It’s that time again!
I love college football, I lurve SEC football, but do you know what I heart the most?
ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS! (I love this link. Go ahead, click it and laugh.)
It starts tonight. 7:45 CST on ESPN. My little piggies play University of So. Cal. We may get our pork butts handed to us on a skewer, but that’s okay.
WOO PIG SOOOIE!
Are you ready for some FOOTBALL!?
Hey Marley, where’s the tide rolling this weekend?
It’s that time again!
I love college football, I lurve SEC football, but do you know what I heart the most?
ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS! (I love this link. Go ahead, click it and laugh.)
It starts tonight. 7:45 CST on ESPN. My little piggies play University of So. Cal. We may get our pork butts handed to us on a skewer, but that’s okay.
WOO PIG SOOOIE!
Are you ready for some FOOTBALL!?
Hey Marley, where’s the tide rolling this weekend?
So, we went to Lake Oauchita (pronounced WASH i tah) over the weekend. I would’ve blogged about that Monday had we not come home to a 92 degree house.
Now that we’re back to proper climate control, I can get back to the blog that shoulda been.
Two other couples met us at the lake, Birdrunner and her family and my old boss/friend who now lives in Little Rock, Allison, and her family.
Now, you may think we had fun by looking at the slideshow, however I can assure you the best pictures are below.
We’re not really sure what Birdrunner was thinking when she sat on the styrofoam ice chest, but let me tell ya, I’m really glad she did it, cuz I haven’t laughed like that in a looooooong time.
I bought condoms last night. (I’ll explain why later)
Do you know how long it’s been since I bought condoms? At least 15 years. FIFTEEN!
I’m at the cusp of the age where women stopped depending on the men boys to provide protection. In the early nineties, when I finally parted from my boyfriend of 4 years, I decided to take control of my sex life. (Just in case I found one again…) So, I bought my own condoms. At first, I would go to Wal-Mart late at night so I could study the boxes without too much interruption. (this was before the internet…where information was just a click away) Now, I’m not easily embarrassed by any stretch of the imagination–I can talk about sex to anyone. But for some reason, buying that first box of condoms was excrutiatingly embarrassing.
Fast forward 15 years later.
I’m at Wal-Mart, in this small town where everyone knows everyone, standing in the condom aisle trying to study my choices. (Just in case you didn’t know, the condom aisle is right in front of the pharmacy. I was there at 6:00 pm…and apparently so was the rest of Oxford.)
Suddenly, I’m completely embarrassed. I just know that everyone is staring at me and whispering. “Isn’t that Mark’s wife? Isn’t that Ian’s and Rader’s mom? Why is she buying condoms?”
It’s ridiculous, of course, because in the real world, who really gives a rat’s ass. But my conservative church upbringing was rearing it’s ugly head–shaming me–making me feel dirty. I’m a 37 year old woman and suddenly I felt the need to confess my sins.
And that just pissed me off. Why should I be ashamed?
With defiance pushing me, I picked up the economy size Trojans. I stuck them in the top part of the basket and made my way through the pharmacy crowd with my head held high. Even though my cheeks were blazing, I didn’t care. I would not be shamed because I was purchasing condoms. Especially since they aren’t even for me.
I bought them as a gift for a friend. It’s an inside joke and I hope it will make him laugh.
I figure last night’s adventure was good practice for the future. I’ve always said when my boys start dating, I’m going to keep a big-ass bowl of condoms at the front door. “Take a handful on your way out…”
Practice makes perfect, right?
Several things made me laugh today.
Like when I forgot Rader had a hair appointment…actually, I remembered it when my little calender popped up and said, HEY, RADER HAS A HAIR APPT IN 15 MINS. oops.
Which meant Rader was supposed to be picked up from school instead of riding the bus…of course, I forgot that, too. oops. So, that made me smile. I’m mother of the year. LOL Aren’t you glad to know me?
We get to the shop and Rader is talking non-stop. Like a little energizer bunny with diarrhea of the mouth. Yabber yabber yabber. Marie starts snipping away at the 70s hair cut gone bad and he says, “I don’t like thin hair. Thick and fluffy is in, you know. Make me thick and fluffy.”
That was funny.
I have to say, I find it mildly humorous that Pluto is no longer a planet. WTF is that about?
My Brummie lad msg’d me today. Apparently his computer has a virus and he needed some advice. I sent him to Fishdog who gave him some pointers. The #1 pointer being invest in McAfee…that it’s like a condom for your computer. That’s pretty damn funny, I don’t care who ya are. McAfee should run with that as their next ad campaign.
Virus Scan–it’s a condom for your pc.
One size fits all protection.
Protection for the internet promiscuious.
Any other slogan ideas out there?
Several things made me laugh today.
Like when I forgot Rader had a hair appointment…actually, I remembered it when my little calender popped up and said, HEY, RADER HAS A HAIR APPT IN 15 MINS. oops.
Which meant Rader was supposed to be picked up from school instead of riding the bus…of course, I forgot that, too. oops. So, that made me smile. I’m mother of the year. LOL Aren’t you glad to know me?
We get to the shop and Rader is talking non-stop. Like a little energizer bunny with diarrhea of the mouth. Yabber yabber yabber. Marie starts snipping away at the 70s hair cut gone bad and he says, “I don’t like thin hair. Thick and fluffy is in, you know. Make me thick and fluffy.”
That was funny.
I have to say, I find it mildly humorous that Pluto is no longer a planet. WTF is that about?
My Brummie lad msg’d me today. Apparently his computer has a virus and he needed some advice. I sent him to Fishdog who gave him some pointers. The #1 pointer being invest in McAfee…that it’s like a condom for your computer. That’s pretty damn funny, I don’t care who ya are. McAfee should run with that as their next ad campaign.
Virus Scan–it’s a condom for your pc.
One size fits all protection.
Protection for the internet promiscuious.
Any other slogan ideas out there?
Since I have nothing to blog about today, I’m just gonna post random shit as it comes to me. This random joke just came to me via email…it made me smile. Now you get to smile, too.
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter.”
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long,and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him.”
God turned to the one man, “How did you manage to be the only one in this line?”
The man replied, “My wife told me to stand here.”
Since I have nothing to blog about today, I’m just gonna post random shit as it comes to me. This random joke just came to me via email…it made me smile. Now you get to smile, too.
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter.”
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long,and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him.”
God turned to the one man, “How did you manage to be the only one in this line?”
The man replied, “My wife told me to stand here.”
Yup. Nothing.
Aren’t you glad you tuned in?
Yup. Nothing.
Aren’t you glad you tuned in?
Bitchin' Fiction: Musings by author Melissa McKenzie / Melissa Francis 