Tag Archives: sockmonkey

drunk on a good book

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Poor Sockmonkey. Yesterday was not a good day for her. She had the worst time trying to recover from overdoing it on night one. While I was playing, she was sleeping.

Being the good friend that I am, I let her dry out.

Today, she’s feeling better, but she’s still a little tipsy. And this time, it’s not from the booze. She’s drunk on a good book.

Roxanne St. Claire‘s book, NOW YOU DIE was released today. Go forth and order it.

NOW.

DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200.

This is book #6 in her awesome Bullet Catchers series.

Sockmonkey is riveted. You will be too.

rainy days and the ocean

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I’m blogging over at Fictionistas today about my rainy day at the beach. Pop over and give me some ideas of things I can do today while I’m stuck inside…

Oh, and Sockmonkey… spent the morning in the storm. She’s drying out. Poor thing just didn’t handle the first night of drinking very well…she even did a little drunk dialing last night. I hope she didn’t say anything too bad to Gnomeboy when she called.

I, on the other hand, know when to say when. It took me a long time to learn it…but it does seem that the lesson has finally kicked in.

More tomorrow…or maybe even later today.

be vewy vewy quiet…and a book I should hate.

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Sockmonkey is sleeping hard. Yesterday’s travel was very difficult on her. I don’t think she was quite prepared.

Being the good friend that I am, I’m letting her sleep in. But not for long. Maria and I need to hit the road before that bitch Fay swirls into Tallahassee. We’ll be traveling ahead of her and even though she’s headed west, the extended forecast for our weekend and then the next week’s location seems to be pretty normal for Florida. The highest percentage of rain is for today, which is 40% then it’s 30% and scattered Thunderstorms. I can live with that. Fay will not ruin our getaway! Besides, if it’s raining, we’ll get more work done. In theory.

A BOOK I SHOULD HATE.

I bought this book when I was at BN with ArkansasCyndi the other day. I’ll admit that the backcover blurb totally hooked me. I needed a laugh. Here’s the blurb:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.

But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way. I share my adventures with the world. They are known as:

The Tucker Max Stories

Tucker is an unrepentant, misogynistic, womanizing alcoholic who has lived a life that even my vivid imagination could not conceive.

And I have laughed until I cried on several occasions

It is a horrible book. Seriously. But it’s one of the funniest things I have ever read. If you are sensitive to fat jokes, meanness, bowel movements, or vomit please do not read this book. But if you are looking for an outlandish retelling of various drunken nights out with friends…then oftentimes end or include the above mentioned items, then buy this book. Seriously, funniest damn thing I’ve read in a long, long time.

Congrats to you Tucker Max for making this hog laugh out loud.

T-minus 21 hours

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My flight leaves bright and early tomorrow morning. Of course, I checked the weather and it looks like it’s supposed to rain every day I’m in FL…but as long as it only rains for a little bit, I’ll be good.

Sockmonkey and I packed last night. I’m trying to do carry-on only, which is a difficulty for me. I am bad about over packing. Very bad. But I know that I really don’t need anything but a couple of bathing suits a cover up and something to wear if we go out to eat. But once I start packing, it’s hard for me to remember that. I only packed 2 pair of shoes. Proud? I’ll wear my Adidas flipflops on the plane. I packed my sneakers to walk in, and I packed my nice fliplops for goin’ out. These will dress up any outfit, don’t you agree?
I managed one suitcase. It wasn’t easy, which is why Sockmonkey looks so spent here:


Packing lightly is hard work. She deserved that beer.

The moment I pulled out the suitcase, the animals realized something was afoot. Well, Gizzard and Ruby did. Pete could care less because it’s me. If it were Fishdog, Pete would be panting and pacing and going all kinds of crazy.

Pete: Whatever Mom. I like Dad better. Begone, already.

Gizzard: Are we going somewhere? Cuz I wanna go. Please take me!

Ruby: You’re leaving me, aren’t you? Abandoning me. You’re going to take that damn monkey on a trip and leave me with the boys. I thought you loved me. I can see now I was wrong.

And then she pouted the rest of the night and went downstairs to hang out in the Penis Cave with the boys to punish me.

I plan to blog while I’m there. Not sure if they’ll be full blown blogs, but there will be content. And some pictures. Maybe. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to post those. Depends on how incriminating they are…

Prelude to a car…

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You may recall the slight break down I had when the transmission on our van went out. It’s a a 10 year old van and we had really hoped it would last us until the end of the year.

But it had other ideas.

Fine. We had to decide what we were going to do. Fixing the van was going to cost us almost $3K and honestly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend that kind of cash on that vehicle. We are still carrying two mortgages and now that it’s August, we have tuition for two kids, so buying a new car just wouldn’t be smart.

But we need two cars. Not everyday, but at least two days a week we find ourselves in a bind.

We went to Oxford a couple of weeks ago to check on the house and list it FSBO. (anyone want a GREAT deal on a house in Oxford, MS? I can hook you up.) We got there to discover or friend and neighbor had put his house on the market as well.

He was also selling a car. A car I’ve been coveting since he drove it home.

He made us a deal. And we drove it home. It’s an old car and it needs some work, but we knew that buying the car and having the work done would more than likely cost us less than fixing the van. And if it cost us the same, so be it. This car is a collector’s item. Or it will be when I’m finished with it.

What did we buy?

A 1990 Honda Prelude.

Oh yeah. I’m going to rock out with my cock out in this baby. Can’t you picture it now? Windows down, sunroof open, and the 1990s hair band playlist on volume 10? I can see it now.

Anyway, my new Prelude is now in the shop getting tweaked and I’m hoping that by the time Sockmonkey and I return from our trip, my new ride will be ready for me.

The real question is: Will Little Rock be ready for me and my Prelude? We shall see.

I need your suggestions for my Prelude playlist. Here are some givens:

  1. Cinderella
  2. Whitesnake
  3. Ozzy
  4. Queensryche

Who else should I add?

meet sockmonkey and the new digs

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Sockmonkey is my BFF. (okay, she’s my only QUIET BFF)

Fishdog bought me Sockmonkey on a date night. We were living in Oxtopia (aka Oxford, MS) and it was one of the first real date nights we’d had since we’d moved there.

So we’re walking around after dinner and go into on of our favorite weird little stores, AS SEEN ON TV. It was a video rental store that also has loads of toys and gadgets from the 60s and 70s. And then some other fun stuff that you can also find at Archie McPhee. You could also buy beer there and they had a great selection. (No Bud Light to be found…)

Anyway, that’s where I saw her. Sockmonkey called to me and I had to beg Fishdog to buy her for me.

He did. And she’s been watching me work ever since.

Well, Sockmonkey has saved all her hard earned money and is getting ready to go on her first girl’s getaway. I have decided to document her trip and plan to blog about it while we’re gone. She’s asked me if her good ‘friend’ Gnomeboy can come along…but I’m not sure. This is a girl’s getaway. There might will be excessive drinking. What if Sockmonkey lets loose? What if she and Gnomeboy take their friendship to a whole nubba lebel? I’m not sure if she’s ready for that…and I know I’m not.

What do you think? Should Gnomeboy be allowed to go?

And on another topic all together–welcome to my new site! What do you think?