let me catch you up on very important things

1.  I haven’t felt well off and on for a month of so. Tired. Neck pain. Headaches. I blamed the pollen and I just picked myself up by the bootstraps and marched on.

Until this week when I was taken down by dizziness and stiff neck and headaches…powerful, yucky, no fun, headaches. And there was a knot on my face by my ear. And the right side of my face was swollen.

Guess who has an ear infection? This girl.

And it looks like it’s been going on a while. So I’m on loads of antibiotics for 10 days. Yippee.

 2.  Speaking of antibiotics…Walgreens is this [] close to losing my business. I waited in line for 25 minutes just to drop off the prescription… and only 1 person moved in the line. So I came back an hour later. The drive through was stacked 3 cars deep on each side. I went in…and waited 10 minutes just to drop it off…they said they would text me…it should be 20 minutes. An hour and a half later, at 8:59 pm, I got the text that my prescription was ready. The pharmacy closes at 9:00…so who didn’t get to start her medicine this morning? This girl.

Not cool, Walgreens. And this is not the first time this has happened. Jefe waited for an hour for his prescription that was only going to take a ‘few minutes.’ (hint: 60 minutes is way more than a few minutes.)

3.  In the world of AWESOME news…BITE ME! and LOVE SUCKS! will be featured in the Scholastic e-book club starting in August! Yay! This is huge news and could be a big boost for the books. So gang, tell your friends to buy my books when they get their book club order forms!

4.  My father-in-law, Poppy, is back in the hospital due to complications from his recent gall-bladder surgery. Any love, prayers or healing thoughts you can send his way will be much appreciated.

I’m meeting some friends from high school tonight. Even though I have an alien baby growing inside my face, I’m gonna tough it out for a margarita. I’m hoping the antibiotic will kick in and immediately start shrinking Susie (the knot, er, I mean, the alien baby). Also, I think the margarita will help me feel less dizzy.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Sad News, Happy News

Last night, Ruby went missing for over an hour. We let her out with Trin-Trin like we always do. She didn’t come back after about 20 minutes, which is unusual, so we started to look for her. We searched 3 different properties that are attached and cover more than 10 acres. We searched across the street, even though she has never ventured across the street before. Nothing.

Finally, after more than an hour, I looked in a different ditch across the street, and there she was. Shivering and weak. I picked her up and there was no yelping, so I didn’t think she got hit. She had a scraped bottom lip that was bleeding, and that seemed to be the extent of her injuries.

We thought she may have gotten scared by a car and fell down the ditch and then was just too cold to move.

However, once she warmed up, we discovered her sweet little pug tail was broken. Hanging limp as a noodle. And she was having a real difficult time with her back legs. She’s at the vet now and we are waiting to hear what’s going on. Poor Ruby-Doobie-Doo. It looks like she was definitely clipped by a car. So we wait.

We’re all pulling for you Rubes.

Now, in happier news…

Remember how I sold German Rights to BITE ME?

Well, we can add LOVE SUCKS! to that mix now! That’s right! Lovely Agent emailed me this morning and said CORA wanted to buy the rights to LOVE SUCKS! Yippee!!

dein erster und letzter biss


That’s what the German version of BITE ME! is called. And check out the cover!

Hehehehehehe Yes, I’m a little giddy.

It went on sale this week…and if you read German or just want to have this fantastic version for yourself, you can order it online…

Kindle Edition

Direct from the Publisher

C’mon. You know this is cool stuff….

Speaking of cool stuff…

BITE ME! and LOVE SUCKS! are available on Kindle for $3.79 right now. Get thee over there and take advantage of these bargains!

In other news, I walked 4 miles last night with my pal Eric. (the same pal I walked the Half Marathon with a couple of years ago.) It was good to get out and enjoy the beautiful scenery. It’s where I find my spirit and peace. And I woke up this morning totally at peace.

Who wouldn’t find peace after spending an hour here?

oops! I had mail!

Fishdog informed me today that he discovered a glitch in the code of my contact form page…therefore I haven’t received many of your emails! ACK!

So sorry about that. I did respond to all of the ones he found and forwarded to me. I am especially thrilled to report that I got fan mail from Romania! Woohoo! That’s a first!

The biggest question asked was “will there be a third book in the series.” I’m sorry to report that it doesn’t look like it, at this time. But y’all keep spreading your love for the series and who knows what will happen?

I read all of my fan mail and try to respond in a much more timely fashion. I promise. Nothing makes me smile brighter than reading happy notes about something I worked very hard on!

Thanks to all of you! (except for the anonymous ones that thankfully I didn’t have to read due to the glitch…)

In other news… well, it’s Friday. And I’m very glad about it. I think I’ll go to lunch with my college boy and after work, I will take a walk. It’s too pretty to stay inside…

Of course, you know that means it’s gonna rain now, right?

Happy weekend, y’all!

Month of Mel 2012: Day 20

Welcome to all the new traffic! I’m sorry to say I’m not the Melissa Francis you’re looking for, though she is awesome. I “interviewed” her in 2009 after she emailed me. I was getting lots of searches for “Melissa Francis Pregnant” and she totally was, but she wasn’t ready to let the bun out of the oven yet…haha

So, for everyone currently searching for

Melissa Francis boobs (I do have a nice rack, but I don’t think you’re looking for me)
Melissa Francis hot (aw, I’m blushing)
Melissa Francis nude (you really DON’T wanna see that)
Melissa Francis tits (see boobs)
Melissa Francis sexy legs (not really, but hers are great)
Melissa Francis Fox or CNBC

 this is who you’re looking for:

I’m sad to say she’s now with *barf* Fox Business, but hey, even good people can be drawn to the dark side… as long as she keeps her sense of humor, she’ll be just fine. You can find her on twitter: @MelissaAFrancis

This is who I am:

I’m a red head; she’s blond. I’m write fiction; she works for Fox (same thing, almost…) I’m a smart ass; she’s smart. This is my birthday month, hers is in December.

While you’re here, I think you should check out my books and buy them because A: I’m awesome and would like to get a royalty check one day. B: You’re already here, so all you have to do is click the links on the sidebar to support the arts. C: Don’t you want all Melissa Francis’s to be successful?

Here, I’ll make it really easy for you:



at 8.99 per book, this is quite a bargain! (also available on Kindle and Nook…)

Coming soon to a bookstore in FRANCE near you…

How do you say BITE ME! and LOVE SUCKS! in French? I don’t have a clue, but we’ll soon find out! From Publisher’s Marketplace:

International rights: Children’s

French rights to Melissa Francis’s BITE ME! And LOVE SUCKS, to Bibliotheque Interdite, by Anne Lenclud, on behalf of Elaine Spencer at The Knight Agency.

I’m totally stoked! YAY!

2011: Month of Mel Day 21: FRESH PICK!

March 21, 2011

LOVE SUCKS! Was chosen by Fresh Fiction as today’s Fresh Pick!

The Fresh Pick is chosen by a group of readers and is never a
purchased advertisement or promotion. We’ve chosen your book
because it appeals to us and we like to share our diverse tastes
in reading and hope other readers will give it a try.

Here’s a link to their orignial review if you haven’t seen it yet.

Thank you Fresh Fiction! This made my day!

In other news, my hardcore cat, Clementine, gifted me with a dead bird this morning. Oh boy, that sure was fun to clean up. She was so proud. I was soooo, grossed out.


Today is El Jefe’s birthday so I took the day off. Yay me! Yay for El Jefe!

My visit with the Augusta School was pretty awesome. Had a good talk, signed some books, sold a few books and had a fantastic lunch at the Mexican Gas Station. I love small towns. Really, where else can you get great food at a gas station?
Have a great Monday. See you tomorrow!

what a difference a week makes

Last week, I had the worst Wednesday ever. ..

Today, I woke up feeling all sparkly on the inside. Did the Sandman give me a Red Bull in my sleep? Did the Sparkle Monkey visit me? Where did all this energy come from?

Oh who cares where all the sparkly goodness came from. I’ll take it.

Last night my nephew started talking about when BITE ME! and LOVE SUCKS! goes to Hollywood to make a movie that he couldn’t wait to go help me cast the movie. He thinks he should be able to play Oz (Ryan’s baby brother). He says he could totally dye his hair red and get freckles for the role.

He’s right. He totally could.

He talks about the books being made into movies all the time. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

Dear Garry Marshall Fancy Hollywood Producer

Please buy my movie rights and make my books into the best movie ever so my
nephew Ryan’s dream will come true. He’s okay if he doesn’t get cast in the
movie, but he has totally made me promise that he gets to walk the red carpet
with me when it premieres.

C’mon dude! Work with me here!


You think that’ll help?