Category Archives: WTF

#fatshamed at the gas station

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I won’t lie. I was fat-shamed a great deal growing up. Even when I wasn’t fat. (Apparently in the 80s having hips and tits made one “fat”). It’s hard to overcome, thankfully as an old lady, I’m learning to love myself as is.

Today, I was fat-shamed “COMPLIMENTED” at the gas station.

Me: Minding my own business, pumping my own gas
Obnoxious Asshole (OA): You’re brave for wearing that*.

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* “that”

Me: (looks down at “that”) Really? Why?
OA:  I mean, for a woman of your size?
Me:  I don’t understand, can you explain?
OA:  It’s a compliment! I said you look good!
Me:  Did you? Because that’s not what I heard.
OA:  You don’t have to be such a bitch about it.
Me: Don’t I?

Here’s the thing, I need to lose weight. I know I do. But I’m working on loving me for me. Who I am on the inside and accepting who I am on the outside AS I AM now.

So when you call me brave for DARING to show my soft belly, I will shame you by feigning ignorance and force you to explain yourself. And if you can’t explain yourself without getting defensive or “mansplaining” you meant it as a compliment when it clearly wasn’t, then you should consider yourself brave for having opened your trash mouth in my vicinity.

I’m not brave. I’m fierce. And you’re a fucking waste of oxygen.

Sparkle on, bitches.

LIFE LESSON: How NOT to handle a customer

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This is a very long post. It is full of pictures. It is also full of awesome. Thank you for stopping by.

On July 23rd, Robyn and I went to see Star Trek. We chose the Riverdale 10 movie theater because they have the MOST COMFORTABLE recliners around, and because we could have a beer. I mean, hey, who doesn’t love sipping a Guinness at the movie (that you didn’t sneak in yourself…)

We purchased the beverages and popcorn. I was so looking forward to the popcorn because I’d been living la vida low carb for 3 months. That popcorn was going in my mouth and I couldn’t WAIT.

We got settled in, reclined our seats, and started chowing down. The lights had just dimmed as I reached in for my 2nd handful, I popped it into my mouth, and immediately spit out a fresh and minty already chewed piece of gum. That wasn’t mine.

I’ll stop for a moment while you gag. Trust me. It’s 3 weeks later and I’m still gagging. I can still feel someone else’s ALREADY FUCKING CHEWED GUM IN MY MOUTH.

I leaned over and told Robyn. After she stopped herself from throwing up, we decided it was best I go see the manager. When I explained what happened, the manager on duty said “Well that’s weird. We’re not allowed to chew gum behind the counter.”

Me: I get that. But still. There was someone else’s gum in my popcorn. It wasn’t my gum. It was someone else’s. And it came from behind the counter,  so…

MOD: That’s just weird. *turned and yelled* HEY WAS ANYONE CHEWING GUM TONIGHT?

Me: Seriously? Nobody’s going to admit it was theirs. I just want my $4.50 back. That’s it. Thanks.

MOD: Sorry, you’ll have to call Laird. The customer service number is posted on that sign.

Me: Just give me the $4.50 back. That’s all I want. And you’re the manager so you can do that.

MOD: No You have to call Laird.

Me: Fine. May I borrow your phone? 

I dial the number listed and hear an undecipherable message that I’m pretty sure is on an ANSWERING MACHINE from 1987. I leave my name, my telephone number, and a message that says I would like a call back before the movie is over so that I can get my refund.

Of course, no call came. So I call again from my phone, and I said something to the effect of: All I wanted was my $4.50 back for the popcorn. Now I want a full refund of both movie tickets and the popcorn. I’ll happily pay for the 2 beers we drank.

At 8:03 AM Sunday morning, the magical Laird returned my call. He woke me up, but hey, he called me back. He told me multiple times he was on his way to church and stopped by the office and got my message. He listened to what happened, thanked me for calling and not posting a review on social media, he just doesn’t understand why people do that. I laughed.

Me: Oh I posted a review on FB. If your manager had just given my money back, there wouldn’t have been an issue other than just being grossed out for a while. If you would have called me back last night, there wouldn’t have been an issue. But you didn’t. So yes, you got a review.

Laird: I just don’t understand what people want. We post the customer service number.

Me: They want actual customer service.

The conversation goes on and on like that for a while. He never once apologizes for my bad experience. He just says “But they’re not allowed to chew gum.” Over and over. Like that’s the end of it. Then he says he’s going to investigate and get back to me. That was July 24.

Fast forward to yesterday, 08-10-2016–almost 3 full weeks since my incident.

Robyn decided to post a review. We hadn’t heard back. We’d done what they’d ask. So it was time to let the world know that these guys suck. 1

She gave them 2 stars, which I thought was being generous. Then Riverdale 10 decided to respond and things got awesome:

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Someone thought it was a good idea to inform the customer she was wrong in her assessment because they have six employees over the age of 40.And please note the number they asked her to call while trying to slam her from not contacting them privately. That number will be important later on in the show.

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Of course, since I was the one who was the victim of the already chewed gum, I decided to remind them that I did, in fact call…

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Then I thought this person might need a lesson in how to handle customer complaints.

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At this point, I figure it’s over and done with. Surely a manager or the owner has seen they have a troll who is managing their FB page and SURELY they’ve shut it down. Right? LOL Wrong.

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Did you read all of that? No? Me either. I did skim it. Apparently Riverdale 10 loves good feedback, thinks I’m angry and public shaming them (I guess they don’t think having a customer find already chewed gum in their popcorn is HORRIFYING) and that if I had JUST CONTACTED THEM PRIVATELY, this would have all been taken care of. And then they proceeded to attempt to shame me like I was Cersi Lannister. Sorry honey, but Melf don’t play that.

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The Riverdale 10 person proceeded to rant on…

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and that’s when I dropped the hammer:

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Now, Robyn and I couldn’t help but poke a little fun after this, because frankly, it had been the most entertaining day either of us have had in a while. I can’t remember laughing so hard. I mean, I know this guy wasn’t trying to be funny, but he was hysterical. His customer service skills are spot on! Even our friend Marissa got a little hammer drop in there herself!

Not long after the proof was offered and we started openly mocking him, the entire thread disappeared. I guess this poor twerp doesn’t understand the concept of screenshots.

BTW, I’ve been told by a former employee that the only person who handles the FB page is the Owner of the theater. So no, it wasn’t some little college kid twerp who should be fired. It was the owner, who doesn’t give a shit if his customers find already chewed gum in their popcorn.

Because his employees don’t chew gum…

I’m pissed. I’m fired up. And I’m on a mission.

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We don’t have a government. We have a bunch of pissed off toddlers throwing a goddamned tantrum for not getting their way in the grocery store.

I’m angry. I am so disgusted and disappointed in and ashamed of our elected officials that I can’t even describe it. And the most infuriating part of it all? Sure they’ll shut down the government to try to bully people into doing what they want, but are THEY going without pay? Fuck no. Of course not. Continue reading →

chiggers are the devil’s pets and they should burn.

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chiggerI will say a scalding hot bath and endless scratching does help ease their torture. As does benadryl and benadryl cream.

I was asleep before 10 last night, thanks to the little pink pills.

Honestly, a sandpaper massage sounds damn near heavenly! I haven’t had chigger bites like this in 20 years! Sure I get the occasional bite on my feet, but from torso-to-toe? No. Not since I was a kid.

People mistakenly believe that chiggers burrow into the skin and stay for days, but that’s not true. They actually inject enzymes into the skin that break down skin cells. The itching begins when the little fuckers have filled up on your skin cells and they leave you to take a nap. I wish it was a dirt nap. but no. Just a plain old nap like your fat uncle Morty who wears sweatpants to lunch on Thanksgiving day.

Anyway, I’m better today. I think the worst is past me. But…now my legs look like I have leprosy. If you see me on the streets in rags, just donate to my calamine lotion funds and walk away. Don’t stare too long at the constellation of scabs. They’ll start to scare you.

Later bitches! I have some scratching to do.

 

So…I was making out with Fabio last night…

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Okay. I’m going to give you a rare glimpse inside my brain. You’re welcome.

Last night, I was watching REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER (btw, my favorite text ever from Rader was when he sent me a picture of Bill Maher and asked “Are you sure he isn’t my real father?”) Anyway, Dan Savage was on and it was one of the funniest episodes I’ve seen in a while. If you get a chance, please watch the 5:48 video just for a laugh and to see a very conservative former republican senator from Florida get very uncomfortable and make the “I smell bad ham” face.

So this is how my brain works. I was thinking that Dan Savage was the guy who did the satire romance novel covers, but he isn’t. I know that now (click that link for a good laugh). But, last night, I went to bed thinking he was that guy and when I think about romance novel covers, I often think of Fabio.

Who wouldn’t, right?

Ribbet collageOkay, so there I am, falling asleep with Fabio on my mind…and suddenly, there he is in my dream.

We’re in the library and there’s a party. And he’s pursuing me. He wants me badly. (I mean, duh!) and he finally pulls me onto his lap in a dark corner and we kiss. And after a few minutes (I had to be SURE) I tell him, “Sorry. This just isn’t working for me.”

And he’s all “I’m Fabio! I work for everyone!”

And I say, “Well, I’m not everyone. And you should learn to kiss better. I don’t have time or desire to teach you.” and I try to get up. But he holds me down and gives me a GIANT HICKEY ON MY CHEST. And then he puts a band-aid on it and says, “You’re branded now. You’re mine.”

I’m pissed. “What are you? 14?” And I dramatically storm off to tell everyone that Fabio gave me a hickey against my will. And everyone tells me I should have been nicer to him. Nobody tells Fabio he doesn’t kiss well, even if it’s true.  He’s FABIO for chissakes!

So yeah. That’s how my brain works. It’s scary, right?

Scary AWESOME.

Fabio

to scale or not to scale, that is the question.

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I have decided NOT to scale anymore.

Fuck you, scales. You’re a Liar McLiarpants and I don’t like liars.

tumblr_m7oay3FSlX1rn13nao1_500Seriously? I know muscle weighs more than fat. I know I’m muscular and tend to develop quickly when working out…which is why I’m using low weights/high reps. Not that I’m afraid of bulking up…I’m not. I WANT to build muscle. I need to increase my metabolism and I know I am because I’m waking up starving to death in the mornings.

But my scales are an asshole. Complete and total asshole.

So I’ve decided to stop weighing. Because it does nothing but depress me. Especially since I’ve spent the last 3 weeks doing nothing but journaling my food/calories and working out like a boss and eating and drinking right…and then I weigh and it tells me I’ve gained 4 more pounds.

Go home scales, you’re drunk.

Do you know how hard not weighing is going to be for me?

scale-photoI know that weighing goes back to my dreaded high school years when I kept being “put” on a diet. You know, because being 5’6 with hips and weighing 140 lbs was considered fat in the 80s. They weren’t big fans of the Big Butt, So What school of thought back then.

Anyway, I was expected to weigh in at least once a week. Unfortunately, I start getting weirdly competitive with myself and start weighing daily…I tell myself it’s to keep track of my progress, so I can catch myself gaining again. The problem with that is, I start to obsess. And then I get pissed off when I KNOW I’m doing everything right and the scale refuses to acknowledge my hard work.

I’m going to hide them. Actually, I’m going to give them to El Jefe and tell him to hide them. Somewhere I’ll never look. Probably a good spot would be where we store the dusting supplies, since I never dust.

Fuck you, Scales. I’m so over you. We’re breaking up. I hear Taylor Swift may be looking for a new relationship. If you’re lucky, maybe she’ll write a song about you.

And to end on a happy note, here’s the gratuitous cat picture of the day. Big Baby: He’s such a big baby.

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Things you may have missed this week if you’ve been living under a rock. #NSA

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Soooo, I’ve had a bee-in-my-bonnet this week and I unleashed the Rant Kraken on my blog.

I figure since I’m on a roll with my opinions which I am stating on my blog which nobody is telling you to read, that maybe I should continue on…

Let’s talk about the NSA… (Hi, NSA. I know this is going to put me on your watch list. You’ll find my texts rather boring, I’m afraid. I usually only talk about wine and weekend plans which usually include more wine. Sometimes we make fun of people (which I’m not proud of, but honestly, some people are just asking for it.)

I cannot believe people are NOT up in arms about what our government is doing to us right now. That fucking Patriot Act opened the door to this, but the Obama administration is allowing it to happen, and that’s not okay. (and dude. I voted for you.  I like you. BUT THIS? Not. Ok.)

Wait, you ask, what’s happening with the NSA that’s so bad to make you mad at your dude, Obama?

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I answer.can-you-hear-me-NSA

So, the abridged story is…the NSA has been illegally gathering all of our cell phone data. Our text messages, calls, metadata…ALL OF IT. And they’re looking for key words and patterns and they’re using the Patriot Act to back them up. Yes. They have your information. All of it………

That nasty text message you sent to your husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, stranger? They have it.

That “sexy” picture you took? They have that as well. (BTW, please understand that fat, clammy white guys posing like Burt Reynolds in front of a computer, are not sexy. Not even “sexy”)

Those not so subtle texts about your next weed purchase? Yup. Even that.

Any off color jokes? (yes, the racist ones…) Any of your threats to the President? (even the “jokey” ones) Your private messages to your lover? Your full of crazy rants about your spouse’s ex? Yep, those, too.

Those stalking texts? Those “jokes” about blowing up government buildings? Yeah…they’re not being considered “jokes” dude.

Let me break it down for you. When I worked for ALLTEL in the fraud department, I worked alongside law enforcement to track cloning and subscription fraud rings. I could detect patterns, and flag accounts, but if the cops called asking for information about a specific number or data, THEY HAD TO HAVE A SUBPOENA. Because it’s ILLEGAL to access personal, private records without just cause…You know, so they don’t violate the 4th Amendment of our Constitution.

The Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution reads:

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Do you understand what it means to our privacy and our security now that our government has decided that the 4th Amendment is “just a suggestion?” They are treating it like it’s the Yellow Light of the Law. They are using our fears of another attack like 9-11 to justify their illegal seizure of our private information.

And instead of getting pissed off about losing their rights, people are wasting their time moaning and groaning about “the gays” getting equal rights! WTF is wrong with this country!?

AND NOW! our country is trying to apprehend the man who leaked the information to Americans because they consider him a traitor to our country.

trai·tor

/ˈtrātər/
Noun

A person who betrays a friend, country, principle, etc.

Hey, NSA. Y’all are the traitors. Y’all are the ones who are ignoring our constitution and acting like the GEE DEE Gestapo. Snowden is a fucking hero. He saw what y’all were doing was illegal, he called you out on it, and now you’re trying to punish him BECAUSE YOU GOT CAUGHT BETRAYING YOUR OWN PEOPLE.

NSA–and all those involved in allowing this to go on–y’all are assholes.

ASSHOLE is the word of the week.

I’m as left of center as you can get without being a loon. I have supported the Obama administration on so many things…I’m proud they are supporting Equal Rights for all Americans. I am proud of Obamacare and their attempt to make healthcare available to all Americans. I am proud they are trying to help the immigrants already in the country become citizens. BUT, if this administration doesn’t do something to stop the illegal seizure of our information, I’m going to seriously have to reconsider living here.

Honestly. Once you take a right from the people, it’s damn near impossible to get it back.

And I want my right to privacy returned to me. PRONTO.

 

 

 

Dear #Walgreens CEO Gregory D. Wasson

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Like, NEVER.

Like, NEVER.

Dear Walgreens’ CEO Gregory D. Wasson,

I’ve been a huge fan of Walgreens over the years. For the longest time, it was my favorite place to run in to pick up something quick, grab a soda, or a quick 6-pack, and I’ve exclusively used your pharmacy for years.

And then you guys decided to buy USA Drug. Up until that moment, I never had a complaint. I had great service. Rarely had to wait in line. The pharmacists were always helpful and the techs always courteous.

That has consistently not been the case since your company took on USA Drug’s clientele. It’s not the employees’ fault they are overworked and understaffed, but you know what? It’s DEFINITELY not the customer’s fault either.

Now, we’ve had similar experiences at various Walgreens in different locations, but the purpose of this letter is to talk to you about the store in Bryant, Arkansas. We have decided that this location is probably a combination of the 5th, 7th, and 8th Circles of Hell…right here on earth.

My partner is on a Schedule II controlled substance and has been for 15 years or more. He has had this same prescription for as long as he can remember. Last month, when he took his prescription in, the pharmacist gave him some flack, but filled it anyway. However this month, the pharmacist refused saying “I have never seen this prescription written for a man your age, and I’m not going to fill it.”

Um. Well, he’s not the physician, so the dosage is not his call.

So we called his physician and had him “approve” the prescription as written. They also sent the information to the insurance company so there wouldn’t be anymore push back from the all-knowing pharmacist.

We called and spoke to a pharmacy tech last Thursday, a week after all the approvals were sent through because we had not been informed that his prescription was ready. The tech said the prescription would be filled and ready to be picked up after work.

Imagine my partner’s surprise when he arrived after work, waited in the drive through for 15 minutes only to be told they were out of the medicine and it would be at least a week before they got more in. There was no offer to send the prescription to another Walgreens and there was no offer to return the prescription to him so he could have it filled elsewhere.

I would like to say the story ends here, but sadly, it does not. At this point in the story, he has been more than a week without his medication.

Friday, he calls his physician to see if they can recommend a real pharmacy that will actually fill the prescription as prescribed. The office tells him to go pick up his prescription from Walgreens and gives him the address of a new, legitimate pharmacy. He drives to Walgreens, goes into the store and waits for a half hour while they look for his now missing prescription.

Yes. somehow, they’ve lost a prescription for a schedule II controlled substance. So he now has to go to his physician’s office, pick up a NEW prescription to take to the new, legitimate pharmacy.

Since Walgreens is on every corner, you’d think it would be convenient, huh? Well, obviously not.

I have never had too much of a problem with this particular store until recently when they’ve run out of medicine and not informed me prior to pick up. Lately, I’ve had to wait in line for up to 30 minutes to get my medicine, and that’s not really convenient, but it’s not a game changer for me.

However, Friday, June 14, 2013…the very same Friday Walgreens lost a prescription for my partner’s schedule II controlled substance…I went to pick up my refills to go out of town. I had received my confirmation call and a text message telling my prescriptions were ready. I get there, I wait in line 15 minutes and I’m told that there is no prescription ready for me. I showed the girl the text message and say, clearly there should be. I tell her I’m going out of town and need my BP meds before I leave. She tells me they’ll get them ready for me in 15 minutes. And they do…however, I have to wait another 30 minutes in line to pick them up!

This is inexcusable and bad business. Between the multiple bad experience my partner has had, and then the experiences we both had on Friday at the same store, we are done.

It seems that purchasing USA Drug was not such a good idea because your customer service has bitten the dust. Your pharmacies aren’t stocking their medications properly, and your pharmacists (at least one at the Bryant store) are practicing out of their scope. Losing a prescription for a controlled substance is unprofessional and as far as I’m concerned, unredeemable.

Losing our business probably won’t do much to your bottom line, and that’s okay with me. But, I am quite certain after our experiences, we are not the only business you’re losing. I’m just one of the few who will let you know why.

Sincerely,

Melissa Francis, author, mother, partner and now FORMER customer

ETA:  Update on the Walgreens at the bottom of this blog post.