hide me. It’s okay. It’s Facebook, not real life. I hide all my Jesusy Preachy Friends because it’s Facebook, not church. And religion is private. I’m pretty sure Jesus isn’t sitting in Heaven giving people a +1 every time they quote the bible out of context.
There you go. Melf’s helpful hints for a Happier Facebook life. You’re welcome. (RAINBOW STARS….the more you know…)
In Camp Compound Bootay’s Bootyliciousness news: I walked 1.5 miles at lunch yesterday and did 20 minutes of HIIT workout focusing on legs and arms. Then I did 300 different crunches.
Yep. I’m a little sore today. But that’s alright. I kinda like the pain.
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Monday, funday…?
Ugh. It’s so hard to come back to work after such an awesome weekend. Sigh.
Not your typical blow job…
My favorite picture from the weekend? Look at that laugh. LOL This is El Jefe cleaning himself up after weedeating the Compound. Yes. He’s using a leaf blower to remove the debris…and dry his hair. This man makes me smile.
For more awesome weekend pics, check out my instagram... There’s some of Ruby, and coffee, and wine, and MEAT…and various other awesome stuff.
Saturday, El Jefe and I took Rader to see WORLD WAR Z and it was fantastic. Seriously. I jumped and yelped a couple of times. According to Rader “I’m such a girl.” LOL Well, yes, I am.
Rader cracks me up. He texted me all weekend long, sending me jokes and images he finds on reddit. His latest find is r/onetruegod. OMG. Nicholas Cage is the One True God. So freaking hysterical. I believe I may have some Cagey plans for my kiddo now…
And on a final, slightly ranty note… Last week, we all read about Paula Deen’s dirty little not-so-secret issues. And suddenly, people are all up in arms, “forgiving” her on Facebook. DID SHE CALL YOU A MONKEY? No? Is she paying you less money than your white counterparts? No? Did she or her brother tell you “fuck your civil rights?” No? Then what the fuck do you have to forgive? Seriously? IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, PEOPLE. There’s nothing for YOU to forgive. Good Grief. Everything is about you, isn’t it?
You’re so vain, you probably think this blog is about you, don’t you, don’t you?
Narcissism. You’re doing it right…
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do you bleach? #pauladeen #racism (and another rant…)
I’ve been on a roll lately, so why stop now? This is probably gonna ruffle a few feathers, but hey, I have opinions, this is my blog and NOBODY IS MAKING YOU READ MY WORDS! Continue reading
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getting all inside the beauty of my trip. and even better, inside the beauty of #equalrights
FYI, the reference of “inside the beauty” comes from a creeper message on Facebook. We have taken this on as a new turn-of-phrase. And we modify it on occasion. If we get up inside your beauty, you know we mean business.
New message from the Other Inbox: Please to be my friend, pretty lady? You have very much beauty and I want to get inside your beauty.
Check out my pictures on Instagram from our trip to Iowa and Illinois.
The trip was breathtakingly beautiful. Every damn time I looked out the window, it was like looking at a postcard.
El Jefe’s family was amazing. So welcoming and fun.
After Iowa, we spent a lovely day with David and Kyle in Chicago enjoying the hell out of PrideFest.
Yes. That’s Gaymart. The happiest store on earth.
Speaking of PrideFest…YAY SCOTUS! You made the right decision striking down DOMA. All Americans should have equal rights. Marriage is a human right. Period. And frankly, “separate but equal” has never worked…and it is not really equal. So. Let’s all get Gay Married! Okay, I know everything isn’t done yet, but striking down DOMA is a huge step in the right direction.
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ANYONE CAN BE KILLED
If you haven’t watched season 3, episode 9 of Game of Thrones yet, WHY ARE YOU EVEN ON THE INTERNET? Anyway, here’s the very unnecessary “Spoiler Alert” message.
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Ruby Tuesday!
Welcome to Tuesday! Where I will, from now on, feature a new pitiful picture of my pug RUBY.
WHY SO SAD RUBY? Oh never mind, you just caught up on the Red Wedding, didn’t you?
Oh, Ruby. It’s so hard being you.
Sunday morning, I finally tried to pull myself out of bed and was all “It’s time to get out of bed, Ruby.” And this was her response:
pitifully shuffle on her belly to my leg, and “flump” her head down with a giant sigh, in the crook of my knee while staring at me with such a wretched stare, that I had to lie back to overcome the sadness.
the sadness–it overtakes you.
I read this article today about a large-breasted teen who was denied entry to her prom because her boobs were too big. She was told to wear a wrap around her shoulders or she wouldn’t be allowed entrance.
I feel your pain, sister. Your back pain, that is…
Her parents are asking for a public apology because they don’t feel the “no cleavage” rule was actually being fairly enforced. As her mother said “All women are not created equal, and you can not compare a golf ball to a grapefruit. It ain’t gonna happen.”
Damn right.
That dress is very age appropriate and lovely. Shame on that school for shaming her for what she comes by naturally.
This stupid head cold of mine is trying to kick my ass. And now, I’ve spread my germs to Jefe. We are THE HOUSE OF THE INFECTED. Enter at your own risk.
My mom called from Down Under yesterday. She’s having a great time! They were just at The Ayers Rock and were heading to Queensland. She’s going to New Zealand soon. All-in-all she will be Down Under for almost a month! I’m so happy that she’s fulfilling her dream! Let’s hope that when I’m 74, I’ll be able to rock life like she does. IF THIS STUPID COLD LET’S ME LIVE THAT LONG.
Bitchin' Fiction: Musings by author Melissa McKenzie / Melissa Francis 