I’ve got a plan

I know that those creepy little Elf on a Shelf dudes are evil. However, I have decided to get one…and he’s going to be so awesomely happy, he will not be decking my halls with the blood of the innocent. Or my blood, for that matter.

We really want to avoid scenes like this at all cost…

If I go missing…y’all look for me inside local wells, basements, dark corners where dark deeds can happen… I’m afraid I’ll be rubbing the lotion on the skin for Buffalo Belf.

Elf on Shelf is almost equal to Clowns for me…but I will overcome this creep-factor. One day at a time…

this is so not cool

SOMEONE, and I’m not naming names (*koff* fishdog *koff*) sent this link to me last night.  Here, let me save you the trouble of clicking:

I’m torn about this. You see, I can’t really look at this picture without wanting to cry. Remember last Halloween?

However, I actually think a yard full of those awful creatures (with a few Big Headed Kings from BK thrown in) makes for great Halloween decor. It’s just too bad I would be too terrified to pull into my driveway. Or sleep. Ever again.

Oh, who am I kidding. I would drown in my own tears.

send in the clowns and watch Melf panic

Before I get to my panic attack, let me show you some fantastic reviews I’ve recently received!

BITE ME! from Leslee at Night Owl Teen Reviews
BITE ME! & LOVE SUCKS! from Sharon’s Garden of Books
LOVE SUCKS! from Zoe’s Book Reviews

go forth and enjoy the awesome…

Okay, I know, you don’t really care about my fabulous reviews. All you care about is my pain…So here, let me share it with you.

Y’all all know I came to work dressed as Mrs. Roper on Friday for costume day. We had a good crowd of costumes…and one of them included a soul-sucking rabid clown from Hell.

Now, I’ve joked in the past about how much I hate clowns, but usually I can handle them. Only Pennywise from Stephen King’s IT has really ever made me wish for instant death. The others I’ve usually managed to just shudder, wrinkle my nose in disgust and move on.

That all changed on Friday.
My co-worker Dan decided to torture me and sadly, there is photographic evidence to prove it.

I’ve never had anything remotely resembling a panic attack until this moment. My heart was racing, I was hyperventilating, laughing nervously until I started crying, and shaking like a polaroid picture. Yeah, I knew it was Dan. Yeah, I knew this was a costume. Yeah, I knew I was safe…but I couldn’t stop my body from taking over and freaking out.

Of course, it didn’t help that Dan was standing behind me saying things like “I live under your bed.” and “I’m very fast. You can run, but I’ll catch you.”

Now you know my Achilles’ Heel, Internetz. With great knowledge comes great responsibility. So don’t clown me unless you wanna die, because I am now carrying a taser in my purse just in case…