MONTH OF MEL DAY 1; Week of Giving Day 1

I told y’all in yesterday’s post that I wanted to start this year’s MONTH OF MEL off on a different foot. I’d like to do a week of giving….and I’m going to highlight (mostly) local charities that are important to me and that I’d like to introduce y’all to, and maybe, you’ll be inspired to give to one of the causes I highlight this week, or maybe you’ll donate to one of your favorite causes!  Continue reading

Careful Francis! You’re ruffling some vestments!

I’m not Catholic, but I was married into a Catholic family for almost 20 years so I have a pretty good grasp of Catholicism. Also, my kid goes to a catholic high school… I knew this pope was different when he took my name. We made a deal, you see. And so far, he’s holding up to his end of the bargain.

Back in June, he donned his tiara and said: ‘”The lord has redeemed all of us, not just Catholics, even the atheists,”

Which is awful cool of him. Honestly. You know that behind the scenes, the dudes in charge all had puckered assholes. WTF did he say? He can’t be telling everyone they can be redeemed! Hell! We’ve made several lifetimes of money based on guilt and exclusivity. So they had a meeting and he took it back. Sort of.

pope-francis-not-judging-gays-somewhat_topical-ecards-someecardsBut this week? Oh the pope made me proud he took my name. “If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?”

“It’s funny, it’s just like politics,” Maher continued. “The hierarchy at the Vatican was like ‘What the fuck did this guy just say?’ You could almost see them preparing the poison. ‘Luckily we’ve got a spare pope!’” (said in reference to even atheists can be redeemed. But NOW that the Pope is damn near flying his rainbow flag high, I think that Maher’s statement is even more applicable!)

Here’s the thing. “Who am I to judge?” should just be EVERYONE’S tagline. I’m just proud this catholic political leader is the first of his kind to say it. Out loud.

Who are we to judge anyone?

We are human. We are fallible. We make mistakes. There may or may not be eternal damnation or celebration waiting for us if we fuck up too much then die. But, as humans, who are we to judge anyone? I thought that was the whole point of that one verse in the Bible…

Matthew 7: 1-5

1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

Not that I care one way or the other what you do, because it’s not my business. But those who are all in a tizzy about Pope Francis sticking to the Bible he preaches…maybe they should revisit that very same bible…


Oh my bootay hurts! In Operation Bootylicious news, yesterday I walked a total of 4.5 miles. It was a good day, but damn my butt muscles are sore! It wasn’t too terribly long ago that I was walking 4-5 miles a day, 5 days a week. Whew. I’ve got a ways to go before I’m back to that. But I’m well on my way to success.  I love the way my clothes are fitting me, so I just gotta keep plugging along.

Metaphorically throwing away the scale has made a difference in my attitude.

If it’s not raining at lunch, I’ll be doing my daily walk with Marissa. If it is…well, I’ll just take that as a sign from the Bootay Gods that I needed a day of rest.

Tonight I have supper club with my girls. I can’t wait! I’m cooking the main dish: Shrimp Primavera. And it’s gonna be EFFING AWESOME.

fuck. yeah.


Have a happy Twofer Tuesday, Bitches!


When a woman of substance becomes one with her substance

OMG y’all! I did yoga on Saturday. Well, I did “yoga”. It wasn’t exactly pretty, but it wasn’t a total fail either.











I’m obviously so at peace. Right? (Helpful hint #1) fresh pedicures are very important for yoga, otherwise you may or may not obsess about your gross, callused, bootcamp feet the whole time… )


OK. So my friends Crystal and Charity (the twins) both attend this class and they volunteered to be my photag for this adventure. They did a fabulous job. But let me go on record to say that the ‘close up’ picture of the above shot WILL NEVER BE SEEN IN PUBLIC. I kinda look like a beached manatee. So sexy. And I know the purpose of yoga is to free your mind of the external bullshit and love yourself and your body…but trust me when I say, if I look at that close up too much, there will never be any yoga ever again in my future.


See that adorable pixie in the blue yoga pants? That’s Brandi Soucy. She was our instructor. She’s amazingly gentle and adorable. And so bloody flexible!


I believe it was at about this point I said “AM I SUPPOSED TO BE SWEATING LIKE THIS? WE’RE JUST STANDING HERE!” apparently the answer is yes. Yes, you sweat in yoga.




Here I am with Charity (left) and Crystal (right). Yes. I’m talking about the actual women, not my boobs.


However, they seemed to be very impressed with the girls. I have to brag, I did NOT suffocate during downward dog and that makes me very happy. I strapped my girls in very well.



Sweet Brandi! I think I’m going to attend class again. I may try to do 2 classes a month for a while. I’d like to do it weekly, but I’m just not ready for that yet.

My experience was amazing. And let me just add, that two hour nap I took afterward? It was like a coma.

Thank you ladies for a fantastic experience and for not making me feel like a manatee out of water!

Happiest of Hours

We had an impromptu happy hour at the compound yesterday afternoon. It was lovely.

Before the gathering, I soaked up all the vitamin D possible. I pretended I was on a beautiful beach in the Caribbean, being served lovely, strong island beverages by handsome young, shirtless men.

Don’t you wish you were me?





So, I’ve been on an eternal quest for a healthier lifestyle…for oh, let’s say, eternity.

In March, I added a new skin care regime, because as I lose weight, it is highly possibly that I’ll get wrinkles. And as a woman of 44 years, who still gets carded on a regular basis, the last thing I need or want is to get wrinkles. At least, not yet.

I’ve been using Meaningful Beauty for 3 full months now, and this is me today, without any makeup on and no filters.

Today: No makeup. Fewer laugh lines and crows feet

Today: No makeup. Fewer laugh lines and crows feet

Not too bad for a 44 year old broad, huh? I was trying to find a good comparison picture. I found 1 that would work, but I have full makeup and glasses on so it was difficult to see the difference around the eyes. However the difference around the mouth is pretty significant.

Now, I purchased this product, so MB isn’t paying me anything to review it. Here’s what I have to say.

Yes, my skin looks fantastic and feels SMOOOOOOVE like a baby’s bottom. I’ve noticed a definite fading of crow’s feet and my laugh lines (which I actually love) are noticeably less prominent. I have no issues going without makeup (even though I need new lashes ASAP. Has anyone seen my eyes? Yeah, me either.)

I’m not a huge fan of the cleansing lotion. It doesn’t foam or bubble up, and I feel like I’m having to use more of it than I should. The kit doesn’t come with a night cream, so I use the day cream at night. That’s a huge disappointment. You have the option to ‘customize’ your kit and can add the night cream that way.

I also do not like the “club” set up, however, I have my automatic delivery for 20 weeks, which I can change at any time if I run low. That’s a nice option. Most “clubs” force your into a 90 Day /12 week automatic delivery.

The price point isn’t bad, especially if you set up your delivery for 4 months or more. I don’t need to use a lot of product, one little dab will do ya… or at least it does me. I’ve decided to keep using the product for at least one more round.

In Eating Cleaner news:

I fired up the grill and loaded it with some awesome locally grown veggies this weekend. Sweet potatoes, asparagus, okra, squash, green beans, tomatoes. I also grilled some pineapple, which was oh so yummy. We ate very well this weekend, let me tell ya.

I walked every day for an hour. Monday was hard because Sunday I had some girlfriends over and we enjoyed muy wine. I’ll have you know, I still did not go over my calories for the day, thankyouverymuch.

In OMG how awesome news, I met Ian’s friend-girl this week. (OMG, she’s adorbs). I’m not sure if they’re going to officially ‘date’ or not, it’s really not my business yet (it won’t be until it’s her birthday or Christmas, and then I’ll need to know if I need to buy her a present or not. Haha) But anyway, we were all hanging out on Wednesday and we were talking about parents and parenting styles etc., and I made a comment that sometimes parents have really high expectations of their kids and no matter what they accomplish, it won’t be enough because they expect more. (this is a concept I don’t understand as a parent, but I understand as a kid of those parents.) I said, “for example, I’ve published two young adult novels with a very prestigious publisher, and sometimes I think my mom still thinks I could do better.” She stopped and looked at me and said, “Wait. You’re Melissa Francis? As in BITE ME AND LOVE SUCKS Melissa Francis?”

Me: Yep.


Me: Happy happy joy joy can’t stop smiling.

And in other O517I1Qi7nnL._SY300_MG Awesome News…I got to see my Stacey Jay this weekend! Have you pre-ordered her latest book yet? WHY NOT?


order it. devour it. review it. and email Stacey and tell her she is made of awesome. (because she totes is).

Find Stacey on Facebook

Stacey on the web

Stacey on Twitter: @stacey_jay

Okay, there’s my weekend recap. It was a great weekend. The boys enjoyed Riverfest. Jefe and I enjoyed each other and the beautiful weather, and I also enjoyed my girl time with some of my besties. Life doesn’t suck.

back from Cleavage, um I mean, Beaver Lake

It takes 4 hours to drive to Beaver Lake. My air is out in my car. I was swimming in my own sweat by the time I arrived.

It was so worth it.

I am back. Relaxed. And ready to rock.

Oh. and I tried out a new bathing suit…you guys think I’ve done cleavage before? Um no. This suit was made in Cleavagetown designed by Cleavage von Cleavageton. I love the suit, but I’m not so sure it’s suitable for mixed company. Or at least if children are nearby. Like in the same county.

I thought about posting a picture, but then I might have to change the rating of this blog…

Oh hell. Why not? You tell me, yay or nay? Do I bravely wear this suit amongst the mere mortals or do I wear it only amongst my goddess like girlfriends?

Did y’all have a good weekend?

blinded by the lake…

First off, I’d like to thank everyone for the kind text messages and emails checking to make sure that we were not where the flash flooding occured. We were about an hour away, and we were in a house on a hill. There was no flooding whatsoever in our area. What happened at the Albert Pike Campground was a terrible tragedy. A flash flood at 5:30 A.M. in a remote area is just not something anyone can prepare for. I’m so thankful we are all safe and alive. My heartfelt prayers go to the families and friends who lost someone in the flood.
Now onto today’s blog…
The weekend was fabulous except for 1 tiny little glitch… My beautiful red glasses are now being worn by some stylish fish in Lake Ouachita.
Yeah. You know something like that had to happen. Of course, I didn’t have any contacts with me (had an eye infection a few weeks ago, remember? I’m not wearing those contacts again until I get new ones…) And of course, I didn’t bring an extra pair of glasses, cuz why would I? I’ve been wearing my glasses on the lake for 30+ years…I’ve never lost them before! Why would I lose them now?
Well, because sometimes Karma likes to have a little fun with a girl, that’s why. But it’s all good. It all worked out. And in the grand scheme of things, this was small potatoes compared to what could have happened. So, I just laughed and cried a little…drank a little, borrowed my friend’s extra pair of glasses (which were surprisingly close to my prescription) and moved on.
Here is the last picture ever taken of me and my awesome glasses. May they swim in peace…

I drove and parked the party barge like a champ. Got a little sun. Had some yummy food. Enjoyed several flavors of Ring Pops. And had a fantastic time with 6 7 (Allana left a little early so she isn’t pictured here) women who I’m lucky to call my friends. Life is good.

and then he was sorry…

My 8 year old had a really, really, really bad day at school a couple of weeks ago.

It was so bad, he came home and told me about it. He told me everything–except for the part where he was extremely rude to the assistant teacher. He absolutely refused to do anything she told him and apparently had a couple of ugly things to say to her in the process.

All this happened on a Friday. On Monday, I get a note filling in the missing pieces of the story. We do the “do you know what you did wrong?” talk and he tells me he’d just had a really bad day and took it out on Mrs. G.

I said, “Well, you should draw her a picture and tell her you’re sorry.”

So he did. I didn’t see the finished picture, but I saw him writing the note to Mrs. G. He told me that afternoon that Mrs. G. really liked his picture and that was that.

Until this morning when I ran into Mrs. G…

Mrs. G: Did you see the picture he drew me?

Me: No. Should I have?

Mrs. G: Laughing Oh Lord, yes.

Me: Worried now. Um. Why?

Mrs. G: Well, (snicker, snort) he drew me a picture of a donkey.

Me: gasp. this didn’t start off promising.

Mrs. G: At the donkey’s head, he wrote my name and drew an arrow. “This is you.”

Me: grimacing

Mrs. G: And at the rear end he wrote, “And this is what I’ve been.”

Well, that did it. I started laughing and couldn’t stop.

Me: Well, I guess he can recognize ass-like behavior afterall.

Mrs. G. went on to say that it was by far the best note of apology she’s ever received.

I should say so.

And they’re off!

Friday, January 20, 2006 is a very special day.

It’s opening day at Oaklawn Park. And I’ll be there. As I have been for the past 5 years.

I’ve been in Oxford for six years now. Since 2001, I’ve been meeting my girlfriends at the horse races on opening day; then in March we go back again for my birthday.

I love the horse races. The animals are magnificant. Big, breathy beasts straining to finish first. Even the plow horses I wind up betting on half the time, finish with pride. (their jockeys? eh. not so much when they finish last)

Last year, the husband of one of my best girlfriends, rented us a car and driver so that we could all drink as much as we wanted. I asked DeeDee if we got lucky again this year, and she said, “Sadly, no. Not this year.” Well, apparently, Chris changed his mind…and he’s giving me my birthday early!Here’s our picture from last year. Aren’t we babes?