let me catch you up on very important things

1.  I haven’t felt well off and on for a month of so. Tired. Neck pain. Headaches. I blamed the pollen and I just picked myself up by the bootstraps and marched on.

Until this week when I was taken down by dizziness and stiff neck and headaches…powerful, yucky, no fun, headaches. And there was a knot on my face by my ear. And the right side of my face was swollen.

Guess who has an ear infection? This girl.

And it looks like it’s been going on a while. So I’m on loads of antibiotics for 10 days. Yippee.

 2.  Speaking of antibiotics…Walgreens is this [] close to losing my business. I waited in line for 25 minutes just to drop off the prescription… and only 1 person moved in the line. So I came back an hour later. The drive through was stacked 3 cars deep on each side. I went in…and waited 10 minutes just to drop it off…they said they would text me…it should be 20 minutes. An hour and a half later, at 8:59 pm, I got the text that my prescription was ready. The pharmacy closes at 9:00…so who didn’t get to start her medicine this morning? This girl.

Not cool, Walgreens. And this is not the first time this has happened. Jefe waited for an hour for his prescription that was only going to take a ‘few minutes.’ (hint: 60 minutes is way more than a few minutes.)

3.  In the world of AWESOME news…BITE ME! and LOVE SUCKS! will be featured in the Scholastic e-book club starting in August! Yay! This is huge news and could be a big boost for the books. So gang, tell your friends to buy my books when they get their book club order forms!

4.  My father-in-law, Poppy, is back in the hospital due to complications from his recent gall-bladder surgery. Any love, prayers or healing thoughts you can send his way will be much appreciated.

I’m meeting some friends from high school tonight. Even though I have an alien baby growing inside my face, I’m gonna tough it out for a margarita. I’m hoping the antibiotic will kick in and immediately start shrinking Susie (the knot, er, I mean, the alien baby). Also, I think the margarita will help me feel less dizzy.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

dein erster und letzter biss


That’s what the German version of BITE ME! is called. And check out the cover!

Hehehehehehe Yes, I’m a little giddy.

It went on sale this week…and if you read German or just want to have this fantastic version for yourself, you can order it online…

Kindle Edition

Direct from the Publisher

C’mon. You know this is cool stuff….

Speaking of cool stuff…

BITE ME! and LOVE SUCKS! are available on Kindle for $3.79 right now. Get thee over there and take advantage of these bargains!

In other news, I walked 4 miles last night with my pal Eric. (the same pal I walked the Half Marathon with a couple of years ago.) It was good to get out and enjoy the beautiful scenery. It’s where I find my spirit and peace. And I woke up this morning totally at peace.

Who wouldn’t find peace after spending an hour here?

oops! I had mail!

Fishdog informed me today that he discovered a glitch in the code of my contact form page…therefore I haven’t received many of your emails! ACK!

So sorry about that. I did respond to all of the ones he found and forwarded to me. I am especially thrilled to report that I got fan mail from Romania! Woohoo! That’s a first!

The biggest question asked was “will there be a third book in the series.” I’m sorry to report that it doesn’t look like it, at this time. But y’all keep spreading your love for the series and who knows what will happen?

I read all of my fan mail and try to respond in a much more timely fashion. I promise. Nothing makes me smile brighter than reading happy notes about something I worked very hard on!

Thanks to all of you! (except for the anonymous ones that thankfully I didn’t have to read due to the glitch…)

In other news… well, it’s Friday. And I’m very glad about it. I think I’ll go to lunch with my college boy and after work, I will take a walk. It’s too pretty to stay inside…

Of course, you know that means it’s gonna rain now, right?

Happy weekend, y’all!

Monat der Mel 2012: Tag 21

Ahem, and for Day 21 of the Month of Mel we celebrate in Lederhosen and drink from steins…because yesterday I sold German rights to BITE ME! in German language worldwide. Plans are for a September 2012 release!

Maybe it will sell well and they’ll decide to purchase rights to LOVE SUCKS! next.

In other, less exciting news, IT IS RAINING ALL THE RAIN today. ALL. THE. RAIN.

We needed it to wash away the pollen, but we didn’t need this much. And we’re expecting up to 5 inches more today. Whoa and Damn. Lots of water falling from the sky and rising up from the rivers.

Despite the gloomy day, I’m a very happy camper. There’s extra sparkle to go around, so if you need some, line up. I gots plenty.

Month of Mel 2012: Day 20

Welcome to all the new traffic! I’m sorry to say I’m not the Melissa Francis you’re looking for, though she is awesome. I “interviewed” her in 2009 after she emailed me. I was getting lots of searches for “Melissa Francis Pregnant” and she totally was, but she wasn’t ready to let the bun out of the oven yet…haha

So, for everyone currently searching for

Melissa Francis boobs (I do have a nice rack, but I don’t think you’re looking for me)
Melissa Francis hot (aw, I’m blushing)
Melissa Francis nude (you really DON’T wanna see that)
Melissa Francis tits (see boobs)
Melissa Francis sexy legs (not really, but hers are great)
Melissa Francis Fox or CNBC

 this is who you’re looking for:

I’m sad to say she’s now with *barf* Fox Business, but hey, even good people can be drawn to the dark side… as long as she keeps her sense of humor, she’ll be just fine. You can find her on twitter: @MelissaAFrancis

This is who I am:

I’m a red head; she’s blond. I’m write fiction; she works for Fox (same thing, almost…) I’m a smart ass; she’s smart. This is my birthday month, hers is in December.

While you’re here, I think you should check out my books and buy them because A: I’m awesome and would like to get a royalty check one day. B: You’re already here, so all you have to do is click the links on the sidebar to support the arts. C: Don’t you want all Melissa Francis’s to be successful?

Here, I’ll make it really easy for you:



at 8.99 per book, this is quite a bargain! (also available on Kindle and Nook…)

paperclips and grilled cheese

Why do you think my titles should have anything to do with my actual blog post?

There was a new review of BITE ME! posted last week that made me smile. I love it when someone picks up my book reluctantly and then ends up thinking it kicks Twilight in the ass pleasantly surprised. Makes my day.

I painted some metal outdoor furniture this weekend. My hands are all cramped up now, but it makes it easier to hold a soda can. No effort at all now. So if holding a soda can (or beer bottle) has been a problem for you in the past, just spray paint furniture for several hours at a time and that problem will fix itself!

I was going for beachy colors, but wound up with Easter Egg colors instead. But it’s an easy fix. Gonna repaint the blue table — Orange(originally I had wanted to be more of an aquamarine than pastel.)

El Jefe and I also split time on the John Deere. Lots of mowing occurred on Saturday, thanks to the massive amounts of rain we’ve had (finally) over the past 2 weeks.

Sunday, we made our way to Birdrunner’s new place where El Jefe worked on electronic stuff while we talked about putting boxed stuff in the attic. It was a planning session, you see. No actual boxes were put in the corner, because nobody puts boxes in a corner! (or an attic) I also enjoyed her new deck and water feature. As well as the Bud Light Lime.

I also ate nachos.

Coming soon to a bookstore in FRANCE near you…

How do you say BITE ME! and LOVE SUCKS! in French? I don’t have a clue, but we’ll soon find out! From Publisher’s Marketplace:

International rights: Children’s

French rights to Melissa Francis’s BITE ME! And LOVE SUCKS, to Bibliotheque Interdite, by Anne Lenclud, on behalf of Elaine Spencer at The Knight Agency.

I’m totally stoked! YAY!


Today is El Jefe’s birthday so I took the day off. Yay me! Yay for El Jefe!

My visit with the Augusta School was pretty awesome. Had a good talk, signed some books, sold a few books and had a fantastic lunch at the Mexican Gas Station. I love small towns. Really, where else can you get great food at a gas station?
Have a great Monday. See you tomorrow!

ready or not…

It’s Friday! and by the time you read this, I’ll be on my way to Augusta, AR to have a little chat with the high school book club.

Word on the street is they loved BITE ME! and are ready to read LOVE SUCKS!

This makes Melf very happy.

After my chat I’m heading to Oxford to hang with El Jefe for the weekend. It’s his birthday weekend, ya know.

Oh and guess what? Next Friday, I’ll be watching the Neon Trees live and in person! I can’t wait…